Cheaters: Getting Over a Cheat

I’ve been down that road too, you’re wondering what you did wrong, are they thinking about you? Do they want to call you but are afraid you’re still mad? Every time you think about what happened you get a sick sinking feeling in your stomach and you just want to bawl your eyes out. If you’re a guy you probably want to clock the S.O.B. that ‘stole’ your girl. You want to call them, maybe you already have. You just can’t get over the feeling of failure and rejection.

Well, I’m here to tell you you’re better off without them! What you’re feeling now is simply withdrawal. You became accustom to having that person in your life and now there’s a hole with nothing to fill it except that nasty awful feeling you just can’t shake. You’d rather have it filled with an emotional rapist, a demoralizer, a scum-bag, than have that empty feeling.

Just like an addict you obsess about the cheater, you might blame them for the way you feel but what you probably don’t realize, unless you dig very deep, is that you are really blaming yourself. If only you’d put-out more, if only you were a better person, smarter, had more money, skinnier, cuter, blond… Whatever you’re telling yourself STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!

STOP BLAMING YOURSELF! What happened was NOT your fault and if you really played any part in it, it was that you were naïve in caring for that low-life-sack-of… Well, you know what I’m trying to say. What THEY did was WRONG, feeling hurt and betrayed is OKAY, but blaming yourself for THEIR lack of moral fiber and decency is NOT.

How do you get over it? Unfortunately the process takes time, but the first step to a permanent solution is to stop blaming yourself. The second is to see life beyond them. Whatever you do, give yourself time and don’t start dating until you’ve recovered. Rebounds can be almost as bad as being cheated. You’ll be doing it to feel better and you might do things you wouldn’t normally do (like sleeping with the person) if you hadn’t been trying to cope with an emotional trauma. Here’s a good start on kicking the habit:

First, tell yourself over and over again that what happened did not happen by YOUR choice. Ask yourself how YOU made the decision for them to cheat on you. Did you pick out the gal / fella they were banging? Probably not. It was a decision they made and it was out of your control. Take time for you, do things you enjoy doing, be selfish (not self-destructive)! You owe it to yourself after all the hell you’ve been through.

Next, realize it isn’t because you are less of a person that they made their decision. Often times it is a problem within themselves, such as an unresolved relationship, feelings of worthlessness (they sure justified that feeling didn’t they). They might have been intimidated by you; it could be something small like your ease at socializing, number of friends, closeness with family. Whatever the reason, they chose to get involved with someone outside the relationship to increase their feeling of control IN the relationship. There is something most certainly something wrong with them if they think betraying trust in any relationship is acceptable behavior.

Once you at least begin to understand it wasn’t your fault you’ll probably feel a little better. Keep reassuring yourself because I’ll guarantee those feelings will keep trying to resurface until the healing process is over. Once that happens you have to see the silver lining. Maybe the person was lazy, or mean. Maybe they were slobs or a mama’s boy. Make a list of all the CONS in the relationship, all the things that bothered you but you accepted because you cared about them. If they were fatties, put that on the list. If they were balding, put that on their too. No balls? No brains? eBay junkie? Yup, yup, yup. Whatever the little annoying habits or unattractive characteristics were, write them ALL down and take a good look at them. Are those things you’d want to live with the rest of your life? Did you remember to add, “damned liar” and “worthless slut” (yes, that word can apply to males as well as females) to the list? How does it look now?

You might have to make this a daily routine, think of it like extracting your pores, getting rid of the impurities. Flush your system, it’s alright to cry, but don’t cry for them, cry them out; time to purge your system, get up, dust yourself off and keep moving. There is someone out there who’ll treat you the way you deserve, cherish you for the right reason and who’s just better for you. A cheater is no good to anyone, least of all themselves. Their actions today will certainly come back to bite them in the ass, it’s just too bad we can’t be there with a bowl of popcorn and a video camera.