- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Cheating Husband - How to tell if your husband is cheating
Do you have a cheating husband?
Marriage problems are common enough, we all know that it’s a rare marriage which is entirely perfect. But cheating is probably the most painful reason that marriages hit the rocks. So how can you tell if your husband is cheating on you?
The first sign of your husband cheating is likely to be a feeling that something is wrong. “You never close your eyes any more when I kiss your lips” as the song goes. Well, not literally perhaps, but something in your relationship will be ringing like a cracked bell.
A Helpful Book To Have
Sterling Anderson, a self-proclaimed recovering cheater, and Stephanie Dart wanted to know exactly what was going on in the minds of unfaithful men. For their book, Does He Cheat?, the writing partners interviewed hundreds of men (all of whom admitted to cheating in relationships) across the country; they got men from a variety of different backgrounds to share their trifling secrets.
Signs to be aware off if he is cheating on you
Here are some indicators which might tell you if your husband is cheating - they may tell you that your man is a love rat. On the other hand, any or all of these things can have perfectly innocent explanations, so don’t jump to conclusions too quickly. But at the same time, be on your guard if you notice some or all of these signs:
# He doesn’t want to have as much sex as usual, or maybe he wants a lot more than usual. Or he seems dissatisfied with your sex life altogether. Or he is especially lavish in his praise and attention. Any major change in attitude to sex can be a give-away that he’s cheating.
# Unexplained absences are a real clue. Does he seem to spending more than the usual amount of time at work? Working unexplained extra hours, having lots of late meetings? Is he spending weekends away at conferences, or fishing with the boys?
# Does he seem vague when you try to make future plans? Does he keep putting off decisions about where you will go on vacation, whether or not to refurbish the house, when you’ll make that long planned visit to see distant relatives?
# Does he bring you unexpected small presents, chocolates, flowers, a bottle of wine? Either he is being very thoughtful, or he has a guilty conscience.
# That old favorite, “Lipstick on your collar”. Well, not your collar, but his. Hairs on his clothing that don’t match yours. Or he comes home smelling of a strange perfume, or he jumps into the shower the minute he arrives at the house. He may well be hiding the smells of an afternoon of illicit sex.
More Helpful Books
In short, "The Cheat Sheet" teaches readers to recognize cheating, catch cheaters red-handed, and ultimately find a relationship that will make them happy for a lifetime. Each chapter of the book also reveals true infidelity stories, common cheating excuses and exposes the cheater's thought process and patterns.
More Signs of Him Cheating on you
# He keeps dropping someone’s name into the conversation. “Oh, you should have heard what Joleen said in the office today.” “Why don’t we get together with Joleen and her husband this weekend?” Quite often, the cheat will actually want to bring his wife and his lover together, either to add to the thrill of the forbidden or in the vain hopes that they will get to like each other.
# Unexplained phone calls. Is he getting calls at odd time, which he takes in another room, or answers with a rather shifty sounding “Wrong number,” or in a very artificial way: “No, I can’t actually do that now”. Try and take a look at his phone, does he have lots of calls to and from a number you don’t recognize?
# Unexplained expenses. The entries on his credit card bill for the florist, the jewellery store, the upscale restaurant and the local hot sheet motel that you know nothing about are of course a dead give-away. The accomplished cheat will always pay cash; your husband might be more of an idiot.
If your suspicions are roused, you have three choices. You can ignore your marriage problems and hope the whole situation goes away – it just might. You can confront your husband and see if he confirms or denies your suspicions, or you can hire a private detective.
It rather depends on how you feel about your man. If you have divorce in mind, then the detective option is probably the way to go. If you love him very much and believe that this is just a passing phase, then maybe you can go with option one, and hope the whole thing just blows over, although there will be a nagging doubt in your mind which you need to be prepared to live with.
Option two is going to be fraught with perils. Collect your evidence carefully so he doesn’t have any place to hide. And be prepared to go to counseling to get over this painful, but recoverable, glitch in your marriage.
The Big Red Flags Book
The "Little Black Book of Big Red Flags" (adapted from the blog BigReadFlags.com) explains all those relationship warning signs you totally spotted, but chose to ignore, combining what-the-heck-was-I-thinking?! Once you become aware of some of the red-flag-worthy problems men display, you can evaluate your situation, and, hopefully, gain a better understanding of what kind of man, and relationship, is best for you