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Cheating Is An Insecurity More Than Anything

Updated on July 24, 2019

I have spent a great deal of time observing and watching people around me cheat on their partners. There is a plethora of excuses for why people cheat: Sexual and emotional disconnect, needs not being met, the thrill of sneaking around, revenge, attraction to someone who's the total opposite of your original SO (significant other), curiosity and getting intrigued by a person with a carefree personality, overall relationship dissatisfaction, or you just love dancing with the devil (or being the devil yourself). But, if you really think about it, all of these reasons have a common denominator: Insecurity. Enervating, soul-crushing insecurity.

I've never been in a lot of official relationships, but I consider myself a pillar of the society when it comes to situationships and fooling around. There was an era when I did a lot of despicable things that my best friend Enzo and I wanted to write a book and call it "The Art Of Ratchetry" or "Ratchetry 101 Vol.1" and so on with the succeeding volumes documenting our adventures as hoes. Of course, we just laughed about it, we still do, and I still would very much like to write that book. Technically speaking, I never cheated on anyone because I never was in a relationship, but it's the same dynamics. I would be dating perpetually, or start dating someone new before I ditch the current guy, or date more than one person at a time. I remember Enzo and I coming up with a crazy inside joke/pun "When it rains, it's four" as a reference to me entertaining four guys at the same time! I know, not my finest moment. At the time I would brush it off as "Keep dating until you find exactly what you like", but all I found was something I don't like- it's not a bad thing per se because it taught me how to disintegrate trash from treasure. But, looking back, I now see that the reason why I kept collecting men is because of my very own insecurities. I guess deep down, I really did not have the slightest idea what I was looking for; I thought the measure of one's worth is the number of their admirers (seeking for validation); fear of rejection, hence, always making sure I had a spare tire; lack of self-love- although I had always thought I loved myself way too much that I wanted to share it with so many people, but now I know better (thank God!) and it's the total opposite because apparently, truly loving yourself doesn't mean building walls around you (for protection) because you're robbing yourself of a real shot at finding someone great.

I am a witness to good people cheating on their partners, people who crave true love and meaningful relationships, and it's really sad. Why do these amicable men and Miss Goody Two-Shoes cheat you ask? Some of them are neglected by their partners; some have needs that aren't met; some are after the thrill; some of them do it because their partners cheated on them before; some are curious and some are in miserable relationships that they can't seem to let go of for some reason. There are so many other reasons, of course. But these sited reasons all stem from insecurity. Go figure, Sherlock.

Everyone has insecurities, and insecurities come in different sizes, shapes, and forms, and it's okay to feel insecure from time to time just to remind yourself that you're human, but it's not healthy if it's turning you into a person you're not proud to be. It's lethal if it's preventing you from having peace of mind and finding real happiness.

I don't understand what's so exhilarating about sneaking around and worrying about getting caught all the freakin' time. If being polygamous is your nature, then at least be upfront about it- let the other person know from the get-go, you'll be surprised how many people are into open relationships nowadays. If you're cheating because you're unhappy in your current relationship, what you're doing isn't going to improve your situation. Either communicate your feelings or grow some balls and come clean. The other person deserves honesty, and you deserve peace of mind and a shot at true and unselfish love.

© 2019 Nina Ella


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