- Gender and Relationships»
- Relationship Problems & Advice
Cheating: Why Do We Ask Why?
The Eyes Don't Lie...
Knowing "Why" Does Not Ease Your Pain...
There are lots of articles, hubs, and blogs written weekly asking, "Why Do Men Cheat?" or "Why Do Women Cheat?" No one seems to want to acknowledge both women and men cheat for the same reasons!
Every situation/relationship is different just as every person is different. Nonetheless the person cheating has a "need" of some kind. Needs are the motivation for all human behavior. We tend to do what we feel we need to do in order to feel good. Having said that there are 3 basic types of cheaters. Once again the reasons for cheating are the same for both women and men.
1. The Incessant Cheater
This individual has no intention of honoring any vow or promise they make. He or she is always looking for the next thrill or something "new".
Their motto is "Variety is the spice of life."
2. The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater
This person actually intended to be faithful and is not "looking " to betray their partner. They give into temptation when an "unbelievable opportunity" presents itself.
An extremely attractive person who shows interest in them, a girl or guy they had a crush on in school comes to town and wants to "hang out" and last but not least a famous celebrity or politically powerful person offers what appears to be "A once in a lifetime opportunity" to have sex with someone of their stature
Their motto is in line with Oscar Wilde's famous quote.
"The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it"
3. The Discontented Cheater
This person believed they found their soul mate and never dreamed they'd be considering cheating. Unlike The Incessant and The Unbelievable Opportunity Cheater, The Discontented Cheater feels as though his/her partner is forcing them to "seek other options" outside of their relationship. It's not a stretch for them to feel “justified” in seeking other ways to fill a need that is not being met. Depression often serves as motivation to take a risk.
Octavio Paz said, "A flower without a stem, is beauty waiting to die. A heart without love, is a tear waiting to cry.
The real reason most people ask "Why?" is because they hope by knowing the answers they can prevent something bad from happening to them or find a way to stop someone from doing harm to them. ( In this case, Cheating)
In reality the only people we can completely control are ourselves! You can't stop anyone from cheating who wants to.
What Can You Do?
Cheating is a cowardly selfish act perpetrated by those who are afraid to risk going through a messy breakup or devastating divorce, which may put them at some type of disadvantage. Therefore her/his goal is to hold onto what they perceive to be good in the relationship while pursing outside options to fill in the missing gaps.
In their eyes cheating is a far easier solution than breaking up or going through a divorce. Generally speaking cheaters never believe they are going to be caught cheating. This is why they don't stop to consider the potential consequences of their actions.
It takes courage to walk away from everything you know in order to pursue happiness with an unknown person in an uncertain future. Essentially people cheat because it’s the easier thing to do.
Monogamy requires maturity, self-discipline, and the desire to place "HONESTY" at the top of all relationship requirements.
Keep the lines of communication open and never neglect or take your mate for granted.
Your “power” comes from (selecting the right people) to be a part of your life not changing people into what you want them to become. If you want an apple and you buy an onion instead, whose fault is that? People change when THEY want to change. Know what it is you are looking for and don't settle until you find it.
Hopefully with experience comes wisdom and the ability for us to become better at choosing people who share our same values. Trust like Respect is earned over time. Don't open your heart until your mate has demonstrated honesty and integrity. Without Honesty there can be no Trust, Respect, or Loyalty. It takes more time getting to know someone than most people are willing to invest before saying "I Do!"
Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions.
The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart.
One man’s opinion!