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Children with Gay/Lesbian Parents

Updated on June 4, 2011

There are many children living with gay and lesbian parents around the world. Some are adopted while others grow up in traditional homes where their parents subsequently realise that they are gay or lesbians. These parents either divorce when their children are grown up or divorce immediately and continue the job of raising their children with their ex-spouse.


Research in Netherlands shows that children raised by gay/lesbian parents are as well-adjusted as children raised in heterosexual famillies. The study shows results nearly identical to similar research in the United States and Canada, according to Rockway Institue, a national center for public policy and research on LGBT issues.

What children need is the love and nurturing of their parents and if their parents are aware of any special needs they may have. Since gay men and women can be as caring (or dysfunctional) as heterosexual parents, it's not surprising that their is not much difference in the mental health of their children.

Many studies have shown that there's no difference in the well being of children raised by gay/lesbian parents and heterosexual parents. Furthermore, sexual abuse is statistically less likely to happen with gay/lesbian parents.

Children of gay/lesbian parents are as likely to be heterosexual as children from traditional parents. At the same time, these children are often more tolerant of different sexual orientations and more sensitive to minority status. Most studies show that gay and lesbian parents make a special effort to expose their children to strong role models, both male and female, both heterosexual and gay.

Results of research to date suggest that children of gay/lesbian parents have positive relationships with peers and that their relationship with adults of both sexes are also satisfactory. Fears about being children of lesbians and gay men being sexually abused by adults, looked down upon by peers, or isolated in single sex lesbian or gay communities have received no support from the results of exsisting research.


Children of gay and lesbian parents face similar challenges as those by the minorities.

1. They may be teased and humiliated at school when classmates learn that their parents are gay. This can be especially cruel when the teacher, other school officials and the parents of classmates make no effort to educate themselves and their families about gay and lesbian parents.

2. Being viewed by peers as not normal and as a threat to mainstream culture can also create emotional conflict.

3. Some communities so villify non traditional families that it will be tough for children to discuss the issue outside the family and they may even be scorned by mainstream society.

4. Some children might be more vulnerable to mental breakdown, will exhibit more adjustment difficulties and behaviour problems and will be less psychologically healthy than other children.


1. Childhood trails can build the strength of character and empathy for others.

2. They may also be more tolerant and accepting of diverse family structures.

3. They'll also be more patient in their general outlook especially if their parents have integrated good moral values.


1. Heterosexual parents can educate themselves as well as their children on gay and lesbian families.

2. By teaching respect for the values and lifestyles of other cultural groups, schools as well as parents can try to discourage teasing of any children.

3. Gay and lesbian parents face special challenges but their goals should not be to avoid all the stress. Instead they should use those negative experiences to teach their children about empathy and consideration towards others.

4. Heterosexual families should teach their children about different types of families and to value what is really important - not whether other families are different from yours but whether they uphold values your family respects.

5. Parents can talk to their children when young, explaining casually the nature of their family and how it's different from other families.

6. When children are older, parents can discuss how some people are afraid of things which are different and which they do not understand. When they are afraid, they may show by teasing.

7. Parents may also play out some scenarios to help the child decide what to do and how they can explain the nature of their family to other children in such a way that they win them over.

8. If parents are open about their lifestyle, they can also go to their children's school to discuss with the teacher how he/she feels about non traditional families, if he/she has noticed any problems with the other children and if such issues are ever discussed in class.

9. Parents must also convey respect towards the opposite sex as their attitude toward the opposite sex is also important.

10. Parents must also be well informed about local, state and federal rules as they keep evolving.

Some links are listed below for your reference. You can click on them to understand more about gay/lesbian parents and communities.


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    • profile image


      6 years ago

      its good to know..

    • sminut13 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from singapore

      @andrebreynolds, thanks for commenting. i hope that we'll be much more open and considerate everywhere around the world although it might take time.

    • andrebreynolds profile image


      7 years ago

      Interesting topic you have chosen. Thanks for the great information.

    • sminut13 profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from singapore

      @ma.may ann d. cruz, i'm sorry you didn't like this article. i'll try and improve on my later pieces. thanks for responding.

    • profile image

      ma. may ann d. cruz 

      7 years ago

      very bad this your work i cannot understand....thanks for your cooperation this your writting...!!!

    • sminut13 profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from singapore

      thanks namine lots. i'm happy that you're stronger now and that your mom has found someone she's happy with. you're a great person as it's not often that children are supportive of their parents too. i agree with you, if they are truly happy with themselves, then it shouldn't matter. it will be slow but i'm sure that our outlook towards homosexuals will change for the better.

    • profile image

      Namine Jones-White 

      8 years ago

      Yes it is sad. but a awesome post. I am a child being raised by my birth mother. when My mom and dad divorced she relized she was gay. I can say what has been written in this article is very true. It is hard in school for me but it has strentghed me and I am Happy my mom found someone she has a connection with. I hope for a postive outlook, right now most people hate and look down upon Gays. Why should it matter, If they are truly happy with tehreselves and the life path they are on then so be it. Everyone derserves Happiness.

    • sminut13 profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from singapore

      hii rgarnett, yes i did write it long ago, so long that i've forgotten when...but i'm really happy for your comment. yes, this topic is definitely relevant today and will be in the future i feel, it will take some time for some to come around but there will be a positive outlook.

    • rgarnett profile image

      Rachael Fields 

      8 years ago from KC, MO

      I am pretty sure you wrote this hub a REALLY long time ago, but I wanted to thank you for writing it. It is a topic that is still very much relevant today and I am so glad to see such a positive outlook on the future of gay and lesbian families.

    • sminut13 profile imageAUTHOR


      11 years ago from singapore

      thanks i learned too

    • Rudra profile image


      11 years ago

      this is quite an interesting thing to learn about.

    • sminut13 profile imageAUTHOR


      11 years ago from singapore

      tht's so sad g-ma. i hope everything goes okfor that woman.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image

      Merle Ann Johnson 

      11 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Oh I am again..I have taken care of  meth babies that were adopted by Lesbian's..that are as sweet, as knowing,rich,fighter's..understanding as anyone I've known...the System sucks...makes it so hard..doesn't really care about the children..always trying to protect the parent..In my case the mother had 4 children..all meth addicted..but the second one died...the 3rd one was born a premie..weighed 3 1/2 lbs...was in the hospital for months with oxygen, tubes..etc..The lesbian parent was there every other day to bond with this child...which is now doing very well..however the SYSTEM still hasn't let them fully adopt him and his older brother (who also is a meth child) due to finding a reliable blood relative..which in 3 years they haven't found...Give them a break..I am so upset over all this..this woman is all of 22 years old..tye her tubes and save another poor child from the rath of her addiction....:O( :O( G-ma :O)

    • sminut13 profile imageAUTHOR


      11 years ago from singapore

      definitely agree with you kenny, hope this will be the case in the years to come.

    • Kenny Wordsmith profile image

      Ashok Rajagopalan 

      11 years ago from Chennai

      This is sad, and hopefully, will change in a free-thinking, progressive age. Everybody deserves respect, and one shouldn't interfere in the choices of others, if the choices do not harm anyone.

    • sminut13 profile imageAUTHOR


      11 years ago from singapore

      lol hey thanks. actually i did see your request in the idea bank or something. thought it was interesting. but didn't finish in a day. so had to save articles and all n the next day couldnt find ur request. so jus made new hub. but surprised that you managed to see this. thanks though. it's really appreciated.

    • helenathegreat profile image


      11 years ago from Manhattan

      Hey hey, I wrote a requst about this about a week ago. Thanks for answering, however unintentional it may have been. Very informative hub. Great job!


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