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Choosing a Mate: (Part #2) Accepting and Respecting God's gift to You
A Christian Guide to Selecting a Mate
Ok, we're back on this train ride to selecting a mate for today's Christian during these the last days...
As stated in previous articles, I go into prayer before, during and after each of these. But I also try to use others as a sounding board on some of the issues that I write about. That is what happened when speaking to someone that I consider a true and very dear friend of mine, who also is a great inspiration to me in many ways. We were talking about this very subject...Truth is...
In part one of this series I spoke of sister "Lovesgod", and Brother "Blessing" with all their so-called shortcomings that seem to be what prevents them from finding a good christian mate. They are very good "friends" to have, but seemingly just not quite good enough to be someone's life's partner. Why?
For one, even we christians seem to have become weighed down by the concerns of this world.(anxieties) Luke 21:34. We get frustrated by the state of economic conditions and that often becomes key when deciding upon taking a mate. Do they make money? and can they take care of me? But that should not be the basis of choosing a mate. Take my friend for instance; she is actually an outstandingly wonderful and beautiful person. She is very much so dedicated to service to our lord and has on numerous occasions been quite encouraging to me. Yet as a single mother, when choosing a mate it is only natural that she consider whether or not that prospective mate has a job and can "bring something to the table" as it were. It only makes good common sense. But here's something for her and YOU to consider, Truth is...
Like my friend, there are many out there who are humble and devoted servants to God, but they are alone in life as far as having a mate. It is essential that you remember a few things: Romans 8:28 (which I quote so often in these articles ),tells you that" God makes ALL things work for the good of those who are faithful to him..." some bible translations render the words: "those whos heart is complete toward him..."; all things means just that, ALL things. Be it the persons you meet, your enemies, the weather...whatever, God has the power AND THE DESIRE to make these things (and more) work for your own good and benefit. 2 Chronicles 16:9 says that :" the eyes of theLord are roving about the earth looking to show his STRENGTH on behalf of those whose heart is complete towards him..." How about that! God is actually LOOKING for an opportunity to do things on your behalf and all his massive power is available to you and for you to that end. How awesome indeed!
Now remember how you as christians are always telling people to "stand on faith"? Why aren't you practicing what you preach? Trust in the Lord in ALL you do and do not lean upon your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5-7 says that and more. Don't "reason" yourself out of what could be your blessing. Just because Brother Blessing has a low paying job or even if he's between jobs,looking for one. The key word here is "looking"; he's not sitting back doing nothing. and you already know that he was working before, so be patient. This is an example of long-suffering mentioned in the previous article. It takes time to build a relationship anyway. Use that time to observe Brother Blessing and see what he does. Allow for that time to be there for he and your children(if you have any) to get to know each other. If in the course of that time he doesn't get some semblence of a job he probably won't later. But if he goes out and gets SOMETHING and communicates to you that he will continue to seek even better, rejoice because you have found a good man! What you may not know is that you may have had a key role in inspring that brother. The real man knows that a good woman will not tolerate a no account man and if he wants you(and your children) truthfully, he will get out there and do ALL he can and more to make himself more appealing a prospect to you. BELIEVE THAT!
The same goes for sister Lovesgod. She may not put forth any great effort(s) as to her appearance as many women do. But this may be due to her being depressed, having low self-esteem, or whatever. She may not believe herself to be beautiful and thus feel it a waste of time to attempt looking it. But by observing her qualities that are possessed of the lord and appreciating them and realizing what they could do for you too, give that sister the time of day and you may end up having the time of your life! You could discover the "gift" that God has had in store for you. When a women feels loved or appreciated by a man, she feels better about herself and starts looking for ways to feel even better. It is also the nature of a woman to try to be appealing to her mate, when she is feeling loved and appreciated. Sister Lovesgod may go buy a new outfit, get her hair and nails done etc and blow you away at the beauty that has been hidden from the entire world!
My Friend asked me about something else that I'd like to mention. It was not initially part of this article; but I try to stay open to whatever God brings to me and obviously it was timely that she mentioned it. The question was that if a man and woman are seeing each other seriously and he comes to her home, (this is a single parent now). And the home is a wreck(kids do that you know) and the man complains or actually has the nerve to make a statement that she needs to or will have to "get that together" before they ever end up being together.
My response? look at the curb outside and if you can't kick him that far, then punt him to the sidewalk and leave him there! A real man will come in, see there's dirty dishes and without making a big show of it, make his way to the kitchen and if he cant find it, ask where the dish liquid is and start washing dishes, take out the garbage, pick up the floor or whatever he sees needs done. He'll simply just start doing it! He will not say a word to embarass the woman he claims to care for; he'll simply "do the man thing". This is an indicator of the type of man he'll be later in the relationship and subsequently after you two get married.(which is what christian couples do). For one, if a single christian mother invites a man into her home she's serious about him...period! For two, she knows her house is possibly a wreck. Yes she should be studious about housekeeping etc. But she also works every day and picking up the house isn't always the first thing on her agenda upon arriving home. She still has to feed her babies, clean herself up (and probably at least one of the kids), and do all she can NOT to fall out before getting ready for church, or performing some other household duty. So understanding is neccesary on the man's part. This also applies when the couple have been together a long time. Truth Is...
That's the point, without understanding and compassion;Godly qualities, the realtionship will not work anyway. Give each other a chance, discuss the things that need to be done, then see if they care enough to act on it. But also remember the Lord in all that you do. Pray together. I can never say that enough. Go to God as a united front and ask his help. As one of his cherished children, he WILL help you and make all things work for your benefit. Think how you feel when your child asks you how to do something. The joy of their trustng you and your knowledge moves you does it not? God is the ULTIMATE parent, isn't He? Nobody does it better.See what Matthew 6:7-11 says about this, in verse 11 it tells us that if we being "wicked" (sinful by nature) know how to give good gifts how much more does your Heavenly Father?
Think about that. If we are considering him in ALL that we do, and seeking first his kingdom and His righteousness, then assuredly Hebrews 6:10 comes in to play where it says:" God is not unrighteous so as to forget your work and the love that you have shown for his name". Does not every good and perfect gift come from above? Where is your faith? This may well be the area where your faith is required, and if held, rewarded richly. Everyone will not be tested the same. TRUST God to work on that man or woman. If they have the tendency to actually listen to God, there's a strong possibility that the areas that you question about them are the ones that will be addressed when God gives them their instruction. He uses so many tools in training us; a conscience is one of the biggest as it's a communication tool. It makes us consider consequences as well as the feelings and needs of others. Above all it keeps us in tune with what God loves. Through it He can move that man to do what he is supposed to do, or that woman likewise. If your prospective mate is not open to God's instruction then you shouldn't be with them anyway! Why do you think the bible says for us not to become "unevenly yoked"? It means don't go looking for someone that is not succeptable to God and what He says to do. We all know that what God tells us to do isn't always what we particularly care to do. But it IS what's best. This is true when choosing our mate.
What we don't always realize is that it is not us that is doing the choosing, but usually God sends one to you as this is the one He sees as perfect for you and whatever service he has in mind for the two of you to perform for him. Think about that a moment.Which would you prefer, a mate that looks good or has a lot of material things(all of which can be lost or taken away); or one that has the beauty of god's love, blessing(s), and guidance which is a treasure in heaven?
In any event If you are presented with someone who loves the Lord and actually is willing to listen to him, you stand to receive a true gift from God. Your acceptance and respect for that gift is up to you and your free will. He always gives us a choice. But don't think that if you reject that which He offers as a gift and choose by catering to your own desires, wishes and standards that there won't be consquences. Again, several single mothers out there can identify with that. (there are men who can too...Me for one...Truth is...)
Prayer. That is the biggest asset to us when choosing a mate. Also, if we find someone we have an interest in we should have the christian maturity to establish an understanding that the continued pursuit of your relationship pends upon how God develops it. This would involve quite a bit of prayer, both alone and corporately(together). I can't stress it enough how crucial it is that the two of you pray TOGETHER, and if there are children include them as often as possible when praying. You can only benefit by gaining either a life's partner, or at the least another strong spiritually inspired friendship. It's a win-win situation, far less likely to end with bitterness(that would last).
As you all know, there is going to have to be another discussion of this issue and it shall be soon. Until then i encourage you to examine yourself and the scriptures and do not lean on your own understanding. Pray and pray again. As my Mother used to say: "Pray anyway!"