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Co-dependence In Love

Updated on March 24, 2012

Welcome Readers :)

The term co-dependence is a endeavorment that invokes a feeling inside of us. We all internally know that being co-depended on anything in life is a recipe for failure. You wouldn't ever catch a CEO of a major company be co-depended on what others below his position are thinking of him. If he did, I can promise you he will be replaced very soon with a stronger person for the position. So with that being said, I'm not here to talk about co-dependence in business. I want to take this chance to speak with you about co-dependence in relationships. Or better yet co-dependent love in a relationship. Lets stop right here. Let me ask you the age old question. What is love to you? Well maybe we can agree on that it is endless possibilities. The problem is some people are very co-dependent when it comes to loving the other person. Now i will give some examples of a co-dependent lover.

Example 1 They Make You Their Whole World

It does sound sweet and even flattering to some extent but the truth is it gets very crazy. Very fast. This is the person who when you don't answer there text messages or phone call gets angry within a 10 minute time span and thinks that your not being supportive. Or the person who when you listen to them about their day its never enough. It's like they want answers after answers. Then they claim they just want your attention and feedback. As if spending time with them and communicating with them isn't enough. Or when you get into an argument they go off apologizing profusely. They don't even give you time to blow off steam. This is a co-dependent lover. As it is not the intent to make you feel bad always, they in truth are emotionally co-dependent on you. I personally know for a fact it comes from a lack of loving themselves. They objectify you as someone if they constantly show how much you mean to them then they should be entitled to get a response. In love co-dependence is much like crying after spilled milk instead of cleaning it up.

Example 2 They Love You Too Much

This is suppose to be a nice endearment, but the problem is it is really called overcompensation. They without completely being aware are showing you this act of love so much because they solely lack in how to be loved and how to love themselves. What i mean is this person doesn't know how to love someone. They do this because every answer you give them is a validation of feelings which they constantly need to see. The true reason is because they are not in love with themselves. They need validation constantly because it reassures them that they are worthy of you which they don't even truly believe they are. Which leaves you feeling smothered. They to be sure they are loving someone puts that extra amount of love into it because they want to make sure what they feel is real. If you truly ask someone who is co-depended on you if they are really without a doubt sure they love you they will profess all these emotions and actions they do for you to show you they do. Which in their mind validates the love. When the answer should be very simple. Yes.

Example 3 They Don't Think For Themselves

In the sense they always think about you first. It is nice at first. The problem is they are never the lead or head in the relationship. They just do whatever you tell them lest they hurt your feelings. In truth, this person doesn't take the lead because they know if they make a mistake it would be their fault. So when you make a mistake they can in their mind blame you because your suppose to know better. Which they won't point out to you but will be like a bomb, slowly fusing on the inside. Which we all know is dangerous. They simply play the role of the push over because they are not willing to defend themselves. This in a relationship makes the non dependent person feel pressured all the time even if they don't show it. They know if they told you to light a fire and run through it because they will be waiting on the other side to put you out they will ultimately do it. Believe it or not the other person knows how weak minded you are being and will not take you seriously. No one will cast you as an solid lover because they know where you will stand when things go bad. Behind them like always hiding. So they don't always want to be the bad person all the time. This is why it is a failure.

Example 4 Sexual Life

I won't get into graphic details here, but when it comes down to the sexual experience the co-depended person only does what you want. They never express what they want and how much they like it when you do something interesting. It is like having sex with a robot. They just do what you want and have no voice for anything else. It gets very boring because the point of having sex is for you to know they are enjoying it themselves just as much as you are. Not for one person to always ask are you happy? Did i do a good job? Do want me to fetch you some pillows so you can rest now ruler of the earth? It is like your face goes from this :) to this -___-. When you ask if they enjoyed it they just nod. When you ask how come they don't say what makes them feel good while having sex, they just say you never asked. In turn saying if you don't tell them that you want to hear what is on their mind so they can make up stories on how to make you feel like it was great then they won't know.

How To Stop Being Co-dependent

If you are being a co-dependent lover and disagree that things don't work out that is fine. Just come tell me that the person your with hasn't ever cheated on you? Or that you don't feel used half the time? My point is that co-dependence is not healthy. You have to stop this because if you go from person to person with this co-dependent attitude you are going to end up either two places. Dumped or cheated on, or cheated on then dumped constantly. Or your going to end up with someone who will Abuse you. Neither two is a happy ending by any means. So how can you stop being co-dependent? First you have to LOOK at yourself in the mirror. What is the first thing that comes to mind? Is it a thought to attack yourself with words? Like your ugly or your hair is so bland or your nose is to big, etc. You have to stop that. That is part of the reason your so co-dependent on others. You have to look at yourself and know you are beautiful. It doesn't matter if you was always considered the ugly duckling in school or all your life. Look at the end of the story what that ugly duck turned into. A beautiful Swan more so than the rest. That story can be true in life. What makes someone ugly is not believing in there selves. Let use an example. Trya Banks. The supermodel. Well she has a huge forehead and very skinny ankles but do you think that lowers her confidence to walk the runway? No. If you don't point it out or advertise it then others may not see it or will not address it. Now emotional co-dependence. You have to stand up for yourself. You have to say what you want. You have stop showing off how much you love the other person. You have to have a voice for yourself because NO ONE else will. They may come to your aid now and then but you have speak up and advertise yourself because no one else will. It is too much of a project. It is YOUR job to make yourself happy. I know i can preach this a million times over and to some truth you already knew this. The issue is doing it. Believing it. Practicing it. Becoming it. I know those chains you are feeling. I know how tight they are. I know how you always shoot yourself down first. I know you think you will be laughed at for trying. I know you think you will look foolish. These are psychological handicaps. You have to defeat them. Trust me it is not easy, but in the end you will feel happier than you EVER been. I promise you that. It will have nothing to do with anyone else. You will just be happy. You have to put in the work for yourself though.

Last Words

I want to end this article by saying something to the non co-dependent lovers. You know how this affects you and how it can go from good to boring to bad. If you really want to help this person then you have to be tough with them. You need to tell them your leaving them until they fix themselves on the inside. Yes you will be the bad person. But you will be doing them a HUGE favor. Forcing them to look at themselves and stop hiding all the time. Saving them from their own handicaps. You can do this for them if you really love them. You can be there friend at a distance. You don't need to go out and date others but that's your choice. Just don't string them along only to finally say what you knew months or years ago that it isn't working out for you. Remember co-dependence is the main factor in addicts. No matter what it is. This person is an addict to being co-dependent in love. You have to be strong and make them get some help if they won't do it themselves if you love them. You need to walk away. So they can see how much they are hurting themselves. Thank you for reading and i hope that this article helps even one person out their realize they need to change and do it. That's what make article's like these worth typing and editing over and over for. If you would like to leave me a comment at the bottom of the page you can do so if you wish. Thanks again. :)


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