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College Educated, Highly Successful Black Women- Don't EVER, EVER Settle For Less In Your Relationships

Updated on November 2, 2014
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Grace loves to write commentaries on psycho-cultural and sociocultural dynamics in its myriad forms.


Yes, Virginia, There ARE Educated And Highly Successful Men Out There- They May Not Be What You Have Expected!

The number of college and/or postgraduate educated Black women are ever increasing. Because of the high level of education achieved, these Black women are in professional and high powered careers where the sky is the limit. Black women are socioeconomically affluent in ways that their mothers, grandmothers, and great grandmothers were not.

There are some college and/or postgraduate educated, professional Black women who in relationships with college and/or postgraduate educated, professional Black men. This is well and good as such Black men and women have an educational, intellectual, and socioeconomic commonality with each other. They can freely discuss intellectual subjects with each other. They are also more culturally savvy as they appreciate the infinite finer intangibles of life which only college educated people can fully appreciate. They both are accomplished and on an equal parity with each other.

However, there are many Black women who claim that they cannot find a man with the same education and job status as theirs. According to ABC news, approximately 42% of Black women are not married nor in relationships. ABC news report that although these Black women are highly educated and socioeconomically successful, they have yet to find a Black man with the same education and job status as theirs. An ABC news reporter asked the rhetorical questions as to if these Black women are extremely discriminating regarding men.

There are some college and/or postgraduate educated Black professional women who are so alarmed at the "prospect" of there being a small percentage of educated, professional Black men that rather than not to be in a relationship of their choosing, they have decided to lower their standards and start dating undereducated, nonprofessional, service employees and/or blue collar men. These educated professional Black women contend that any Black man is better than no Black man at all.

According to a UCLA study, in 2004, Black women comprise 59.3% of Black students enrolled in college. A U.S. Department of Education study substantiated that 65% of Black women obtained Bachelors Degree which is twice that of Black males. Dr. Anthony Young, past president of the National Association of Black Psychologists maintained that Black women are more likely to attend college and postgraduate study than Black males.

Dr. Young explained that Black men succumb to the negative Black stereotype that college and/or other forms of higher education are outside their purview. Dr. Young added that many Black men feel that a college education would only do them a disservice. Dr. Young also remarked that Black men are seldom encouraged to attend college by educators unless they are outstandingly stellar students.

As a result of a small percentage of Black men attending college, the percentage of college and/or postgraduate educated, professional Black men are very few and far between. Many college educated, professional Black women rightfully lament the lack of available Black men. However, there are some friends who inadvertently advise that these same women who date Black men who are traditionally outside of their purview. These friends reason that a good Black man is a good Black man regardless.

These friends portend that after all, educated Black women have relationships with undereducated Black men either by marriage and/or otherwise . After all, these friends contend that their mothers, aunts, grandmothers, friends, and associates have done this and they are happy. They figure what is good enough for their mothers and other female relatives are good enough for them. These friends assert that if their counterparts were not so picky and discriminating regarding relationships, they would have a good Black man. Oh, come now!

Yes, educated Black women sometimes married undereducated Black men because the racial availability was not wide in earlier times as it is today. In earlier times, educated Black women had to settle for undereducated Black men because educated men of other races did not consider the educated Black woman to be a desirable partner. The reasoning is that although the Black woman was educated, she was BLACK first and foremost. Because she is Black, she was considered quite inferior by non-Black men. In other words, if an educated Black woman did not have a relationship with and/or marry an educated Black man, given the narrow racial climate of the time, she had to just...........well, settle for what she could get.

However, there were educated Black women who adamantly refused to settle for such a relationship. They either married outside their race, accepting whatever consequences may be or elected to be single. These women reasoned quite intelligently that they were educated and they were not about to waste their lives by entering a relationship with an undereducated man. They contended that they were MUCH BETTER than that!

Sadly, there are some educated, professional Black women who are so desperate to be in a relationship with a Black man, they would forgo a more promising relationship with a non-Black highly educated, professional man because she wishes to date within the race. Maybe she was inculcated by her parents, relatives, and friends to NEVER go with a non-Black man, even if he is an educated professional, because such men would only do her harm.

Her parents, relatives, and friends tell her that her expectations regarding meeting educated, professional Black men are totally unrealistic as the number is so small. They tell her that in order to have a man, she has to date and/or marry down. They portend to her that this is the reality in the Black community. If she elects not to listen to them and maintains that she wants a man with a similar educational and socioeconomic background as hers, she is told that she will wait in vain and be without a relationship so to speak.

Many educated, professional Black women seeing no other recourse in the relationship dilemma, reluctantly and resignatedly enter into a relationship with an undereducated, nonprofessional Black man. Obviously, this is clearly a mistake. There is little or nothing they have in common. Oh yes, some people declare that they both are Black so based upon that factor alone, they ought to have SOMETHING in COMMON.

Relationships are often quite problematic anyway. So why escalate the problematical part by having a relationship with a man who is apparently beneath you educationally and hence socioeconomically. Is being in a relationship with and/or having a Black man so important that you that you willingly to sacrifice what could be a fantastic, magical life with an educated, professional man and having a quite dismally mediocre life with an undereducated, nonprofessional Black man?

First of all, many undereducated, nonprofessional Black men do not understand the professional world. To them, such a world is strange and foreboding. The typical undereducated, nonprofessional Black men can be quite mistrustful of any form of education, intellectual and career attainment. He is just content in his nonprofessional job. Naturally, this man does not wish to improve himself either educationally nor job wise.

Such a man does not pursue higher educational nor cultural hobbies. The prospect of attending plays, museums, and traveling is quite foreign to this man. His idea of a good time and relaxation is either sitting in front of a television, mindlessly watching a television show; going out to a bar, drinking and hanging out with his homebuddies, and/or indulging in other mindnumbing activities.

Any educated, professional Black woman who enters in to such a relationship will be at a dead end so to speak. She will clearly have nothing to talk about with this man. While she is excitedly discussing her work day, he will totally be nonplussed and reason why would she want to discuss work. His "logic" is that work is over, so forget about it until the next day.

If she wants to discuss intellectual and complex subjects, such subjects will be over this man's head. He is totally incapable of discussing anything on a complex level. He is what one can call "an immediate fellow" i.e. he can only conceive of things that would only immediately and practically affect him, nothing more and nothing less. Anything cultural and intellectual is not classified as immediate and practical to this man.

In essence, any educated, professional Black woman who elects to enter in such a relationship with this man is wasting her life. Since she is making more than he is, she will assume the majority of responsibilities in the relationship. This man will never, ever be on an equal socioeconomic par with her. She will always be out of this man's league educationally, intellectually, and socioeconomically. So it is totally futile for her to waste her precious moments with this man. It is quite evident that this relationship is actually doomed from its inception.

Of course, there are alternatives if the educated, professional Black woman wants to think unconventionally and outside the box. Yes, there are eligible, intellectual, educated, professional men but they are not Black. I hear some educated, professional Black women taking umbrage at a mere mention of this.

Well, why not. An eligible, intellectual, educated, professional man is just that-race and/or ethnic background should be totally insignificant in that regard. There are many educated, professional Black women who elect to date educated, professional men from other racial and/or ethnic groups. These women have smartly discerned that they have more in common with these men than she would have with an undereducated, nonprofessional Black men who could not offer her the life she is seeking.

Many educated, professional Black woman are going outside the old paradigm that she must only date Black men, even if they are undereducated and nonprofessional just because he is-BLACK! The modern educated, professional Black woman portend that she did not become educated just to settle with a man who will never fulfill her educationally, intellectually, and socioeconomically. She will rather go with a non-Black man whose qualifications would fulfill her more. This woman refuses to settle, believing that she is entitled to the VERY BEST that life and men has to offer. Amen to that.

In conclusion, there are incongruencies in the ratios of Black women attending college and/or other higher educational institutions in relation to Black men. Many educated, professional Black women bemoan the small percentage of educated, professional Black men. Many of them are told that they are not in relationships with Black men because their standards are too high and maybe they should date and/or marry down if they want a Black man.

There are some educated, professional Black woman who do date and/or marry undereducated, nonprofessional Black men because they were told to date only Black men. They were also told that since there are so few educated, professional Black men, if they want a Black man, they have to ..........well, settle. However, there are many educated, professional Black women who refuse to subscribe to this old paradigm. They are electing to find educated, professional men who are non-Black. In essence, race and/or ethnic background is very inconsequential in finding a desirable educated and professional man. Educated, professional women want men of equal status that they can interface with, pure and simple!


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    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 12 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Well said.....very well said, Ms. Davis.

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      P. Davis-Engineer 12 months ago

      I'm in the same dilemma. I have multiply black boyfriends, because of what my family thought,but I have only dated educated men. The problems with them were compatible and honesty issues. It's like black men achieve something, and they forget to be humble.

      Others set me up with black guys who weren't educated, because they figured that's what I wanted...just a black man. I told them it's an insult to insinuate that black guys are my only option and that's what I want, regardless of his educational level. Keep in mind, I'm 40, have an engineering degree, no kids, own a business, and I have never been married.

      I'm now in a serious relationship with a white man, who is 38, is also an engineer, never married, no kids, business owner, and who is a christian. From dating black men, you'd think I had no hope of finding this.

      It comes down to this, if we marry on our level, we'll give black men a reason to raise their game. As long as we settle, they will remain thugs, moochers, uneducated, and baby daddies. Let them grow up!!

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 23 months ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Pacificnurse, WELL SAID!!

    • pacificnurse profile image

      pacificnurse 23 months ago

      Black women have no reason to settle. If they fool around during their 20's and 30's and have a baby, child support or welfare will kick in. There is really no reason not to shoot for the top 20% of men, whether they be Black or White. I recently read a statistic from the Brookings Institute that for never married 25-34 year olds, there are 170 single Black men for every 100 single Black women without kids. This is the reason that women will be constantly "hit on" when they go out. Guys are thirsty due to the shortage of childless never-married single Black women. If a woman is average looking or better, they should wait until they are at least 40 to settle down, and if it doesn't work out in that marriage, just get a divorce. The courts will normally side with the Black woman regarding child custody, alimony, and child support. The only negative consequence of Black women not settling is that currently 70% of Black children are being born to unwed mothers. Black women, keep shooting for the top 20% of men and soon we will have only 15% of Black children being born in wedlock.

    • realtalk247 profile image

      realtalk247 3 years ago

      A beautiful Situation.

      Aja Brown-mayor of Compton, CA at the age of 32.

      On June 4, 2013, Mayor Brown made history in Compton as the youngest Mayor the city has ever elected.

      Mayor Brown holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Public Policy, Urban Planning and Development and a Master’s degree in Urban Planning with a concentration in Economic Development from the University of Southern California (2005).

      ******Mayor Brown is married to her best friend of 13 years, Van Brown, a Petrochemical Safety Manager and Co-Youth Director of Faith Inspirational M.B.C located in Compton, CA.

      That's how you reach goals, working together, common vision, partnering with people who are secure with themselves because they have achieved their goals and are stable. She married young, they worked together, and they both are stable following the careers they desire. Smart partnership. No insecurity.

      I think their children will have the opportunity to experience:security, community involvement-responsibility to others, achievement.

      Go Aja Brown, women you can have it all and partner with someone on the same page.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      I couldn't have elucidated this better than you have. So many of our Black people are locked into poverty because of the negative mindset and psychology which you have described. Educated, upperly mobile people, regardless of gender, should only associated with like-minded individuals as this is beneficial to themselves and later, their children. It is totally foolhardy for an educated, upperly mobile person to associate with, interface, and have a relationship with a person who is uneducated and not as upperly mobile or ambitious for that would cause havoc and discord in the relationship. When will people be smart and aware of this?

      I have also written a similar hub addressed to a more general female audience, addressing the inane folly of a college educated female who elects to have a relationship with a less educated and/or uneducated man. I received several negative comments and even attacks that I was elitist. What I was presenting was pure logic. Why would a college educated or graduate school educated woman would want to associate with a man with no sort of college education? They would not have a commonality of interests as his interests would be divergently different from hers. He also would have a vastly different outlook than hers in terms of aspirations which I gave some concrete examples of. In essence, no wise college educated or graduate school educated woman should associate and have a relationship with a non-college educated or uneducated man as there is no commonality in aspirations and/or goals. What you have presented sir is an intelligent and excellent premise.

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      Benjamin 3 years ago

      I am a very successful black man with a very good professional job. However, I have been looked down upon by the brothers since my late teens, for 35 years.

      While I spent the majority of my twenties in college, they spent the majority of their time in the streets, chasing women, getting high, selling drugs, having kids out of wedlock with stupid, loud, uneducated women. After trying to help them, I finally gave up. I tried to encourage them to read books to improve their mind and get back in school or go to college or trade school. However, these stupid men regarded books as kryptonite (see Chris Rock's video) and me as a sell-out. They had no desire to improve themselves and thought that they were fine the way they were. Yet they expected women to desire them.

      Some of these men (if I can call them that) read at a third grade level if that even though they were in their middle twenties and early thirties at that time but had no desire to improve themselves. They could not spell simple words, barely knew how to use a computer or different applications, could not write a coherent letter to save their life, and continually made excuses for being dumb. These fools had no love for learning.

      These fools could not even take care of or read to their illegitimate children, which is a necessity, because it causes children to develop a love for books and reading at an early age which increases a child's chance for success.

      Even with my education and a good job, there is still a lot of room to improve myself -- and I know it and continually do so on a daily basis and so does my wife! These are our values which are EXCELLENT values.

      Because I have been married to my wife for about 30 years, whom I met in college, she is also a professional woman and a college graduate, and we were able to produce five children with a mindset such as ours -- education is of utmost importance! They have all since graduated from college, three with masters degrees. All are happily married with good jobs (also finding their mates in college). When both parents are educated, it makes a big difference in having similar goals and like mindsets which leads to positive progression of the family, generation after generation.

      Our family has been able to avoid the baby momma-baby daddy syndrome so prevalent in today's families. Our children are teaching these same values to our grandchildren, who will hopefully go on to college and meet their future mates there also, so the upward trend of our family will continue.

      Uneducated or undereducated people, whether men or women, are a liability in our society. Many want to be looked up to but have done nothing for others to respect them. They think having children out of wedlock is fine, own three cars and five and six televisions but no books, relish in the act of watching sports all day without ever considering bettering themselves by reading a book or going to college or trade school. Little do they realize that they project this same attitude upon their children, which accounts for several generations of baby momma-baby daddy non-sense, and generations of uneducated dummies, thugs, etc.

      These fools think that having a Cadillac and a Lexus in the hood scores them brownie points for looking or being educated, even though they have not once set foot in a college classroom trade school, and in some cases, no classroom at all. They inherently teach their children that it is OK to "front" and "LOOK" or "APPEAR" educated with material things instead of college, trade school, what have you, but fail to realize that education works from the inside out, not the outside in, not from buying material things but from investing in one's mind through education and self improvement. I am not saying there is anything wrong with having material things, but using them as a "front" to appear educated when one can barely read or write as absurd. This attitude is spread from generation to generation, and what you see today is a result of this illogical thinking.

      As an example, my neighbor, who owns a late model Cadillac, Lexus, and another expensive car, is always broke and tried to borrow money from me to pay his car note and to renew his license plates several times. The house looks like it is about to fall down, and the grass is about ten inches high! The gutter is hanging about to fall off, and the concrete steps which lead to his porch are cracking and breaking off. How can one "front" with nice cars AND a house that is an eyesore to the neighborhood. He needs to sell at least one of those cars so that he can have cash to pay for the expenses of the other one (s) and any living expenses.

      Don't get me wrong -- uneducated and undereducated women do this too -- except that they may also use clothing, hairstyles (some of which are outlandish), their perceived beauty, purses, shoes, and fingernails with designs, etc. to warrant this attention. These stupid brothers and sisters belong with each other or with other races that act in this manner, but not with upwardly mobile or educated blacks or other races who believe in education and lifelong learning who jump on the first opportunity to better themselves on a daily basis. When a suitable mate cannot be found in the black race, a man or woman should explore other races for those that are more compatible.

      These sad brothers and sisters, regardless of race, who are a disgrace to the community with their illegitimate children, poorly spoken English, thug mentality, drug dealing, etc. belong with their own kind -- meaning those who are just a dumb as they are.

      Although this article was written for women to avoid the wrong kind of man, this applies equally for men trying to avoid the wrong kind of female, as this article could be written in reverse for educated, upwardly mobile and successful black men to avoid the pitfalls of dating this same kind of female.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you so much Rachel for stopping by and commenting. It is SO appreciated in kind.

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      Rachael 3 years ago

      Well said. I could not have said it any better.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Reaktalk, couldn't agree with you more. So many people like that poster have the idea of settling with just anyone. Well, that is why there are so many relationship problems. Educated and successful people should never settle for less and that less includes people who AREN'T of their same salibre. People should aim for the best in education, career, and DEFINITELY relationships. You are eloquently spot on!

    • realtalk247 profile image

      realtalk247 3 years ago

      All affluent and educated people at not arrogant. You can still achieve success in life and remain humble. Smart dating is the key. What lifestyle do you want and what lifestyle has your partner prepared themselves to lead? What are your values/morals? What are your priorities? What have you done to position yourself to help your family (mothers/fathers) in their old age?

      Thank you gmwilliams

      " I staunchly believe in having THE BEST- the best job, the best life, and the best man. " You said this perfectly. Excuses, failure, living below your potential expecting other people to provide for you and take care of you...........REALLY? Light and dark (achiever and non-achiever) can't dwell together, they have nothing in common. The achiever seeks opportunity while the non-achiever looks for obstacles and failure.

    • profile image

      PMARTIN 3 years ago

      Being affluent and educated doesn't justify arrogance, in fact it should bring forth humility. I consider myself successful and very very thankful--I don't look at at a woman something I would or would not "settle" for.

    • realtalk247 profile image

      realtalk247 3 years ago

      Amen gmwilliams. Smart dating is important.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you again. So many Black women only see race/color in a relationship. There is more to a relationship that race/color. What is race/color anyway as humankind is one race. When one enters into a relationship, he/she must must highly discerning. What is the educational background and career prospects of a person with whom the relationship will be commenced? So many relationships are doomed because people refuse to practice smart dating.

    • realtalk247 profile image

      realtalk247 3 years ago

      What an amazing article!!!!!!! The article is true. Some women are more interested in color than commonality which leaves them pursuing relationships doomed to fail. When you attempt to partner with someone who can see their failures in your success; you have a relationship doomed to fail. A relationship is about smart partnership, common mentality, goals, healthy interaction, and being friends. When women make money and their men don't, the relationship goes from equal partnership to mother and son. Real men that achieve status and wealth do not require a woman to not achieve any success or feel threatened by their woman's accomplishments.

      By the way. Congrats Counselor C! May God bless your union.

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      CounselorC 3 years ago

      I agree with the author of this article. I have been accused of being an educational snob because at the time I had 2 Masters Degrees. I also only dated educated black men. The problem was that the guys I dated kept cheating. Not this does not apply simply to black men but this was my experience. Even the educated black men who had bachelor's degrees became upset when they found out I had 2 Masters Degrees. I even date a white man who had no education and the intellectual conversation was not there. Now I'm in the final stage of my PhD and I'm getting married in 25 days to an educated man who has his PhD and he just happens to be white. He always motivate me and encourage me. Our conversations last for about 6 hours and we have lots of topics :-) So happy we found each other.

    • Unassimilated profile image

      Unassimilated 4 years ago

      gmwilliams, please disregard the very first post I made. The profile no longer exists. Thank you very much.

    • Unassimilated profile image

      Unassimilated 4 years ago

      As an undereducated Black man, I beg your pardon!

      This article is engorged with fallacious premises and assumptions for one. Reading this took me back to the very essence of what has supported the long-standing racism and classism, which abounds in our country. I will address only two of many and tackle them according to their level of outrageousness; starting with the most appalling.

      Firstly, what standards are lowered whenever a college-educated Black woman dates or marries an undereducated Black man? Are you assuming that non- college educated men are lesser than college educated men or women? In what ways are they lesser? Are they lesser in intellect, drive, honesty, respect, passion? Are our grandparents lesser than us (assuming they had not reached your level of education)? What aspects of her life is this so-called educated Black woman neglecting by coupling up with an undereducated Black man? Further, what does undereducated mean? Is it like underprivileged, undeserving, and undesired? This fallacy presumes that college education is inherently better than other life skills Black men acquire throughout their lives such as trades and other certifications that often lead into entrepreneurship. Your writing seems to entangle worth with education. This is the same argument made by Margret Sanger and other Whites who deemed Blacks intellectually inferior and deserving to be “put out of their miserable existence”- her words. By omission, your writing adopted the premise that college is better than no college or that college is the only way of attaining education. It mentions no other form of achieving education. Your writing supports the creation of a separate microcosm of a class of men and women within the macrocosm of classes in society. Appalling - “they have decided to lower their standards and start dating undereducated, nonprofessional, service employees and/or blue collar men. “ Sounds familiar? This small-minded thinking has me scratching my head as to how such ill-bred thought could come from such a well-read person. Enough on that…

      In the second point of my response, I hope to identify clearly to your readers that this sort of thinking handicaps our ability to continue to ascend in society - “Relationships are often quite problematic anyway. So why escalate the problematical part by having a relationship with a man who is apparently beneath you educationally and hence socioeconomically.” I am tempted to leave your readers to draw their own opinions about the prior statement but I would be remised if I did not ensure that your readers understood that this mindset only further severs our community instead of drawing it together. Rather than using the education of Black women to strengthen her community, you are advocating its exportation out of it. I will give you my own example, one of many. A close relative of mine worked concrete all of his life and I do not think he had ever set foot in a college classroom. He met and dated his wife who was pursuing her degree from Florida State University. They moved into his existing 14’x60’ mobile home and began their life together. Pretty soon, he started building a house around the trailer block by block and paid as they went. The home was completed and there was quite a bit of equity. He became a licensed general contractor and the two of them began a business building and selling homes; she brokered the loans. I do not think that I need to go any further into the story but if you think I am BS’ing you, look online for CV construction in Tallahassee, Florida. Needless to say they are well off. Now I know this is not the rule but this is definitely not the exception either.

      I wish you would focus on building our community instead of dividing it further with rigid and unbending absolute point of views such as the espoused point of views in your post. That is all.

      ~Unassimilated ~

      I am a 39-year-old non-degree holding, concrete finishing, and diesel mechanicing polyglot. I am also a Black entrepreneur soon to be marrying a 40-year-old beauty in the final stages of her dissertation. We complement and compliment one another just fine.

    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime

      Topic: "College Educated, Highly Successful Black Women- Don't EVER, EVER Settle For Less In Your Relationships"

      I agree that successful Black women should not settle for less, but I disagree that an uneducated Black man cannot be a good husband to such women. I have a few good, uneducated men in my family. They educated their children and treated their wives well. Every uneducated man is not thuggish, lazy, or low-key. Now, I do agree that more Black men, especially the capable ones, should resort to getting more education. Those women who do not want an uneducated man even though he is good certainly can settle for that decision. However, there are many intelligent Black men who do not have a formal education but have managed to be successful because of their self-esteem, love for God and family, and endurance. I know some terrible educated and wealthy men who were/are rotten husbands and fathers. A man with pleasing character traits is a man worth looking at twice. When I consider all of the divorces, even among the educated and financially successful, I know that something is missing there in spite of the degrees. My point is that there are good and bad men in many walks of life, but many women, as well as men, lack the necessary skills needed to select that partner that will last a lifetime, and that is important.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 4 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Thank you for your analytical and eloquent response.

    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 4 years ago from Southern Clime


      There is so much in your article to look at, and the differing views are quite interesting.

      There are predators out there looking for accomplished women to leech off. Some would settle for uneducated women with children, living in government housing, and getting other benefits. When Black men return from prison, they often have a lot against them. They are convicted felons and often find it very difficult to be accepted in most companies’ employ. They usually have difficulty finding housing. Both of these problems are due to their records as convicted felons and a lot of space following the last job to their release from prison. They also may be far behind in child support payments due to imprisonment, which could cause them to lose their driver's license in some states. Child support does not recognize “I cannot find employment.” Even if they manage to work odd jobs and get a car, not having a license is a problem waiting to happen.

      Some men who have been out of prison for as long as ten years, and have not committed another offense, still have a problem because of these records. There seems to be no forgiveness or trust. Yet, some wonder why they are repeat offenders. Imagine the frustration of a man who cannot get a job or housing. This is a serious problem. Are such men likely to marry? No. Many of these men may resort to leeching off women for support or even going so far as selling drugs to get income. Yes, these men caused their own problems, but multiplying unemployed men in the society that we all live in will affect us all. Although most unemployed men do not seek government benefits, some are beginning to catch on, and they are growing. They reason that it beats starving or going back to prison. This is a problem that will be ignored mostly until it boils out of control.

      You wrote, “However, there are some friends who inadvertently advise that these same women who date Black men who are traditionally outside of their purview. These friends reason that a good Black man is a good Black man regardless.”

      I believe that.

      If an uneducated man, who is reasonably good, has high self-esteem and is willing to work to help support his family, he can be a great husband to a professional wife. I have seen it many times. I knew a woman, for example, who was an administrator in her field. She married a handyman. He was resourceful and sought to improve his status. He later became a supervisor over the maintenance department at an institution. He also had a second job that he performed at home for a period of time to make extra money. His income grew above his wife’s. They were very happy and remained together until he died in his 70’s a few years ago. The wife adored her husband. An uneducated man can be successful if he is willing to work hard at his goals and move forward. This is not uncommon. Such men also fall into the “good man” category. A man returning from prison can be a good husband if he is truly reformed and is willing to be a real man.

      Interesting hub, gmwilliams!

    • Express10 profile image

      H C Palting 5 years ago from East Coast

      Touche PennyK!

    • PennyK profile image

      PennyK 5 years ago

      I went to Yale. I may have a "lowly" public school teacher job, but I still have an education which is more than most minority men have. I'm not an "Ivy League snob" but I won't seriously associate with men of any race who have NO higher education. Yes, I'll date "State" college graduates. I just don't appreciate being hit on and harassed constantly everywhere I go by the high school dropout drug-dealing thug types just because of the color of my skin. I don't appreciate that my skin color alone, nothing else about me like LIFESTYLE, upbringing or education or even the way I dress, talk, walk, and carry myself, attracts only or mainly the "I dropped out of school in the 8th grade and went into the military and now make more money than you" type. Gross. I initially think those kind should all be taken out and shot, just to make them keep off of ME. The only way I can get the kind of men I deserve is to search OVERSEAS, in like, Israel, Italy, Greece, or Romania?? I have a nice guy who's in medical school back in Israel where he went back to because he grew up there - there, where after all Israel borders Egypt where people LOOK like Native Americans (sort of, anyway) so he's used to what he doesn't even consider "interracial" - we both grew up college prep, the only difference being my college-prep school wasn't all-girls nor boarding, and his was.

      It's only American-raised white men who are this racist, by the way. If you can scrape together a trip to Europe you will have much better luck being appreciated for your EDUCATION and BRAINS by those with similar education and intelligence, of all colors of the rainbow. Stop thinking of them as "just wanting their ticket into the US or Canada" and open your mind to the fact that you actually have lifestyle and educational similarities with them, and you will be better off -- and feel better about yourself, by the way. No way would I date or marry a fellow American or Canadian, ever -- as we've discovered anyway, they wouldn't have us. Native Americans are in the same boat, but the ones who "look White" fare better.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      To Express10: Join the club. We are not snobs but smart women who consider all aspects. We as mature women know that college educations gives us a wide sociocultural and socioeconomic purview. Why should we settle? I staunchly believe in having THE BEST- the best job, the best life, and the best man. I believe that these people who critique us are just envious and miserable, that's all. Let's move on and be the people that God made us to be!

    • Express10 profile image

      H C Palting 5 years ago from East Coast

      I too have been accused of being a snob, Aunt Tomasina, etc. Too many have their dreams shut down from an early age in a variety of ways and are never encouraged to do what's best for them. The norm for many (but not all) is to "stick to your own kind" or take what you can get. This nonsense about not hoping for much is pervasive in black culture and this is what many get. Voted up and awesome.

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Hey Larry: I want to add that you are a very smart and savvy man and right on the money so to speak. I concur that we are known by the company we keep. I have been accused of being a snob and an elitist because I believe that highly educated, professional women should only date men who are the same. This is logical. They have much in common educationally, intellectually, and socioeconomically. These factors are important components in a relationship.

      Also, from my experience of friends who dated men who had less educations and nonprofessional jobs, they were miserable. They did not have much in common with these men. Their interests were different; however, they were told that any man was better than no man and they erroneously fell for this hook, line, and sinker! Women should go with men with whom they have an equal parity with, no more and no less!

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      Totally concur with you, Larry. Thank you for stopping by and starting the discussion.

    • Lawrence Da-vid profile image

      Lawrence Da-vid 5 years ago

      A highly successful woman, be they "black" or "white," or whatever, should maintain that level of lifestyle on their own.....until they find the right man. A woman that earns well above the median income, and has an intent of partnership or marriage to a man of equal or below income, would, at this day and time, enter into a pre-nup. In this way, neither can affect the other if they fall. Women! you've worked hard as XXXX to get where you are. You don't need some thankless twit dragging you down. The old analogy of any man is better than no man at out the window. Ladies!!!!you don't need to be accused of being a partner or involved with any sort of bad behavior because of a prospective partner. Improper behavior is contagious. move into a building where 99 percent of the women are hookers.....guess what? You'll be stereotyped immediately by living there. Don't ever let a man, regardless of desire, drag you down.....It isn't right and you know it.

      This old goat has been around for 3/4 of a century and has seen it......first hand. from friends and relatives.