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Communication is more than it implies

Updated on August 25, 2011

One ripple can easily turn the muddy waters

That about says it all.

com·mu·ni·ca·tion

  <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/audio.html/lunaWAV/C06/C0689300" target="_blank"><img src="http://sp.dictionary.com/dictstatic/g/d/speaker.gif" border="0" alt="communication pronunciation" /></a> /kəˌmyunɪˈkeɪʃən/ Show Spelled[kuh-myoo-ni-key-shuhn] noun 1. the act or process of communicating; fact of being communicated. 2. the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs. 3. something imparted, interchanged, or transmitted. 4. a document or message imparting news, views, information, etc. 5. passage, or an opportunity or means of passage, between places. This really tells it all here.... There is not a number 6 but maybe there will be someday. After these 5 things have been done to share with another , the one thing that we all need most is to know we were heard and understood. However even then it becomes that we want the other to change their ways an thoughts to our own... or some people do. A person can quietly, loudly and with tears share their feelings and thoughts...... but that doesn't means the other is going to alter theirs. Most can't feel anger and still understand another views . Many can't even speak when angry, others only share when that way. If I had to add to the dictionary a number 6 , it would be that to communicate is to send information and that it is recieved. We all have our own style .... of everything we do and say..... but wouldn't it be grande if we could share of ourselves and the ones we share with get greater knowledge, better insight, different level of awareness... maybe that should be number 7. That learning new things and ideas would be appreciated and sought after. What I have noticed is many times we are defensive because we think ahead.... on what question another may ask and not listen to the one at hand.... as we think we need to defend some aspect of ourselves. That could be considered paranoid or that we have something to defend or maybe past conversations lead us to know or feel that we are about to be attacked. Could be from past relationships, family or work related issues. Isn't it more fair to each other to look at each convo as a new one and that people are not the same or that each convo can be different if handled differently. There has been times that when someone communicates with me their feelings about me.... that I do get defensive. Part due to that I hold my dislikes about another to myself until I feel I am being scolded for the same behavior or in part due to that is a conversation I have already held with them a few times. Last but not least ...is when they feel what they think about me is more the truth than what I believe is so. Right or wrong I will always believe I know me better than anyone other than God..... for that simple reason ...I am right...in my own mind at the very least. However the way someone speaks to me will dictate if I will listen and learn something new about myself or in general. Out of the many people I have spoken to...I have only conversed with a rare few that are intro-spective about themselves and the many sides of truth that we all hold. We are never perfect but can strive to be perfected..... that takes time and patience and love for ourselves and others.... all others...strangers, family, animals and the differences that make us a rare blueprint of society. When we demand another to comply with our wants ....we are taking their communication away. When we don't want them to feel, think and do what is best for them ..... we shove our existence into them and expect them to exist...happily ....with no respect for who they are and what experiences they may have come across to get to where they are. My rant today is because I fully see one can love another ...adore the other.... and what they want and need or vice versa will not happen due to communication style. What they want or need sometimes does not compliment ours or even worse ....one may have to stop wanting or needing much of who they are to be accepted as the honorable person they are... all due to insecurities they have. Thus when hurt ( sometimes irrational) turns to anger and the communication is turned to antics of anger and aimed at the one they deem is making them insecure...... leaves one to walk away.....beaten and down....but will walk away still... just to salvage self-respect. So much for communication huh?

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    • Momma Mia profile imageAUTHOR

      Momma Mia 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      Thanks again Amy

      I very much relate to your story here, I also have been married a few times, 3 to be exact and there was one form or another of major communication issues. In my humble opinion a marriage should run like a great business. Everyone needs a position and job decription. Rules are made to ensure that the team works well together and the business runs smoothly. Monthly meeting are held to get the teams input and alter rules to fit the teams new needs, and sick days are there for when one can't be there fully or at all that day and they team comes to their aid to keep all going along splendidly, however sometimes one is fired due to lies, stealing, slacking too freqently and looking for another job. Compassion is always required and honesty in any kind of relationship.....even business ones. I know my simple mind works this way...lol....but I remember when Ross Perue was running for president and he said he would run the country like a business I loved he at least said that. Wish it would have stuck in the minds of our government leaders, with that said ....many business are corrupt too.

      Thanks again Amy and never give up on finding someone that will not be a tyrant and love and honor you in the most special way....with respect for themselves and you and able to listen and talk to you with love in their heart and open arms that equally make you feel special. You certainly are :)

      wishingUlove

      Mia

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      "When we demand that another comply with our wants...we are taking away their communication". "we shove our existence into them and expect them to exist...happily...with no respect for who they are". You have just rendered a perfect definition of what marriage was for me (twice), and why I will never remarry. In fact, it stirs so much anger in me, suffice it to say, the abject selfishness inflicted on me will forever leave me guarded, and more than likely, unable to fully trust enough to tolerate anything other than part-time relationships. I've had to fight to maintain my identity in everyway from my ideas to what I wear and ultimately end the marriages. If it takes living alone to be free, so be it. I gave my youth away to dictators. I'll not compromise myself ever again for anyone.

      You have touched on so many important facets of communication, respect, the freedom to honor ourselves and one another, Mia, I could not begin to do your piece justice with my commentary. Thank you for so many ideas to consider and digest.

    • Momma Mia profile imageAUTHOR

      Momma Mia 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      aww thankyou Amy

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      After I re-read your piece, I'm sure I will comment again. You've said a "mouthful", woman. Its brilliant.

    • Momma Mia profile imageAUTHOR

      Momma Mia 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      Hi Amy

      What a great comment and perfect example of flawed communication skills. I feel sure she clears most rooms anywhere she is. Thank you so much for reading and your great comment and insight!

      always,

      wishingUwell

      Mia

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 

      7 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Dear Mia,

      This is a very unique, profoundly worded piece. I will read it again.

      I can't tell you how many times I've been shocked by something someone unexpectedly said. I "expected" something else, yet when I gave my full attention, I was floored by how little I actually knew about the person. It is only in real listening that we ever know even a small portion of another person.

      Your piece also brought to mind an acquaintance I once had. Even though we were saying the same thing, I learned she never listened. She was very defensive and argued vehemently...while I tried to explain I agreed with her...all to no avail. I, along with everyone else who worked in the office, eventually avoided her. She could clear a room faster than anyone I've ever known.

      I do not have a problem with a difference in opinion, as it stimulates thought and learning, but it is demoralizing to state my case, yet not be heard, but rather presumed in opposition. Presumption defeats the purpose of communication. It shuts it down tight and throws away the key.

      Beautiful, thought-provoking writing, Mia. Thank you.

    • Momma Mia profile imageAUTHOR

      Momma Mia 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      Good Morning Yeshuan and 50 caliber

      Always nice to see you guys on my page. Thankyou for reading and wonderful comments!

      Have a funtastic weekender

      wishingUwell

      Mia

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 

      7 years ago from Arizona

      Mia, astute communication on communication, I locked step with several of your concepts that made me think and make sense of a particular break down in that arena, where rage from one flew upon me like a character vampire attempting to draw all that I am into the sewer of vile words. I had to smile in my mind and pray for them as I realized but one could change that course, Peace, Dusty

    • Momma Mia profile imageAUTHOR

      Momma Mia 

      7 years ago from North Carolina

      I am truly just throwing idea's out there and I love your usage of bouncing... thats me in a nutshell. Communication is very personal and someday we all find someone that receives what we send....and vice versa/ at the end of the day... we all must feel heard and understood.... or really do we ? lol Ok im back to my antics of so many sides of a person.... and needs ... I hope all will have comments for me to learn from.. thank you for yours!

      WishingUwell

      always

      Mia

    • VENZKHVAM profile image

      VENZKHVAM 

      7 years ago from Milk way galaxy, trying to find a more adventurous place in another galaxy with my great followers

      Dear MOMMA MIA,

      I MEAN ,is THIS COMMUNICATION gap? or something related to that! .i really appreciate the innovative experiments you do in the writing. frankly speaking this is a bouncer for me. can you brief me

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