Compliments Given by Certain Guys That Sound Awkward, Misunderstood by Pretty Girls

Some guys are to be pitied. I was once one of these poor souls. Folks, I am dead-serious. I do not know what was wrong with me or the guys I am going to talk about, but something is definitely wrong with them.

I am speaking of those guys who are super-nice, loyal, devoted, hard-working, but when it comes to giving a pretty girl a compliment, they simply do not have the tools or skills. This is not a knock on them, just a hard truth to tell.

Oh, these good guys try hard and devote lots of time to their appearance, even that doesn't help then with they are on a date with a hot chick and he feels the urge to say something nice to her. It's like a demon living inside of him takes over his ability to speak and the demon does the speaking--leaving the poor guy looking mighty foolish.

This is why I gave this piece the title of:

Compliments Given by Certain Guys That Sound Awkward, Misunderstood by Pretty Girls

• "Heyy, you don't eat near as much as your brother said you did."

• "I love your hair. It looks so nice that it looks like a wig styled by a professional."

• "I'm glad that you are not a prostitute for you would put other prostitutes out of business."

• "Your dress is almost bursting off of you. Do you enter female body building competitions?"

• "Oh, that was your leg touching my shin. I thought it was your pet poodle. I love poodles."

• "Sweetie, your face is so smooth. By chance, do you use Gillette razors or Bic disposables?"

• "Why did you say 'pardon me' when you belched? I love belching from women."

• "If I didn't know better, I'd swear that you were my aunt Gladys' twin sister and she looks very pretty for her age too."

• "Now I must tell you that your moustache will make my dad jealous. He has worn one for years."

• "Your room mate said you could out-drink any man. I like that. Women who funnel their booze turns me on."

• "Your older sister said you could put Dolly Parton to shame and I just love your nick-name, "Jugs."

• "The waiter whispered to me that he thought you looked like Marilyn Monroe. I set him straight though. I told him you were Jessica Alba's look-alike."

• "Oh, I have a feeling that my pet mule, "Jonah," will love you."

• "Look at that! The callouses on your hand is as rough as the ones on my hand. We have already got something in common."

• "Pardon my boldness, but I think you would look hot in green underwear."

And this one . . .

• "Were you born without breasts?" "I just love flat-chested girls."

See what I mean? The guys who give compliments like these to pretty girls are not just pure as the driven snow, but the loneliest men on earth.

Duhhhh!