- Gender and Relationships
Can Single People Learn to Compromise for Love & Relationships
Rules of Compromise
Being in love is about giving and taking. Loving and being loved. If you can understand this concept, then you are most likely the one in the relationship doing all the compromising. You most likely give more or are less likely to argue. Or maybe you find yourself putting up with things you normally would not put up with from any other person. Do not be discouraged that you are being taken advantage of. Because the unfortunate reality is that in most relationships, someone gives more of themselves and someone takes more or is less attentive to their significant others needs other than there owns. Now I am not suggesting that they do not love you or care for you. But maybe they just do not understand the rules of compromise.
My girlfriend is spoiled almost beyond my comprehension. She does not clean up after herself. She does not look for her own things after she loses them. And she has a sense of entitlement that is through the roof. I find myself, after years of dating her, doing all of the things that she will not do, can not do, or is absolutely to lazy to do. I do not question her love for me. But I do understand who she is. I have been told to leave her because she is lazy or selfish and etc. But she has so many other qualities I love, so I can tolerate her flawed sense of organization. I chose to put up with her lack of cleaning skills or her acknowledgement and desire to be less selfish because I do love her and I understand a few key elements in the rules of compromise. I just hope that I can set the example by following these rules and she will catch on...
1. Know Who You Are.
Most relationships are "Odd-Couple-esque" where there is an organizer and a pack-rat type couple. Choosing to stay in the relationship is an implied acceptance of each others flaws and short-comings. So fussing and complaining about your lovers selfish and/or inconsiderate ways is futile. Know who you are and what you are willing to put up with. What is and is not acceptable behavior or even what pushes your buttons. You will save yourself a lot of pointless fussing and aggravation.
2. Know Who They Are.
It is very likely, as I would bet money on it, that your selfish lover was very spoiled as a child. Spoiled children typically become spoiled adults with entitlement issues. This is difficult for us adults who were not spoiled as a child or waited on hand and foot by our parents. Understand that your lover is not being mean or taking it out on you. But is merely doing what they have always done, nothing! My girlfriend is one of those spoiled persons, but its okay.
3. Crawling Before Walking
Starting an argument about there selfish ways or your lovers lack of thinking, (whoops, I forgot) is pointless and just adds stress to your relationship. Find out if your lover is spoiled or just forgetful or if they are taking your kindness for weakness. If it is an inconsiderate mindset leading to your lovers actions, talk to them about it and explain how much it would help if they worked on those few things that rub you the wrong way. Socks and underwear on the floor, putting gas into the car after its been driven out, etc. If they are understanding, they will try to adapt. Or give a compromise like alternating washing dishes or affection for cleaning up after themselves. It sounds like the equivalent of giving stars to 1st graders, but hey, whatever works.
4. Do Not Over-Compromise
Be aware that if you give in to much to often or fuss to much about your lovers actions, but continue to give, you are an enabler. So you are just blowing smoke fussing, huffing and puffing, and wasting your breath while your lover is in their own world doing their hair or playing PlayStation 3 hogging the T.V. Remember, you can not force a selfish lover to compromise. Its always better if they cooperate and do not feel forced. However, do not give in so much that you are a push over. Hold your ground.
Remember that adults negotiate and do not argue. Your home is a refuge away from the outside world. Compromise and work it out. Love will and should compel lovers. You will have to accept flaws and cons in any relationship worth having. My grandmother told me that "Now you knew what kind of girl she was when you met her!", and she was right. So why complain when you can compromise. You can not go wrong. Good luck! And pray for me as well!