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Creative Postpartum Intimate Strategies For New Dads

Updated on February 28, 2014
jpcmc profile image

I'm a dad, husband, and Christian first. The rest is just life's add-ons: an educator, administrator, learning & development professional.


Let’s face it postpartum intimacy is a challenge for husbands. Your wife is probably not in the mood for intimacy at this stage. The physical pain, breastfeeding, the exhaustion, the lack of sleep and other whacked factors just won’t make her in the mood for love. Trying to wake her up while the baby is sleeping may not be a good course of action. As a new mom, she also needs the rest. In addition, hormones are temporarily out of commission at this stage. So expect a certain level of indifference and a lot of emotional stresses from your wife. I know it can be frustrating! But you are the third wheel and you have to get used to that.

You must realize that intimacy must evolve. Well, that’s short of saying you won’t get some loving so be creative. Like what I wrote in the husbands survival guide on postpartum depression, intimacy is no longer the yes – yes—oh–my–god–yes kind of way. Although you might get lucky from time to time, savor it. However, be realistic. You need to find alternative ways to reconnect with your wife.

But before we move forward, let me dispel a common notion about intimacy. I know most guys equate intimate moments with scantily clad women and some form of lubricant. Yes, I almost forgot the classic smoke in the end. But no, intimacy is more than the physical. Your wife needs more than the physical contact; she needs your understanding and patience. You need to make her feel special. So let’s start…

Cuddle for a change

Sometimes, closeness is all that counts. An embrace can be reassuring especially to your wife whose undergoing a lot of changes – physically and emotionally.


Nothing is as intimate as physical touch. Massaging her feet, legs or her back every now and then will definitely make a huge difference. Of course, try not to grope her as this can derail your attempt for an intimate moment. If she lets you, they you’re one lucky dude. If not, muster all your strength and resist the urge to molest your wife. Foot rubs, back rubs and head massages are great ways to relax your wife and say you love her.

Romantic dinner

A romantic dinner always gets the flame rekindled. Well, this time you may want to simply cook for her and share a meal with her. If cooking is not your thing, it would be doubly sweet of you learn how to cook. Just don’t set the kitchen on fire, that’s definitely a mood breaker.

Soft lights, quiet ambiance and soft music - these are great for an intimate dinner. It also describes your baby’s room.

Like basket

Another surprise that you can do is to make a like basket. Put in a pretty little basket all that she likes. From little snacks, trinkets to CD’s and DVD that you know she likes. An alternative is to make a new mommy kit. A little research is needed here. Know what the new mom needs and assemble it for your wife.

Watch your wedding video together

When was the last time you watched your wedding video. This was one of the happiest moments in our lives, and I bet it’s yours as well. Reminisce with her and connect with your wife.

Say I love you in different ways

Whether it’s a sweet whisper, a love note, a poem or an original song, say you love her in different ways. More importantly, say it every day. Show her that you care by carrying some of the burdens. Dong the baby chores like changing diapers, giving the baby a bath all show that you care for her.

Buy her something new

A dress, jewelry, maternity bras, it’s your choice. But go out and surprise her with something new. I’m pretty sure you know what she fancies, so make the extra effort and go get it. Make an effort to gift wrap it for her.


At last some action. Better quick than nothing you may add. But let me burst your bubble. It’s a brand of smoothies and shakes here in the Philippines. They have nutritious fruit shakes loaded with vitamins. Your wife needs a quick pick me and energy booster, this one’s for you…actually for your wife. So go out and get some. But since we’re talking about intimate moments, why not make one for her.

Sure, some may seem lame and corny, but it’s for a very wide audience. Take your pick, modify or even be inspired to create your own. Just keep in mind that postpartum intimacy is quite different from what you are used to.

Moreover, no means no! If you’re lucky to get some lovin’ then good for you. If not, you need to understand the postpartum depression and stresses your wife is experiencing. Lay low with the libido and turn on the other side of intimacy.

Just curious

For husbands: Every husband has his own strategy when it comes to intimacy. What's yours?

For moms: What's your ideal intimate moment with your husband?


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    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      That's no secret Lexie, everyone in the office knows that you love this.

    • profile image

      Lex Santos 4 years ago

      I get lots of quickies. Yes, the smoothies. :)

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 5 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      Hello David Warren,

      I appreciate the time you gave for this hub. It's great to know that you've passed this point already. Perhaps you can write hubs on your experiences on fatherhood. I'm sure we can all learn from your experience. Happy hubbing.

    • David Warren profile image

      David Warren 5 years ago from Nevada

      Thankfully those years are far behind me but I read everything I see providing it is well written. ROFL on the "Quickies!", I'll admit I skipped ahead when that subheading caught my eye. Well written and relevant information here.