Cultivate Your Sex Life With LOVE

Let’s face it, sex is a biologic need. Everyone is interested (… not to mention, excited) about it. Everyone gets curious and excited with dilated pupils with the mention of sex.

I can still remember when I was still an instructor. I used to teach and do lectures on Medical- Surgical Nursing and Psychiatric Nursing. These courses have something about them (… and I don’t know what…) that makes my students inattentive or at times even bored or sleepy. And I could see their eyes even sometimes filled with fear with the mention of these courses. They get just an average (for the more hardworking ones…) score for their quizzes and examinations or some even fail. But when the topic on Psychiatric Nursing about human sexuality is starting up, everyone gets so attentive, so engulfed and interested as if I’m in front of a new crowd… and suddenly I feel so blessed to have such an audience who are suddenly interested in what I have to say.

Sex sparks up my lectures and it encourage my students to suddenly have the initiative to learn and listen… that it becomes their “salvation”… because suddenly, they have outstanding grades and eventually pass the course! LOL! =)

I, on the other hand, must admit that sex does not only satisfy my biologic need… but (obviously….LOL!) even helped me become a better lecturer because once I get my students’ attention and interest in what I am discussing, I become more inspired and I gain enough more vitality to teach.

There’s really something about sex… it has an edge compared to the other biologic needs such as food, shelter and clothing. It provides us with the intimacy we need coming from our husband or wife. We only get it from the one we are comfortable with.

Sex even amuses us in so many ways… that with just the mention of it, it wakes up our sleepy head… and makes our hearts throb.

On the other hand, sex may become dull and boring in every couple’s life. Although it gives us excitement, let’s be honest to admit that a once so amusing and arousing thing may become boring and doing it may sometimes turn into just a form of habit or a matter of keeping up with one’s responsibility. Sex like food, when eaten the same way… cooked and prepared with no variation becomes just plain with no surprises.

There are varied reasons why sex becomes a usual and dull thing. It may be caused by stressful situations, hidden grudges and hatred, anger, illness…. Or even lack of variety and skills. I would not suggest varied partners… LOL! But I could suggest an artistic and creatively innovative ways to enjoy sex once again.

Since sex and human sexuality is a biologic need and it is a form of intimate loving communication for married couples, every husband and wife must work out for them to enjoy doing it in their own preference but in a way that it becomes exciting and wonderful experience for both of them. Here are a few ways to do this:

•  Learn to manage your life well.

A well organized life will help you get off stressful situations like rushing for a deadline and at the same time taking care of the needs of your family. Stress makes your body release hormones that make you feel tired and even give you bad mood and this will affect your activities like having sex. Organize your activities and set priorities and learn to mange stress, this will help you de- stress and you won’t have to rush things up. Being free from stress and feeling good will help you have time for good quality sex.

• Boost your self esteem.

Having a positive outlook towards yourself will relieve you of inhibitions and you will gain more confidence being naked and making love with your mate.

•  Enhance your communication skills

Learn how to get your message through your partner. Speak his language and adjust your speed with him. Learn to discuss matters in a loving and graceful way. When you feel angry because of something you don’t like that was done to you by your mate, learn to talk about it and don’t forget to point out that it is the thing that was done that you hate and didn’t like its NOT HIM. Condemn the did but not the doer. Remember why you married the man… and forget all his imperfections as long as it does not compromise your human rights and self respect.

Be vocally appreciative of the good things that your partner does. If what he has done made you feel good… or even wonderful and special, don’t fail to tell him.

Communicate how you feel and learn to listen with your heart. Learn to compromise to avoid bouts of arguments that may leave scars in your heart.

Learn to comprehend and communicate non- verbal communication. Be sensitive with his actions and facial expressions. If you can’t say directly what you want him to do in bed say it in a loving non- verbal way, like putting his hands on the place where you want it to be.

Bring out all the love and positive emotions inside you every time you make love and don’t forget to adore your partner.

Be aware of your own emotions. It will help you better express yourself and it will surely be felt by your partner.

•  Stop nursing hidden anger.

Ladies, whether you admit it or not, it is common for us to hide how we really feel, especially when we feel bad and hurt. That, in return is manifested in our own actions resulting into denying our husbands the sex they need. Keep in mind that men, like women long to be pampered and loved and they do sex not just because they have the urge to do it but because they want to feel important, pampered and loved by their partner. Do not punish your man by denying him sex. Do not use it as a form of reward and punishment for his imperfections.

Learn to forgive past differences and remember why you married your partner. Remind yourself of all the good things he has done for you and how they made you feel so good and special. Do the past misunderstandings outnumber the good times you shared and the great things he’s done for you and your family? People may be insensitive, imperfect and may deeply hurt us at times… nobody is perfect… and your mate is one of them. All of us are imperfect and we need to be forgiven of our shortcomings from time to time in as much as we need to forgive to heal our own self.

Focus on the good things that your partner have done and never sacrifice them for his shortcomings.

Remember all the time, why you fell in love with your partner and why you decided to marry him.

•  Be sensitive with your partner’s needs.

As they say, “Life is an echo… it throws back what you give to it…” This is true even in relationships. If you want to be taken cared of, feel special and loved, you must let your partner feel the same. Be sensitive with his needs not only in bed but also in every aspect of his life and the life you live together as married couples. Be reminded that like any other living individual, men seek affection and understanding as much as women. This will enhance your relationship. Making you both feel more surrounded by love and pampering you both need and you will both feel good together. Feeling good especially when you are together will improve the way you express your love in bed…. And the added perks are, it will make you feel good about yourself as well, and you will be more contented with your relationship.

Behind every man’s success is a supportive and loving wife. Encourage him to do the things he love, and he will surely love you more for that.

•  Take care of yourself.

Feel good and look good. Exercise regularly and eat a balanced diet. Exercising helps your body feel better by releasing feel good hormones like endorphins. Aside from that, having an ideal weight means looking better. Feeling good and looking good relieves you from your inhibitions and be more comfortable with your body. Feeling this way will give a non- verbal way of saying, “I can do what you like so well, because I’m comfortable for being me and I’m comfortable being with you…”

•  Be generous with romantic, sexy comments to your mate

Heartfelt and sincere comments like, “hey, sexy butt! I miss you!” or “O, darling, you’re so yummy… I could eat you right up when you come home…” will surely make your mate feel special. It is always good to spend time with someone who makes you feel good and more confident.

Take care of your partner not only for his physical needs. Don’t fail to feed his ego and help him become more confident, and feel better about himself.

•  Explore and experiment.

Doing it the same way over and over makes it become a boring habit even if you love your partner so much.

Try changing venues for love making and experiment techniques. Read self help magazines or surf the net for varied techniques that suit you both.

Try using sexy lingerie and undergarments… ones that are not your usual style. This will surprise your partner.

•  Spice up your relationship.

Send romantic e- mails or text messages even if you see each other everyday or surprise him with a romantic, sexy phone call when he least expect it.

Try composing a sexy poetry or article about him, frame it up and give it to him as an unexpected present with your sexiest dress on… or give the present before you sleep when you are wearing your most seductive and intriguing lingerie.

Try finding time to make a meal for him and slip some love notes anywhere where he can find it. Or buy him some sexy underwear instead of him buying you sexy lingerie.

Kiss your mate passionately before he leaves for work… and don’t do the usual smack! Try tickling him and leave him longing for more. This will surely make him fantasize and think of you all day, and long to get home as early as he can! LOL!

•  Love your partner like there’s no tomorrow.

The best way to put the zest back into your sex life is to truly love your partner. There is no better sex that gives you more than just fleeting happiness but the sexual union you make with the one you deeply love. So, love your husband/ wife… and never forget the beauty and grace he/ she has and the reasons why you married him/ her.

Above it all, make love for the sake of love and loving to do it. Do not use it to get even or gain something. Cultivate your sex life with a good self esteem, a forgiving, thoughtful and loving heart, creativity and playful explorations and experimentation!

Do it with your mate as freely and as carefree as the air you breathe. And realize how good it feels as it nurtures not only your ego and relationship but your soul as well. Love and live it. Realize that sex is more than just physical for men and more than just a tool or a shield for women.

(This is an excerpt from my book) Copyright by DjBryle Works, 2010

(ALL RIGHTS RESERVED AND AUTHORIZED BY LAW)