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Cultivating Intimate Relationships - Fidelity the Foundation of Trust

Updated on July 31, 2010

Fidelity is a key important factor to cultivating close, intimate relationships.

Cultivating close, intimate relationships in this fragmented world of instant gratification and incessant busyness is difficult. There are so many distractions, so many tempting sideshows to lure a person away whether they be on the television, the Internet, work, or people you meet after work during happy hour. Those who have the ability to remain faithful and say "no" to such distractions in order to focus on the most important tasks and relationships will have a better chance of remaining close and intimate with those they claim to care about most. Fidelity (or faithfulness) is a key to better friendships and marriages.

Fidelity means being faithful

Fidelity means being faithful

  1. in heart, mind, and soul.
  2. in thought, words, and actions.
  3. when a friend or spouse is not present.
  4. and not making lame excuses for lapses in conduct

Fidelity means being faithful in heart, mind, and soul.

In order to cultivate intimate relationships, you must commit your whole being to the other person. This does not mean that you have to lose your self in that other person, only that you must want to spend time with them and share your life with them.

Fidelity means being faithful in thought, words, and actions.

In order to establish close friendships, your thoughts, words, and actions must be congruent. Intimate relationships are maintained through integrity and trustworthiness.

Fidelity means being faithful when the other is not present.

This means you will not engage in any conversation or activity that will demean your friend or mate. This includes not engaging in conversations of juicy gossip about that person or telling others about conflicts you might have with that person.

Fidelity means not making lame excuses for your conduct.

If you make mistakes or your actions bring unnecessary conflict or harm to your relationship, don't make lame excuses for your conduct. Be humble, confess your shortcoming, and with genuine sincerity ask for forgiveness.

Fidelity maintained through a heart of awe and gratitude

One way to retain single-minded devotion to your friend or spouse is to cultivate a heart of awe and gratitude towards them. No matter their outward appearance, you are more apt to remain a reliable friend or lover by beholding your friend or mate with a sense of awe and wonder. True friends recognize that every person is a beautiful masterpiece of God's hand, see their significant others as wonderful gifts from God, and thank God for them with a heart of gratitude. Retaining a sense of awe and wonder in regard to your friend or spouse will help you remain loyal to them and do things that prove that you are trustworthy. In this way, you will build a foundation of trust and cultivate close, intimate relationships.

Fidelity maintained through self-control

Just as fidelity is retained by a heart of awe and gratitude, it is also a product of practicing self-control. The Psalmist in the Jewish and Christian scriptures wrote: "A righteous man keeps his word even when it hurts." That means that in order to cultivate close, intimate relationships, those who wish to prove trustworthy must say "no" to other attractive pursuits, especially those that provide instant gratification. Saying no to unnecessary distractions in order to spend time with a friend or spouse will help your significant others to see that your are committed to them and reliable. Proof of your your commitment and reliability will create greater trust and they will be more comfortable with you. When your friend or spouse is more comfortable with you they will draw closer to you.


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