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Cyber dating , webcam and texting...OH My!!

Updated on May 19, 2010

Is It progression or digression?

Love makes the world go round?!?

 Progress is a wonderful thing,  as long as the  side effects are minimal and not terribly damaging. The cyber world has many advantages and many take advantage.......good and bad!  A person can shop online, research, set up and cancel appointments , advertise products and I use my pc to make phone calls as well. What a great invention here!!   However now we have to protect our pc from hackers that will steal your money, contact list and add hazardous programs to our expensive life in a box.  Dating online is last but most certainly not least of my thoughts today!

Being single for the last few years has lead me to try the online dating. At first I was aprehensive about putting up a photo.  Most turned me down flat and some said I must be butt ugly or worse. Never did I actually say what I felt at those times. Not that I am shy at all or even the submissive type but I was thinking you guys have a pic and I would guess that was your best hair day.......I wouldn't want to run my fingers thru it!   However I just stated that I was not butt ugly but I would not want to become friends with anyone that judged on looks alone. I managed to get 2 dates without a picture up.  One feel in love(lust) literally chased me around the kitchen table..........ughhh..      the other said he would love to have sex with me but he was looking for the girl next door .  What came out of my mouth...I was even shocked!  I told him " well she is probably a whore!"  So he played with his new I touch until I was finished eating.

Last summer I had at least 32 first dates............let me try to recap a few really good ones. One guy had tattoos from the neck down and spent the day showing me each one and telling a story with it.  Not a problem with tattoos..however that did seem a bit much for us 40 something generation.  * hours we shared together.  He was drooling over other chics when he wasn't rubbing the flesh off my knee caps.   Finally at the end of this bizzare encounter.... he said " I like you alot and I am willing to wait for sex.....but by the third date I do expect."   My reply ( as I was growing very tired of this cyber dating)  "Why wait?   Go home and !@#! yourself. He smiled and said really??  " You wanna have cybersex when I get home?"  My words were muffled........"yeah right!"   As I closed the door and said goodnite with my hand over my mouth coughing up a storm..........Don't call me I won't call you! 

   I have many stories that would have you thinking and laughing but will spare you anymore of the antics I had to endure to find one boyfriend (6 months we dated)  and 2 good friends which one passed away recently.   Many just wanna e-mail and instant messenger until they feel they know you well enough to ask for sex, and that is usually within an hour or the ones that want to marry quickly ( my guess for moral sex) I had 5 marriage proposal in a month and 3 never even met me.

    What happened to getting to know someone slowly,  a few hours here and there ! There are some nice guys online. I talked to many...and most of them were married looking for some excitement to come back in their lives.  They were the most honest, very much  gentlemans and really just wished their spouse would feel and make them feel the honeymoon love they had in the past. I will not date a married man so I just spoke of some things I thought might help them find that thrill within the marriage they promised .

  The webcam is nice...I use it to show my mom and dad my poodles and a wave from me! Other than that it is distracting and annoying to watch someone type back to me or worse...they are in their own home and can show the caveman personna if they so choose!

Now I get text!!  Text on my phone and my pc.  I hardly know them and they are in a texting freenzy I guess.  Nothing important...........Plus I have no idea as I have not met them and the username pops up.........I am just lost!  Who are they and what are they yakkin about?

          There are paid sites for online dating, freesites where you can upgrade and then pay. The same people are on all of them The online dating industry must be making a killing!   Sure people are lonely, yes we all need someone........but is this really the way?

   Over the past 2 and a half years I must have gone out with 100 people............talked to 500 and In all fairness...........I found around 20 of them to be articulate, witty and very honest about their feelings and thoughts.  It was refreshing too!  We spoke much about all the things we are told not to...ex.  politics and religion.  Open minded and compassionate people do not disrespect others thoughts and feelings,  so it was very nice.  These few men shared with me how the women on the sites only wanted sex and a sugar daddy.  Some said yes they obliged and others said they really do not want to catch a STD.

   At this point in my dating online experience it seems to be a cyber-circus and the acts are unkind, selfish and most people just either don't have the time to invest in getting to know another slowly or really just want sex for free.  Knowing that I am not starved for attention or affection and have a sound mind.......I feel sure there are others out there as well and I have met a few.......so maybe it is I that has the problem with wanting to have a true friend first and not just dive in a fulltime relationship ........and the one nite stands ....well even if I do have a problem with that........it just isn't for me and never has been my style.

    Refusing to just take anyone that will have me and to want a soulmate by my side may be asking much. My romantic side is still thriving and I do believe there is someone for everyone. Maybe they just missed each other at the bus stop or grocery store .

 

          

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    • Arthur Windermere profile image

      Arthur Windermere 7 years ago

      Hi Mia,

      This is an excellent hub! I've always wanted a little insight into what online dating is like to a female. I've only seen it from the male side of things, because, well, I'm a man. haha

      I'm sorry to hear your experience with online dating didn't go well. I've tried it and it didn't work for me either. You mention that men don't want to slowly get to know you. I had the opposite problem. I did want to slowly get to know women. So after about a month of exchanging emails, when I would finally ask her to meet, she would always say, "Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm dating another guy I met and it might be getting serious." So why was she still talking to me for a month? Just a waste of my time.

      I did get to meet two women, though. Both of them used camera angles to hide their weight problems (i.e. fat). The first time that happened I was so shocked I lost my charms. The second time I didn't let it bother me, but she turned out to be a cruel and manipulative person. She was talking to about a dozen guys at once and invited us all to date her at the same time! It was very awkward. I ended up liking her other dates more than I liked her; they were sweet guys.

      My policy had always been to talk to one person at a time. I wish women did the same.

      Good luck finding your soul mate, Mia!

    • Momma Mia profile image
      Author

      Momma Mia 7 years ago from North Carolina

      Thank you for your kind words and your insight of this tangled web we see..........as it is the honest ones here that get decieved. Cheers to us single folk.... for I have come to realize I rather be alone than feel alone with a partner.

      Good luck as well Mate.....you certainly have soul

    • Hernibs profile image

      Hernibs 7 years ago from Florida

      I'm just publishing a novel about the very topic: Nexttimelucky.blogspot.com (for more information)

      Having owned a dating service before I did the deep leap onto the Internet made me somewhat prepared for what was to come. But you are never really totally prepared for human nature although patterns prevail. Hernibs

    • Momma Mia profile image
      Author

      Momma Mia 7 years ago from North Carolina

      Hernibs thanks for reading! I will check you out on BlogSpot!

      MIa

    • thevoice profile image

      thevoice 7 years ago from carthage ill

      terrific great hub loved reading thanks

    • Momma Mia profile image
      Author

      Momma Mia 7 years ago from North Carolina

      thevoice

      thanks so much for reading.........it was more fun writing and recapping on the subject...than the actual learning of it...lol

      take great care

      Mia

    • Tony DeLorger profile image

      Tony DeLorger 6 years ago from Adelaide, South Australia

      Oh Mia, I so understand what you've been through with the online dating thing. I'm a guy, but not one like you've met. You are so game going on so many dates. I've been less game and in the end gave up. If Loves wants to find me, the universe will guide me and the internet will play no part, that's for sure. take care. x

    • Momma Mia profile image
      Author

      Momma Mia 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Thanks for reading Tony and good luck in all you do!

      For me the dating was more soul searching than anything. The longing to connect with others on a true spiritual level. I never thought there was so many shallow, self absorbed people out there........and my own soul searching as well....Did I really want a commited relationship? Can others handle my illness? Do I have enough mental and physical energy? As well as a few more questions I needed answered.........

      May the universe be ever so gracious and kind to you!

      Mia

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 6 years ago from Arizona

      Ms.Mia, I have to be honest here, I smiled and laughed out loud as I read this. Not at what you wrote, but what it made me think about. I've been on a computer for right at 27 months and have had some interesting, to say the least events take place. No cameras involved, heck I'm just figuring out copy, paste and other simple things. When I pulled out of civilization, I was using a pure IBM pc, to track my businesses and finances, my cell phone was as big as a foot ball and was wired to a suitcase in the trunk of my Mercedes. I could run "Lotus 123" spread sheets and speak "DOS" as it was required to move about. I was in no way ready for the Internet and the bomb of information and experiences that were to follow. I signed on to a site about dating and left a semi-truthful Bio, just not name and location. When men started sending me proposals of things they wanted to do to me, I bailed off that place like my rear end was on fire and my head was catching.

      Great article, thanks 50

    • Momma Mia profile image
      Author

      Momma Mia 6 years ago from North Carolina

      50...you are too funny......rearend on fire ...hahahhaa Well you are kinda cute....wink wink! I feel sure one day you will run into someone special ...and that you will have another resourceful person to share your love and land with!

      thanks for reading!

      as always,

      wishingUwell

      Mia

    • tomy101 profile image

      Christopher Hyer 6 years ago from Midland, Texas

      Excellent article , I to am in my 40s , I think that's what you said, and have found it very interesting as a man in the online dating deal, I know there are some real nuts for men , and the women I have met never look like the photo. haha Neither do the guys I bet. Take Care and thank You.

    • Momma Mia profile image
      Author

      Momma Mia 6 years ago from North Carolina

      Thanks for reading and the great comment! Yes cyber dating has its drawbacks......but if patient...I hear many have found true love. I now too join among the ranks of blissfully happy....and i found her on a cyber date site....lol

      take care

      wishingUwell

      Mia

    • ImYoungAtHeart profile image

      ImYoungAtHeart 5 years ago from midwest US

      Loved your article and can relate in many ways. I wrote a similar one on developing online relationships with some tips. You can read it here https://hubpages.com/relationships/Developing-Onli... if interested. I'm glad I stumbled across your writings very insightful.

      imyoungatheart

    • kd4rvb profile image

      kd4rvb 5 years ago from Titusville, FL

      Dating has been a practice I have avoided like the plague. Your interesting tale helps me to know I made the right choice. Its a scary world out there and soulmates do tend to eventually find each other if we but keep our eyes open. Great Hub!

    • Momma Mia profile image
      Author

      Momma Mia 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Thankyou both for reading imyoungatheart and kd4rvb for taking the time to read some of thoughts and feelings. Hope you both are enjoying the fresh start of this week!

      wishingUwell

      Mia

    • Matty Says profile image

      Matt Stupar 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Hi Mia!

      I know that these experiences were probably not funny at the time, but you have made me smile with several of your anecdotes. The Tattoo guy was my fave. :)

      I found an excellent lady online over two years ago and we are still madly in love. Online dating definitely takes some sifting, but good stuff can come from it. And for all the time wasters, at least they make for fun stories.

      Hope you're still "blissfully happy." And keep up the great writing!

      Matt

    • Momma Mia profile image
      Author

      Momma Mia 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Thank you Matt

      I am very happy now as I found the one I want a forever with. We just became engaged and will marry In September. Looks as tho I was looking in the wrong places but I did meet her online. Thanks for reading an I am so glad you found some enjoyment in the blog!

      always

      wishingUwell

      Mia

    • Alastar Packer profile image

      Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Momma Mia! That's some spicy dating info! Please please Momma Mia tell me those selfish and ungentlemanly dates weren't native North Carolina men. Our beloved mom's surely raised us better. The on-line dating seems a hit and miss affair and its a shame the gentlemen are married thrill seekers. This wasn't exactly on-line dating but can you believe one lady wanted to fly me half way across the world for a life of pleasure and riches! Hope you said no 'cause it was only a night dream. Tis good to laugh at ourselves sometimes isn't it Momma Mia. Your absolutely right a beginning friendship is key to a happy relationship and I do hope your still blissfully happy in your new marriage.

    • Momma Mia profile image
      Author

      Momma Mia 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Thank you Alastar for reading and fantastic comments.

      Yes it is great to find laughter within ourselves and our own antics.

      Truly I am happy now with my new life, bestfriend, soulmate and wife! My only wish is that I would have allowed myself to know I am gay earlier . Once I got the OK from God , it still took me years to act on it. However I know waiting assured me this time with Kim and found my soulmate and bestfriend!

      While online dating I paid for my meals and such and most times theirs as well. One North Carolina gentleman however would not allow. He said his mom would kill him if he did allow LOL so yee I truly understand you not getting caught in a night dream that someone tried to purchase your affections.

      Hope you enjoy the new week and have a perfect day!

      wishingUwell

      Mia

    • prasadjain profile image

      Dr.S.P.PADMA PRASAD 5 years ago from Tumkur

      Your experience shows difference facets od human psychology.

    • Momma Mia profile image
      Author

      Momma Mia 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Hi prasadjain

      Thanks for reading today and your comment is much appreciated Hope you have a wonderful day:)

      WishingUwell

      Mia

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