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- Separation & Divorce
D is for Divorce
Divorce is a bad word, but it's not the end of the world.
Add Heidi Klum and Seal to the list of broken marriages. People we thought were rock solid, like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, J. Lo and Marc Anthony, all headed to divorce court. Worst of all, they have children involved. Darn it, why can't all couples live happily ever after?
So what is involved with divorce?
I was not a willing participant, but got to know the lessons of the "School of Hard Knocks," regardless of being dragged in by my heels. If someone would have asked me, "do you believe in Divorce?" I would have answered, "no way!" Unfortunately, it takes two people to get married, but only one person to get a divorce. In case you're still wondering, I wasn't the one who quit the marriage.
Here's the low down of why people get divorced:
- Irreconcilable differences. I call BS. There are no "irreconcilable differences," only stubborn and insecure individuals. They use this excuse to go find a "soul mate" behind your back, or point fingers at you for everything that goes wrong in a relationship. Look, if you want to fix things, there's always hope to find a therapist to work with you. But, if you've never developed coping skills, well, I guess this excuse is the way to go.
- Emotional/mental/verbal/physical/substance abuse. That says it all: If you had to put up with someone who had complete disrespect of you, and had to punish you mentally, physically or with abusing their own body to show you they don't "give a sh*t," then it's high time to pack up and leave. For your own good.
- "I'm not in love with you any more." This is a camouflage for cheating. Refer to rule #1. Someone else has taken your place and you are no longer important. They "love you" but are not "in love" with you. Translation: "I'm in love with my lover now, and you are toast." For your own sanity, don't question "why?" Accept that this person just doesn't appreciate your loving qualities, and cut loose the dead weight.
- Infidelity. Sharing is not caring when it comes to monogamy. Not cool when you share your privates with some other person. Please refer to rule #1 and #3.
- Apathy. That would qualify for rule #1. When you stop caring about someone, and your marriage in general, then what's the point? This can come about from distance, growing apart, or just plain lack of communication. Sad but true. It only takes one person to let the ball drop. And there's nothing you can do about it, no matter how hard you try, or you turn blue in the face trying.
For anyone contemplating a divorce, I urge you to read more about the consequences. Your life will never be the same again when you file for divorce, especially when children are involved. If Demi Moore has taught us anything, it's that life is ever evolving, and no one defines you, but yourself. Keep your focus on your own life and goals, and you'll do fine.
"D" is for divorce, but that doesn't necessarily mean something bad. For some, it's a time of re-awakening, re-discovery. What you think is the worst tragedy in your life could be the best triumph for your goals.
If you have any comments or questions, feel free to message me: I live for feedback. My best wishes to everyone, whether or not they walk the path of divorce.