Dating 101 for the LADIES

We all know that when putting in serious effort to find your other half, dating isn’t easy by any means. I have had my own personal issues with dating myself as a woman. Dating provides a learning experience for all of us and may or may not lead you to the right person. I’ve had many learning experiences along the way and I would like to share some of them with you here. Some I am guilty of doing myself, and some I have seen others do.

#1- Watch What You Say:

Of course communication is a big one that must never get old. This is how you get to know one another, share your thoughts, ideas, feelings, goals, etc. However, sharing too much at once may make the guy back off a bit due to information overload. Work with one thing at a time slowly instead of trying to cover your past, present and future all in one day.

#2- Don’t Put Your Heart Into It Right Away:

Ok ladies, so you’ve been talking to this guy for a few weeks. He seems nice, listens to everything you have to say, now you believe the two of you have a lot in common. No matter what, try to refrain from “putting all your eggs in one basket” so to speak. Your emotions are running high and you’re all excited about your new potential romance, but man oh man how quickly things can change! Don’t set your hopes too high because you may be setting yourself up for major disappointment. If things should turn sour, chances are he will just brush it off and keep moving while you are sitting there wondering how/why things got to this point while waiting for him to contact you again.

#3- Keep Conversations About Your Ex to A Bare Minimum:

It is best to only speak when spoken to when it comes to things pertaining to your ex. I’ve done well with this, but I’ve known some girls who constantly bring up their ex or exes to someone new they are seeing. Not only does it give the impression that you are not over him, but he may just become fed up and tell you he can’t do this anymore and thinks it is best that you just go back to him. I know some girls are prone to playing the jealousy game, but this is certainly not the best strategy to use. If you are asked what happened between the two of you, clearly state your case and end it at that.

#4- Be More of An Optimist:

No guy wants to be with a “Debbie downer.” If you are having personal issues in your life that are really bothering you, try to talk to your friends about it if you can; even if it is a close family member or even a counselor. You don’t want to be overbearing and suddenly just pour all your problems onto your new guy. This also ties in with #1.

#5- Don’t Be What They Call A Stage 5 Clinger! :

Let’s be real, most guys don’t want their girl up their ass 24/7. They need room to breathe and believe it or not, so do you! Don’t fill up their inbox or call log with texts or calls constantly wanting to know their every move. LET HIM CHASE YOU! Constantly wanting their undivided attention paves the road to disaster because it smothers people. When someone feels smothered, they just want to break free, right? Give him his space and have some for yourself too. Go out with friends, spend some time alone doing the things you liked to do before you even knew they existed. By doing this, you are making room for your relationship to grow and develop while not sacrificing who you are for someone else. Afterall, doesn’t the saying go, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?”

#6- Gather Your Facts:

Do you trust your guy enough to believe every word he is telling you? You only know what he chooses to tell you, but are those really the facts? Well, only time will tell with that, but there are ways of finding things out on your own too. This may sound really bad, weird, or even crazy, but if you spot something suspicious than you have every right to do what you gotta do to protect yourself as well as your heart. Let me tell you two of my experiences I have had with online dating. The first guy I met, a friend of a friend actually knew who he was! It was said that he wasn’t relationship material and that he always starts things but never finishes them. He also has a history of misleading women and is just a lazy person. I believed every word of it because he seemed unemotional, didn’t have a steady job and would go weeks without talking to me saying how busy he was. Hmm, yeah, I don’t buy it, sorry! I ended things right after I was told about his true character.

Another one I met, I’ve talked to him for two months, everyday. I was really amazed by this guy and really enjoyed talking to him. I called him too good to be true. After a few month of constant communication, he decides to send me a friend request on facebook. After I accepted, I began to view his wall. As I was reading, I noticed that he changed his relationship status from in a relationship to single TWO HOURS before he sent me the friend request! Not only that, he had multiple statuses having to do with his ex-girlfriend promising how he is going to make things right with her and how much he loves her. It certainly wasn’t the end of the world for me, but I was really disappointed by the stuff I was reading. I confronted him about it and he tried to tell me that she hacked his facebook! If that were true, why didn’t he just delete it?! What I didn’t understand is if he knew that was on there, why did he request me as a friend in the first place? If I would have just accepted him and that was it, I wouldn’t have known about what was really going on if I didn’t take the time to read his posts and get a feel of what he was really all about. I then told him that I couldn’t do this anymore and wished him luck with him and his ex. Too good to be true eh? Indeed!

Dating isn’t easy by any means and that is probably part of why some guys out there want something with no commitment. They would prefer a meaningless encounter rather than putting in the effort to make something more meaningful. Believe it or not, there are some people out there who want something special too. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason though. I also believe that there is a man for every woman out there. You just need to roll with the punches and learn as you go. I hope I was able to give a little advice to all those single ladies out there by sharing what I have experienced or have seen others experience as well. Best of luck to all currently in the dating game!