Dating Horror Story Chronicles, Part 1: 15 Types of Men To Avoid

Now, I'm a woman in her 40's but I have two teenage daughters. To say I hear "horror stories" of dating with teens is to put it lightly. I've heard my share of dating deal-breakers and yet these poor souls continue to follow unhealthy paths of finding true love.

I'm here to save women from the perils of dating.... One mistake at a time.

As a woman who went through her own share of dating mishaps (see my profile for more comedy/drama), I'm here to give you a break down of fifteen different types of men to avoid.

And let me say, if you detect the slightest proximity to what I describe, please drop this guy like the toxic potato that he is.

1. The Stringer. This guy can't be mistaken because he isn't present enough to be in a relationship with you, but he'll randomly pop up when you least expect it. He wants to keep his options open and you are designated as his "back burner" lover in case of an emergency. If he contacts you, he's broken the glass and is desperate.
2. The Manipulator. That applies to women as well. Basically, anyone who uses you for their own gain is "manipulating" you. He may expect sex from a date or feminine affection for giving you an iota of attention. Flush.
3. The Liar. Once you catch him in a white lie, it tends to snowball into bigger, darker ones. Then the deception starts. Then cheating. Then more lies to cover up the deception and cheating. Don't put up with a liar, end of story.
4. The Ordaining Priest. Or in other words, a guy who wants to turn you into the more "perfect" version of you. This will never be healthy, you know that right? I once dated a guy who said that I would learn to love country music and start cheering for his sports teams. To this day, country makes my ears bleed and I'd rather perform hara-kiri than sit through a televised football game.
5. The Poker Player. Or just any player. This type sees you as a game-player and will use you like a tool. If he's lonely and needs a bad itch, he'll text you for a booty call. If he's looking for an ego stroke, he'll contact you late at night on text or Facebook chat. He is emotionally crippled, but is good at playing odds. Odds are you'll buy his charms and give in.
6. The Oddball/Emotionally Immature. Is it unfair to call these introverts? Not all are the same but many fall into the "nice guy syndrome" when it comes to dating. Red flags: They spend too much time playing video games, they are too obsessed with winning your affection/attention. They may even attend Comic-Con Conventions wearing their Trekkie gear or Star Wars outfits. We love them, but we're not "in love" with them.
7. The Emotionally Retarded. Please excuse me for not being PC, but guys who have the maturity of a 5-year-old with a learning disability are what's known as "emotionally retarded." Grow up and deal with conflict or avoid the whole concept of relationships. Enough said.
8. The Tech Geek. See number 6 and 7. It's a combination of both. If a guy is more interested in his tech gadgets and "upgrading," then you probably won't fit into his list of priorities. Especially if he only talks about the latest technology on the market when you're on a date.
9. The Dependent Mama's Boy. I have extensive knowledge in this, so message me if you want more details on how to spot them. Basically: you will notice that he respects his mom... too much. She may still be doing his laundry (in his 30's or 40's) and he will be putting her on a pedestal (one which has no more room for you, regardless of how small her butt is). You will not win. Ever. Give up while you still have your dignity.
10. The Social Misfit. Another form of introversion. Not that all introverts are bad relationship-material. But if a guy can't get along with your friends, won't agree to meeting your family (or friends) and is hesitant to introduce you to his, run... Run fast, run hard, run deep. Just RUN!
11. The Emotional Crutch/Sounding Board. Yes, there are men as well as women who use you to dump their emotional baggage when the time is ripe for harvesting. Do NOT, I repeat, DO NOT engage in a man who just lets you know about how other women screwed him over, broke his heart, used him, or made off like a bandit while he (along with you) are left licking the wounds. Co-dependency at it's finest.
12. The Drug Addict. Pills, injections, sniffs, alcohol, marijuana, it's all the same. Addictive behaviors (and OCD) are all major red flags of emotionally crippled men. Just say "no" to these types.
13. The Materialist/Narcissist. Drives a luxury vehicle? Wears only new materials of a designer label? Views you as an investment rather than a human being with feelings? Yeah, time to upgrade to a person who has empathy and values the qualities you have as a human.
14. The Emotionally Unavailable (AKA "not that into you"). We've all heard of this type before. In fact, my friend (Natalie LieLue) in the UK makes a living blogging about this stuff. It doesn't matter if he says he's not ready or he's not good enough for you, either way, he's got issues you can't resolve for him. Let him go (like a bad line of fish) and hold out for the trophy fish.
15. The "She-Man." (AKA "metrosexual male"). He's technically a man, but he's got the tendencies of a woman. He'll cry at chick flick showings or when he unleashes his "she-man" emotional baggage. He basically needs you to shoulder his emotional issues. See problem #6, 7, 11 and 14. We women don't particularly like metro-sexual males, unless we have problems of our own. In which case, refer back to 1 through 14. You can easily spot them by their trimmed eyebrows, gelled hair, wimpy attitude or emphasis on grooming.

Case in point, if a "man" has too many issues, he's probably not a man at all, but a "man-boy." As a bonus tip to who to avoid (if you're a heterosexual woman in the single dating pool) is the "closet beard." He's just looking for a female to cover up his homosexuality that he hasn't come to terms with. He may start out as #15 (the "meterosexual") but if he makes unusual gay jokes or uses his sexuality to withhold pleasure from you, you should be very afraid of the "beard" growing around his face. You.

Drive safely and keep your future priorities in your front view perception. Driving while looking in a rear-view mirror will surely make you veer off the path you're going. Either way, stay clear of these fifteen roadblocks to love, or you'll find yourself in the love Twilight Zone.