Dating: How fast is too fast?
Relationship Timeline
- Meeting
Followed by flirting, "hanging out", texting, and late night phone calls
- Dating
Going out romantically together in one-on-one situations
- Becoming Official
Once you realize things are clicking, you get the official title as someone's boyfriend / girlfriend
- Meeting the Friends & Family
Meeting the friends is no big deal, it's our way of making sure you are compatible in our social circles, meeting the family however, is our way of telling our family to get to know you because you may be around for a while.
- Moving In
This step is more dramatic because it's a full package. This means constantly staying under the same roof together and seeing a lot more of one another. With this also comes sharing responsibilities with bills and housework, which creates more stress on the relationship.
- Proposal / Marriage
Once you make it through all of the precautionary stages, you may realize that you have found the one that you can make a life with.
The Nature of Dating
We have all been there. You find a great guy or girl and soon something strange happens, you realize you really like them ... and then they turn crazy. Somewhere in the beginning stages you learn about some weird habit or behavior and then you're out. But what if the reason isn't too crazy, you just didn't take the proper steps to prepare yourself to be with that person?
If the person your dating reveals to you that he or she really wants to wear your skin, then you should leave them. However, in most cases most crazy behavior is acceptable once your given time to create comfortability. In my few years of experience in both dating and listening to the rants of friends, I have observed the proper way to prepare oneself for the perfect relationship, and the key to it all, is time.
In today's modern society, people are starting to date at younger and younger ages. Teens are have long-lasting relationships and getting engaged even in high school. Some people find their person early, but to ensure the relationships success you have to give it both time and space. The problem I have seen with having a serious relationship at a young age is that at 16 or even 21 years old, most people haven't matured into the adult that they are going to be. The college experience or starting your career are huge changing factors in a persons characteristics and personality traits. So the person you 'fell in love with' years ago, may not stay the same person.
The answer here is most definitely time. Give your relationship time to blossom, meaning let each partner find themselves before you set your goal to getting married to him or her. Most of these changes happen late in the game, and by then you have taken some important steps together by moving in together or something equally as serious. So how do you fix it? How can you get back to the romance? I've got the answers you're looking for.
Save your relationship!
When the arguing starts, it is a sign of being overwhelmed. It can be easy becoming comfortable with your significant other too quickly. Being able to relax around them without pants is great, but when you are comfortable enough to let your partner see you snap or give an angry outburst is not okay. Your partner should get to see every part of you, but when they see these negative habits it worries them. The partner worries that it will be a common thing that they will have to endure. The answer here is taking time apart. Taking time for yourself is healthy in a relationship. It allows you to get the things you need to get finished out of the way so when it is time to see your partner, you can focus on the moment at hand.
Taking time apart has always been my secret ingredient. If the fight is bad enough, let a few days pass without seeing each other. It helps refresh things. Additionally, with that person absent, you begin to remember and miss all the little things you loved about your partnered, and you will become much more appreciative of them.
Remember to date your partner!
Being comfortable in a relationship is a great thing. Your significant other should be your boyfriend or girlfriend and your best friend simultaneously. But before you get caught up in the comfort, remember that you are still dating, and do something romantic and spontaneous from time to time. Surprise them with dinner if it is something that doesn't happen often. Meet them for lunch at work or bring home flowers. The little things are what shows that you care and appreciate them. Lavish gifts or vacations are nice, but not necessary.
This advice isn't exactly neuroscience, but give it a try and see how your relationships begin to operate.
So the next time you are feeling suffocated, take a break, create some space, and begin to re-appreciate!
