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- Dating & Online Dating
Dating Rules For the Perfect Date
Asking Someone Out
This is tricky as many have discovered the hard way. The best advice I have come across from those in the know and from books that know is to ask the person out as part of a group: You’ve got a couple of passes for the rock show. You’re going out with your gang to the pub. This makes it a little more impersonal in the sense that you’re not directly asking him out. It’s not a strictly ‘I” situation. If he says he has other plans, it’s not going to sound as bad as “I don’t want to go out with you.”
If he says no outright, I think it’s time to realize that he’s really not interested. But if he says: “I’d love to, but I’m busy tonight”, then you know you can ask him out again because he’s interested. If you go out in a group in the beginning, you’ll start out by being friends which is always the best way to begin a relationship. You and your date will feel much more relaxed. And then perhaps you could graduate to dating him alone.
Being Brutally Honest on a Date
You might think that you want your date to know all there is to know about you. You fear that if you don’t tell him right at the start, he’ll find out from someone else and you’ll lose him. Or when you do tell him, he’ll tell you that you ought to have told him before and you’ll lose him. For Heaven’s sake and for yours, get wise! This requires a little knowledge about interpersonal relationships and the way men and women think and behave in various situations.
Simply try putting yourself in his shoes. Would you like to be told who your date last dated, who he slept with, how nervous he is? Avoid putting him into a situation where he will have to be brutally frank either. It’s a good idea to be honest though without being brutal. You don’t, for instance, say you do ‘yoga’ regularly if you don’t. You don’t say you’re a great cook if you’re far from being one. You don’t say you own a Mercedes Benz when you’ve got a Maruti. (Believe me, it’s you that matters in the end, not the car you drive.)
Rushing Your Date
This one is another no- no. Sure, you may be looking for commitment and Till Death do Us Part, but once you act like you are, you’re putting on the pressure. Give it time to develop naturally. You’re talking about spending forever with him. Are you so sure of him yet? The only way you’re truly going to know the man is by living with him, or spending hours with him every day so you can see his angels as well as his demons. Remember, he’s going to only show you his angels in the beginning.
Who Pays the Bill?
Traditionally women seem to think that the guy must always pay for dinner even if they in a most untraditional way ask the guys out. But why should that be? The male is no longer the sole bread winner in the family, so why must a woman act helpless? If you ask someone out, you should certainly insist on paying the bill. But guys, please do insist, whoever initiates the date. It’s more gentlemanly and will ease her fears of having been too bold in asking you out. At least she’ll know it’s not all been in vain ( at least you liked the dinner!).
The best way I think is to always insist and if he resists, at least pay for the movies or offer to go Dutch.
Some women let the guy pay it all when they’re not interested. I would do the opposite: contribute when I am interested.
That First Kiss
I know, I know. Lots has been said and written about how one must never kiss on a first date. Or how deep one must kiss on a first date. Getting your kiss responded to is a matter of gauging feelings right.
If she or he is more than a foot away from you and if you’re in danger of upsetting the coffee when you first take the plunge, it certainly means that either your kiss is ill-timed or he’s just not interested. You can’t just suddenly lunge you know. You’ve got to get a little closer, play with her hair, maybe brush it out of her eyes as she talks to you. You’ve got to watch for the way she lifts her face to yours.
And if she clutches at you during a scary scene at the movies – you’d better take that seriously as the come-on it’s meant to be. And don’t shove your tongue into her mouth without warning either. I’m sure you’ll sense how far you can go by the way her lips behave.
Here we’re not talking about breaking off a relationship. I mean you’re only two to three dates old, so really you can’t call it a relationship. So don’t go out with him just because you’re being polite. That could give him all the wrong signals and you won’t be able to get away from him. But do break off politely. With a smile or with some excuse that has even a grain of truth in it. Blame it on work pressure or wanting some time alone or your zodiac signs not matching. There are lots of ways to avoid saying things like: “I hate the way you kiss.” “I thought I’d found Mr. Right but you’re one nerd I wouldn’t wish upon my enemies!”