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Dating for Introverts - Tips on Getting Started

Updated on December 10, 2011

It might come as a surprise to many, but introverts are people too. Which means that, in spite of a need to be alone to re-charge their batteries, these folks still want to have meaningful relationships with people, and relationships of a romantic nature are by no means excluded from this list.

I've been discussing introverted lifestyles with a bunch of people lately, and the issue of dating has come up a bunch, so I thought it would be fun to give it some attention.

Extroverts might not realize this, but dating for introverts is not exactly easy, mostly because getting out and socializing takes a ton of energy and is often something that introverts avoid. This makes meeting new people kind of tough!

Many introverts date folks they meet through school, work, or local organizations
Many introverts date folks they meet through school, work, or local organizations | Source

So where can introverts meet new people?

Because the prospect of going out to a bunch of parties, mixers, and singles bars may not be all that attractive, I invite introverts to consider the following places and activities as some alternate means by which you may meet other singles:

  • Through work or school
  • Through clubs, classes, church groups, and volunteering projects
  • Through online dating sites

I've also noticed that a lot of my introvert friends who are in relationships or married met their significant others in their youth and childhood, so perhaps you might consider your existing pool of friends and acquaintances when contemplating potential, er, mates... or whatever it is you humans call your romantic partners.

Which would you prefer?

Are you a fan of the "opposites attract" idea?

See results

Should introverts date extroverts?

In some essays and books on introversion I have read, it is suggested that introverts and extroverts make particularly good couples because each person provides a bit of what the other party lacks. While extroverts help to introduce introverts to new people and ideas, introverts help extroverts to slow down and recoup. With this in mind, I encourage introverts to not be afraid of dating extroverted types.

That said, I know a lot of introverted couples who really enjoy being with someone who understands their need to be alone, so if you would prefer to hunt for primarily introverted people, here are some online dating sites that cater to more introverted clientele:

  • Nerd Passions - A dating site that connects users based on shared passions (and features a whole lot of geeky ones!)
  • IntellectConnect - A dating site that emphasizes brains over looks
  • Alikewise - A dating site that connects people over a shared love of books
  • Science Connection - A dating site for professionals in the scientific community

Keep in mind that mainstream dating sites such as Match, eHarmony, POF, and OKCupid also harbor a LOT of introverted people.

Weigh in!

Are you introverted? Where do you find good dates?

See results

Are you introverted? How do you go about dating?

I'm going to be perfectly honest here- I don't date. I think the prospect is horrifying. So... I am not exactly the expert on this subject- I'm just opening this thread for general discussion.

So if you have any recommendations on dating for introverts, I would love it if you shared them in the comments! If you're dating, tell us how you deal with the stress of going out and meeting new people. If you're in a relationship, tell us how you met this fabulous person. And if you're married, share with us where you found your beloved significant other!

If you're pressed for time, you COULD just weigh in in the poll to the right. Whatever works for you!

If you come away with anything, though, know that as an introvert, you're not alone. There are lots of fabulous people out there, and the right person for you is only waiting to be found.

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    • melbel profile image

      Melanie Palen 

      6 years ago from Midwest USA

      I can understand why a lot of introverts would prefer dating other introverts. It's convenient and less stressful. Dating an extrovert definitely has its perks, but it's a lot of work, well, at least from what I've noticed!

    • Simone Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Simone Haruko Smith 

      6 years ago from San Francisco

      Dude, HubPages could totally be an online dating site of sorts, Wesman Todd Shaw. Any online community could be! I'm always on the lookout for HubPages couples. It's such a thrill to spot one!!

      Ah, the pickiness dilemma. How inconvenient it is, eh videogameviking? Here's hoping all the picky ones out there find their matches sooner rather than later :D

      Thanks CarltheCritic1291! Video is currently in a limited beta phase on HubPages and will be rolling out to more people soon! We're just working out some of the final bugs. I'm shooting with a Nikon D5100, and in this instance, a 50mm f/1.4 Nikkor lens.

      Hehee, I'm sure they'll understand, lord de cross. After all, I'm in the same bucket as they are! As for learning Japanese, the only easy way is to be born in Japan and raised with the language! Guess I'm not so helpful =___=

      Very interesting, melbel! I think it would be rather fun to date an extrovert... since anyone with even some introverted tendencies could use someone to help him or her get out more. It's interesting to see that, from the polls so far, the majority of introverts tend to prefer other introverts! I wonder if those proportions will change as more people take the poll.

    • melbel profile image

      Melanie Palen 

      6 years ago from Midwest USA

      I'm sort of an ambivert and it's kind of strange for me. I love being around extroverts because I'm just enthralled by their enthusiasm and seriously, when it comes to extroverts, I'm like a moth to a flame. However, being with an extrovert can often be difficult because sometimes there are certain social expectations I feel like I have to live up to.

      Dating an introvert is fun because it forces me to be more extroverted, because SOMEONE has to call and order the pizza.

      Overall, though, I think I'd prefer dating a guy that's an extrovert.

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 

      6 years ago from New York

      @-@ So cool! I mean, Hope those geeks don't get mad at you Simone!...because you are one of them. Any tip in learning Japanese the easy way?..

      LORD

    • CarltheCritic1291 profile image

      Carl 

      6 years ago

      Three things:

      First of all, interesting Hub. Second, when will uploading videos to HubPages be coming out? Third, (out of curiosity) what camera did you use to shoot your video?

      I can't wait till the option to upload directly is available that will be awesome :)

      Oh and interesting hub, I'm more of "ambivert" myself. Great Hub, keep up the great work, voted Up, Awesome, and Interesting.

    • videogameviking profile image

      videogameviking 

      6 years ago from California

      I'm an introvert too, and I think it boils down to our type being overly picky, and wanting a mate who is truly authentic. It may take time for us to find the right person, but ultimately it's worth the wait.

    • Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

      Wesman Todd Shaw 

      6 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

      I'd never suggest that THIS site were a "dating site" - but the facts remain that with all the social interaction here....it's a possibility.

      Of course I'm rather isolated and forever online - little wonder I see it that way, but no...I'm rather fascinated still with someone I started talking too years ago on blogs on that forgotten social networking flash in the pan.....Myspace.

      I think a thousand miles is a requirement so far as my personal....well, all the women interested seem to be at least that far away.

      CRIES!

    • Simone Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Simone Haruko Smith 

      6 years ago from San Francisco

      Thanks barryrutherford!

      It's interesting how you and your husband's dispositions have changed, tipoague! And hahaa, it sounds like I have a lot in common with your younger self. Thanks for the comment!

      And I'm with you on one-on-one relationships, carol3san! I find them WORLDS easier than those within larger groups.

    • carol3san profile image

      Carolyn Sands 

      6 years ago from Hollywood Florida

      Hi Somone, Thanks for the great info. I am an introvert also, but mostly in groups. One on one relationships are usually not too bad for me. Voted up and interesting.

    • tlpoague profile image

      Tammy 

      6 years ago from USA

      I didn't get to watch the video, because my laptop's speakers aren't working, so I will have to watch it again later. Anyway, I think I am a mixture of introvert/extrovert. I love the idea of being social and meeting people, but horrified at expressing my feelings when I am upset, or dealing with conflict, and even dating when I was younger. I tell people I am wired weird. I sometimes cry when I am happy, and laugh to deal with trama.

      I found this hub interesting because I have been married to the same guy for 21 years. He use to be an extrovert, but has now become an introvert. He hates large crowds, shopping, and trying to socialize with others unless it is on his terms. I went from being an introvert, to becoming more of an extrovert. I grew up sheltered and didn't socialize much. In the end, I guess you could say we balance each other. Sorry for the rambling...I found this facinating to read and figure out what type of person I am. You have my vote!

    • barryrutherford profile image

      Barry Rutherford 

      6 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Love this well Done Simone Love the Video & topic !

    • Simone Smith profile imageAUTHOR

      Simone Haruko Smith 

      6 years ago from San Francisco

      Thanks for stopping by, THEHuG5! And I couldn't agree more.

      angela p, that is so romantic!! Y'all sound like an AWESOME couple.

      Thanks for sharing, formosangirl!!

      And isn't it cool, Jeannieinabottle?!?!? There's EVERYTHING for nerds these days! And I think we're in the same boat, outgoing-introvert wise. It IS tough finding a guy who gets that one needs to be alone after a day of work. If you figure out where they're hiding, TELL ME!!!!

      It could be an issue with the video feature, stugod! We're having some little bugs every now and then. I'll see if I can reproduce it!

      I bet they talk about geeky stuff, Jakipret, but also all the normal online dating stuff. I'd better make a profile and check it out for myself.

    • Jakipret profile image

      Jakipret 

      6 years ago from Washington, usa

      great hub, i wonder how the geeks website works/what they talk about lol kinda funny

    • stugod profile image

      Stuart Goddard 

      6 years ago from Bradford

      You may may well be aware of the UK national dish of fish and chips. Well a guy with a stutter walked into a fish and chip shop and tried to order a meal. I will have ffffff. start again I will have ffffff. Better try again. I will have fffffff.. fuk it I will have chips. Which is what your video did all the way through stuttered. anyone else had the same problem ? or is it just the distance.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 

      6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      I had no idea there was a dating website just for nerds. I will have to check it out. I would consider myself an outgoing introvert, but it is frustrating. Since I fake my way through the day pretending to be outgoing at work, I am exhausted at the end of the day. It is tough finding a guy that understands my need to be alone after hours at work. Thanks for the information!!!

    • formosangirl profile image

      formosangirl 

      6 years ago from Los Angeles

      I have many colleagues who are introverts. I will share with them these tips.

    • angela p profile image

      angela p 

      6 years ago from Richmond, Virginia

      Great hub! I feel like I am an extrovert and my husband is an introvert. We are both electrical engineers but I am not the normal engineer where he could be considered the pocket protector wearing nerd...in a way.. he keeps to himself where I love to socialize with people. I actually even proposed to him down on one knee. He doesn't initiate conversation with others but I make up for it. We work well together.. I think.

    • THEHuG5 profile image

      THEHuG5 

      6 years ago

      This is an interesting hub. As an introvert myself I usually just wait for guys to ask me out I've never made the first move. I usually end up dating guys that I have been friends with for a while. I don't like just jumping into the whole dating thing and usually when a guy asks me out right away it freaks me out lol.I think introverts should at least attempt to be a little more open and social. Just get to know more people. When you put yourself out there you'll be surprised at how many good things can happen.

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