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How To Get The Kind Of PartnerYou Want

Updated on May 15, 2019

How to find a partner that matches what you are seeking...

One of the most commonly asked questions amongst my single friends is “how does one find someone that fits what they are seeking, and that is interested in you in return?” Some of the people are freshly out of long term relationships, and others have been loan wolves. When seeking a new, healthy, relationship, I believe the number one thing to look at is to make sure that you embody the traits in which you are seeking.

Many people believe that 'opposites attract' but often what is happening is that two people have complimenting deficits, and the trade-off is that for their relationship to work, they much each carry the other. Ultimately this give power to the other person, and if one of the people doesn't do for the other, well, then it all comes falling down. Resentments begin to build up, and often times withholding becomes a worsening aspect of the relationship.

When one has the opportunity, in advance, to realize what traits they would like in a partner, they can take the time to embody those traits themselves. When we want to make changes in our life, and we wish to create something different/better than we have created previously, then most people have a list of things they wish for in their next relationship adventure. Perhaps they might wish for someone more fit... or someone who is a obsessively tidy...or someone who remembers birthdays and always sends a card... or perhaps they wish for someone who doesn't smoke... or doesn't re-wear clothes... or someone who wants to help with the dishes. Whatever that list is... the best way to find someone who fits it is for you to be what you wish to see in others.

It is true that if you are capable, that you might draw to you someone who simply wants you to do those things FOR THEM. So please watch out for that! But at the same time, unless you want someone to think that that is what you are about, you must be the traits that you find so valuable in others. Of course, if you would hope for a particular trait to be important to someone else, then it makes sense that they would expect it to be important to you as well. That is kind of the basis for the question in general. You wish for you both to find these things to be important, so of course they must be important to you.

There have been many times where I have been hired to Life Coach for someone, and they do not embody those things with which they state are so important to them. If someone wants to have a partner that is very physically fit, but they themselves have no motivation to be physically fit... odds are that someone who if physically active will be looking for activity partners. Someone else might want a partner that keeps their house very clean, tidy, and sanitary... and yet their own house isn't maintained to that level. Someone with high standards is going to have high standards for their partners as well.

What someone who dresses stylish, then show that by dressing stylish. Want someone who is into comics, then you should read comics yourself.

How we build our connection with someone is by viewing them as an equal, and to not hold them to an unrealistic standard. We must hold ourselves to the standards that we hope for in others. Want someone who prefers to be on time? Then make sure to give yourself enough time to arrive promptly. Looking for someone who is good with money? Then make sure to not spend outside of your means.

When each of use embodies what we are seeking, it is easier for us to broadcast that to the world in an effortless manner. We are our own walking advertisement.

If you know of someone who has complained that the people they want are not interested, and the people that are interested in them are people they would never date... this is the advice they are unknowingly seeking. You must be the things/traits that you wish to surround yourself with. None of those standards come unearned.

When we embody our desires, we also become more well balanced, and it is more difficult for the 'users' to get a foothold into your life. As we each fortify ourselves to gain the life we wish, it also strengthens our boundaries, and helps us to better communicate. It is a win-win situation all around.

I wish for each and every one of us to find, and surround ourselves with, the people that will help us to live our best life.



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    • Mother Joann profile image

      Mother Joann 

      12 years ago from Lake Stevens, WA

      I liked what you wrote, sound like the thing we need to do. Very good advice.

      Love

      Mom

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