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Dating tips for introverts: First date advice for shy and introvert guys and girls

Updated on July 5, 2012
Go on a date with someone who you can talk to for hours and connect with on an intellectual plateau you are comfortable standing on.
Go on a date with someone who you can talk to for hours and connect with on an intellectual plateau you are comfortable standing on. | Source

In this post we lay bare the 5 most basic yet important dating tips for introverts that are above and beyond cliché words of advice like dress well, speak properly, be confident, look good, etc. If you are an introvert guy or girl, read on because this practical post talks about real life dating tips that are more than just skin deep.

1) The introvert date: Picking a like minded date

The first dating tip for introverts is to be put into practice even before the date actually begins. It is critical for you to remember not to get drawn into society and popular culture's concept and definition of beauty.

Just because some of the best selling magazines and sitcoms show the perfect romantic date as a meeting between a guy with a chiseled body and a girl with the looks of Cleopatra, doesn't mean your date is supposed to be like that too. There is a team full of experts who tweak the models and actors' looks to make them look prettier and more glamorous than they actually are.

So forget the artificially implanted image of an ideal date, and pick a person who you find will make for great company. Before asking someone out on a date, ask yourself whether you will be able to sustain an intelligent conversation with him or her.

Wear clothes that you are comfortable in. The last thin you want to worry about on your date is becoming conscious about a tight fitting t-shirt or a barely there skirt.
Wear clothes that you are comfortable in. The last thin you want to worry about on your date is becoming conscious about a tight fitting t-shirt or a barely there skirt. | Source

2) Avoid wearing clothes that you are not comfortable wearing

Regardless of whether you really want to change your fashion IQ or your clothing style, trying new stuff out on your first date is not the best of ideas. Dating for introverts is all about being comfortable and most importantly, not being conscious about a piece of clothing that does not fit properly.

If you are not the guy who likes to wear flashy shirts, don't. If you are not the girl who can carry out a skimpy outfit with a plunging neckline, don't. If you don't see yourself wearing body hugging t-shirts to show off your buffed body, don't wear one. If you are not comfortable showing a lot of cleavage, don't bother wearing a top that does, on your first date.

Introverts generally have a beautiful knack of looking beyond the clothes and peering into their date's personality. So keep it real and wear the type of clothes you are generally comfortable wearing.

Be yourself - allow your date to lean in to you for what you are and not for what you can be.
Be yourself - allow your date to lean in to you for what you are and not for what you can be. | Source

3) Put up a facade but don't try to be someone else

The most important dating tip for introverts and for that matter, extroverts alike, is to be yourself. You can try as hard as you like to become a Brad Pitt or a Kim Kardashian for your date. However your true personality is always going to shine out later.

By nature, introverts like to think which in many ways, allows a person to look beyond the facade of clothes, makeup, accessories and other material objects – Straight into their date's real personality.

While it is okay to put up a facade to make a good impression on your first date, don't go overboard. Allow your date to look into your personality and develop a liking for you, for who you are and not for who you can be.

If hitting the floors of a nightclub are not your thing, don't do it.
If hitting the floors of a nightclub are not your thing, don't do it. | Source

4) Don't plan an activity that is out of your comfort zone

Would you really enjoy a wild night of dancing and drinks at a club? Are you someone who likes to hang out at flashy lounges and bars? If you aren't, don't try to glamorize your date by going to a place that is generally not your cup of tea.

If you like quaint coffee shops, take your date there. If you like to go bowling, take your date bowling. If you like the quiet little restaurant by the harbor, ask your date to take you there. Think of a fun thing to do with your date which is within your comfort zone.

The whole idea is to feel at ease with your surroundings and enjoy the company of your date, rather than be in awe of the place you are at. Introverts generally like quiet places and activities that pique their interests.

Thinking about it too soon?
Thinking about it too soon?

5) Don't expect action on the first date

Magazines and columns make give you advice on how you can get lucky in the sack on your very first date, but in real life, it isn't always so. An introvert guy is not your typical 'I want to get into your pants tonight' kind of guy. And introvert girl is probably not the one to jump into bed on her first date either.

Dating for introverts is about creating a bond that is based on common interests, hobbies, likes, dislikes, personality type and much more. There is no room for artificial relationships and fake smiles.

So focus on developing a fantastic rapport with your date and look forward to spending more time with him or her for a couple of more dates. Think about having sex for the first time and action in the sack after you have built a great platform for where you and your partner feel absolutely at ease with each other.

Introvert personality is an asset: Don't put yourself down

Until recently, an introvert personality was often looked down upon by popular culture, media and society. TV shows glorified extroverts and businesses were run by them too.

Today the world is a different place as Mark Zuckerberg, an introvert drop out from Harvard becomes the youngest billionaire and marries his introvert girlfriend in a private celebration.

Today the world is a different place as an introvert character of Sheldon in The Big Bang Theory attracts more ratings than a hunky actor from a b-grade sitcom.

Today the world is a different place as Bill Gates, an introvert himself, becomes one of the world's most famous philanthropists.

Today the world is a different place as introvert investor Warren Buffet becomes one of the wealthiest person in the world.

Today the world is a different place as introvert founder Larry Page creates an online platform used by millions of netizens across the globe.

Today the world is a different place as introvert writer J K Rowling pens down a novel which creates a craze like no other.

Today the world is a different place as introverts with great education are snatching up well paying jobs. There are countless other examples.

Times are changing and being an introvert has suddenly become very cool. It's hot to wear nerdy glasses and it is acceptable to have quirky habits. So remember this before you head out on your next date. Don't single yourself out and don't put yourself down for having a personality that could very well make you the next Mark Zuckerberg or the Steve Jobs.


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    • Vega Vallari profile image

      Nicole Paschal 

      9 years ago from Saint Petersburg, Florida

      Great advice for shy individuals.

    • carladominique profile image

      Carla Dominique 

      9 years ago from Philippines

      Nice hub. This tips are useful in such case.

    • mmsu profile image


      9 years ago from Pakistan

      Nice hub!!Well written:)

    • JKenny profile image

      James Kenny 

      9 years ago from Birmingham, England

      Great hub. I'm a great believer, at least to an extent that an introvert can often benefit from dating people with an outgoing personality, as often they help bring you out of your shell, and ultimately bring the best out in you.

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 

      9 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      I think these are great tips. And it feels like this could apply to friendships as well. Great and useful hub!


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