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Positives and Negatives When it Comes to Dating Your Best Friend - FOR WOMEN

Updated on October 24, 2012

The Positives and Negatives

This is a very touchy subject. I've had so many friends ask me about whether they should date their best friend or not. My friends don't want to ruin what they have with this one guy that they like. Their relationship means something and dating might break that up.

Dating your best friend has many positives. Though it may seem weird, you and your best guy friend know a lot about each other. You know what his favorite food is, you've seen all those baby pictures that he's so embarrassed about, and you know each other's deepest secrets. This can be a major plus when it comes to dating because you know each other more than anyone else does. According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, a best friend is "the one friend who is closest to you."

When looking for a friend, one would think of all the characteristics that that person would have to have. Honesty's a good one. They would have to be trustworthy, humorous, fun, etc. Isn't this what you look for in a guy? So, when you find that best friend, and he just happens to be a guy, there's so many obvious reasons why you would fall for him! He's your perfect match. It would seem evident that you would want to date him, or to spend your life with him.

Not only do you share your deepest secrets, but you also feel totally comfortable with each other. You know how to make him laugh and he knows how to make you smile. You could sit on the couch, watch a movie, and just hang out. He doesn't need to set up some elaborate date so that he can impress you. Obviously he already has. You could walk out to breakfast without any make up at all, not worried about what he'll think, because he's seen you like that so many times before.

Have you ever been jealous when you hear that your best guy friend started dating someone? You want to know who this girl is! You want to meet her, keep an eye on her, and make sure she's good enough for him. But, according to you, not even the prettiest and nicest girl will be good enough for him because you care about him more. Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel. If he's not sending any "I like you" signals, don't worry. He might be afraid to tell you how he feels, or he might not think that you'll like him back.

The big question is: If I date my best guy friend and then we break up, will it ruin our previous relationship as best friends? It's really hard to answer this question because it definitely goes both ways. Some people wish that they had never told their best friend about their feelings. Let's say there's a girl (let's call her Jane) and she decides to tell her best friend (let's call him John) that she has feelings for him. John could react in several ways. He might not feel at all like that, but he will tell Jane right away that they're still friends no matter what. He could get completely weirded out by the fact that Jane likes him, so he ignores her and doesn't hang out with her anymore. John might feel the same way about Jane and be completely grateful that Jane came out with it so that he didn't have to. Or John could feel the same way, but feels too shy and scared to be in a relationship.

If Jane is rejected, she's sure to be upset at the very least, but she can react differently as well. She could either agree that they can still be friends, feel too awkward now to be friends, or be completely embarrassed and try to hide from the fact that she has feeling for John. It's definitely hard being rejected, but it's a way of life.


The Final Choice

Now you have to make a decision whether or not you will tell this person that you have feelings for him. Though there are many possible negatives, (including rejection, an involuntary end to friendship, an awkward feeling every time you talk to this person, etc.) There are also many possible positive endings, (or beginnings), to this situation:

1. John is grateful Jane has spoken up because he loves her, too.

2. Even though John does not feel that way towards Jane, they happily stay friends.

3. John is too shy to tell Jane that he loves her as well, but is happy to know that she feels this way about him.

4. John does feel this way about Jane, but feels like dating will ruin their friendship. In the future John realizes that they were meant to be together.


Of course many of these scenarios don't happen every time, but sometimes they do happen. Picture this: you're sitting next to your best friend after he has gotten into a severe car accident and the doctors say that he will not live. Would you have wished that you could have told him how you feel? Would you tell him on his deathbed? Or are you glad that you didn't tell him? You have saved yourself a a small piece of agony and sadness, but of course if he's your best friend, you will be sad either way.

I'd say: GO FOR IT! Don't sit around waiting for him to come up to you one day and tell you that he loves you. He might not have the guts. There might not be a chance to tell him how you feel if you just wait for the opportunity. The opportunity is now! So take up your courage and tell him exactly how you feel. You never know: he might feel the exact same way.

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