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5 Things Men Shouldn't Say On a First Date

Updated on August 31, 2009

Whether you’re single, divorced or going on your first date ever, there’s a certain etiquette you want to follow in terms of what not to say to a woman on a first date. You may think everything is going swell – you might even think Jane’s ready to see you a second time. And you may be right. But if you say one of the following phrases, don’t be surprised when she changes her phone number.

  • My ex is a real *****

Women call each other the B word and it has a slight sting. But, for some reason, when men say it, it sounds really venomous. And depending on whether or not your loathing for your ex comes through in your voice, it can sound shockingly forceful. You don’t want a woman you’ve just met to think you have that in you. Even if it’s only on a subconscious level, she’s going to wonder if you’ll be talking about her the same way some day. Which isn’t a flattering thought.

And don’t you for one minute think I’m a lightweight, either. I talk like a sailor and the B word isn’t a problem for me at all. But that doesn’t mean I want to hear a man use it on the first date. If you want another reason, I’d say men use this word way too often, and use it on ANY woman who does something they don’t like, whether she was deserving of the term or not. Makes me feel like I’m watching an internalized temper tantrum – which isn’t a character trait I’m looking for in a man.

  • I’m never getting married again.

I’ve had men say this to me on first dates. Maybe they just didn’t like me, and were trying to let me know I wasn’t the one. I tend to think it was more because they didn't know how to express themselves very well. It also screams bitterness. And if a man is so bitter he has to proclaim this on a first date, he’s got baggage I don’t want to open. Don’t use this line until the subject of Y’all Two marrying actually comes up, ok?

  • I’m ready to start having children.

I had something like this said to me recently. Partly a come on, partly a sincere statement that the man wanted to start having kids before he got any older. I suppose this might appeal to some women, but for those like me – who would only consider children under the best of circumstances – it’s a little scary. I’m sure he spoke of other things the rest of the night, but that’s all I could remember. Fortunately, I was able to forget his phone number, so it worked out alright in the end.

  • How do you want to split the bill?

If you have the balls to ask this question, put your all into it, cos it’s the only time you’ll ever be asking it of me. I will not see you twice, if you do. I don’t care who invited whom to dinner, I don’t care if you think chivalry is dead, I don’t care if you’re completely socially inept and have no skills whatsoever, there will be no second chances.

The man pays for a first date. Yes I can pay for myself. I might even pay for you sometime. But not on the first date. If you don’t like this idea– go find you a nice femnazi who has loathes her femininity and has a bizarre need to show you her money works as well as yours does. I’m not that insecure. I want a man who knows how to treat a lady and if you aren’t him, so be it.

  • You remind of me of my ex.

I’ve heard this from several men over the years. I don’t care if you have high or low regard for your ex, don’t compare a new woman to your old woman. Women like to feel special. We like to feel like we’re the only one you would want. We don’t want to be reminded of anyone who came before us. Would you? No, probably not. I realize a first date can be nerve wracking and you might say one of the above phrases out of nervousness. If this happens, just correct yourself. If you call the ex a bad word, say you're sorry and tell your date you shouldn't have said it. If you do it right, you'll still seem normal enough for a second date.

xx Isabella


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