12 Clever Ways to Deal with Infidelity in Marriage
How to Deal with Infidelity in Marriage
Infidelity is a big problem all over the world. Every day, we hear stories of husbands who have cheated on their wives, and wives who have defiled their marital beds and had illicit sexual relations with men they are not married to. Which leads one to ask, “How do you deal with infidelity, if your spouse is cheating on you, or has cheated on you before? What should you do, if you still love your spouse and want to avoid a divorce?”
This article will try to answer those question as well as show you what you can do to deal with infidelity in your relationship.
Let us begin by looking at how you must communicate with your spouse when you find out that he or she is having an affair.
Communicate Your Concerns to Your Spouse
Let your spouse know how you feel about his action. Make sure you don’t talk at your spouse, which means do not speak in an arrogant manner as if you have never done something wrong in your life before. Instead, talk with your husband or wife in a polite manner, but let your spouse know you cannot be taken for granted. Furthermore, give your spouse limits, such as telling him that you will leave him if he does not change. This will send a signal to him that he cannot mess around and expect to come back to you at the end of the day.
Do Not be Bitter
One way to deal with infidelity in marriage is to refrain from becoming bitter. Bitterness will make you hate your spouse. Consequently, you may act irrationally and that can lead to a divorce.
You can prevent becoming bitter by
- deciding to let go of the hurt;
- choosing not to provoke your spouse by mentioning the incident often;
- trying to maintain the way you relate to your spouse, for example, by not depriving him of marital relations or by continuing to respect him;
- taking the initiative to reconcile with your spouse when you get to know of his affair. Let him know that although you are not happy with his behavior, you still want to continue your relationship with him and so you will do your best to reach out in love to him; and
- doing soul-searching, identifying ways in which your attitude towards your spouse or your behavior may have contributed to making your spouse cheat, and trying to correct those mistakes.
A mature way to deal with emotional infidelity in marriage is to try to be patient. Patience is doing your best to endure the hurt and pain because you see the big picture, which is that you want your marriage to continue. It will make you see that you are mature enough to forgive your spouse.
improve your romantic skills
Some married people engage in infidelity because they do not get the emotional satisfaction they need from their spouses.
Therefore, improve your romantic skills, if your spouse is not happy with your performance in the bedroom. Read books about lovemaking and watch videos which teach people how to be more creative about their romantic lives.
Subsequently, apply the knowledge you acquire to your marriage so that you can keep the passion in your marriage. Breathe a fresh new air of romance into the marriage. Be unpredictable and try to satisfy your spouse. That will make him so happy with you that he will not desire to go out to get emotional satisfaction from another man or woman.
Work on Your Marital Communication
Bad communication or a worsening of communication in the marriage can lead to a weakening of the marriage bond, and this can make one partner unhappy in the relationship, which can ultimately lead to infidelity.
Therefore, work on restoring honest and open communication, if you want to overcome infidelity in marriage. Take advantage of every moment you spend together to share your feelings with your spouse. Moreover, try to know how your spouse is feeling. This will help you to resolve all issues pertaining to the affair.
Focus on Your Career
One way of coping with infidelity and ensuring the recovery process goes on well is to channel your emotions into something worthwhile which will occupy as much of your time as possible so that you will not worry too much.
So, see your work as your “spouse”. Work assiduously. Focus all your energy and attention on your job every day. After expending a lot of energy on your work from morning till night, you will be so tired at the end of the day that you will fall asleep immediately you fall on your bed. This will prevent you from losing sleep worrying about the situation.
Find Emotional Support
- If your children are in the house, let them be a source of comfort t for you. Spend more time with them. Appreciate their lives. It will make you feel better. This will help to drive away depression so that you can be productive at work.
- If your children have left the house and you are there alone with your husband, a good way to get over infidelity and move on is to seek emotional support from people who have also gone through the experience of dealing with emotional infidelity in their marriage. Such people can give you valuable insights as to how to conduct yourself, how to endure the situation as well as what you can do to move on.
Take a Vacation
Leave your home for a period so that you can assess your relationship with your spouse and, in addition, come up with fresh ideas about what you can do to restore the love in your marriage. This action will also make your spouse see that he cannot take you for granted. He may miss you and want you back, and this could cause him to reconsider his ways.
Read fiction books to help you understand that your spouse needs help and not condemnation. Fiction books will help you to empathize with your spouse and this will make it easier for you to appreciate that your spouse may have emotional issues that you can help him to deal with.
Furthermore, read non-fiction books on dealing with infidelity in marriage. Alternatively, you may decide to read ebooks on how to deal with infidelity in marriage. Try to understand how you can come to terms with the feelings of betrayal, and how you can survive infidelity and restore your relationship.
Be Grateful for Small Mercies
Cast your mind back to when you first met your spouse. Reflect on how you felt when you first fell in love with him or her. Then, try to recollect the wonderful emotions he or she has stirred up in you, the times he or she has made you laugh, the wonderful moments you have shared together, and the times he or she has wiped tears away from your eyes.
Let these memories keep you from being bitter with your spouse. Instead, let those memories make you feel grateful that you have somebody to share your love with, for there are many people in this world who would give everything they own away just to experience the moments of shared love you have shared with your spouse.
Lift your spirit so that you can go on living in a confident mood by doing aerobic exercises. Exercising will help you to deal with the stress of battling the negative thoughts that will attack your mind as well as helping you to feel relaxed so that you will not get depressed.
Therefore, do aerobic dancing in your room in the morning before you have your bath. Sing along if you can, or think positive thoughts about some great opportunities that you know are going to open up for you soon. Be happy with yourself and with the world.
When you come home in the evening too, dance your heart away to your favorite music. This is a great way to have fun as you throw away your cares and worries. It is also a fun way of dealing with infidelity in your marriage.
Learn to Trust Your Spouse Again
One thing which will be destroyed when your spouse cheats is the trust you have in him. You will lose the trust you have for your partner. You will, therefore, have to learn to trust your husband or wife again, when you are recovering from infidelity in marriage.
How can you learn to trust your spouse who vowed to love you but who hurt you?
- Remember that you have also made some silly mistakes in your life. Try to remember some of them. Let those memories make you resolve to give your spouse another chance because we all make mistakes and need forgiveness from time to time.
- Think about the love your spouse had for you in the past. Let that thought make you desire to experience that kind of love again. Say to yourself, “It is only Isaac who can make me feel this way. therefore, I will try to continue loving him.”
Studies have shown that when you pray for your spouse, it can make him more committed to the relationship. When your spouse is committed to you, he will be faithful to you and he may not indulge in infidelity again.
Therefore, offer up intercessory prayer for your spouse. You can pray a prayer such as, “Dear God, I am grateful to you for giving Isaac to me. We used to have a great relationship. However, Isaac is now cheating on me. Please work on his heart and mind. Let him remember the vows we made to each other on that wonderful day we had our wedding. Please let him remember all the delightful moments we have shared in this marriage. Please let him be more committed to this marriage. Let him not throw away what we have built just because of a few minutes of pleasure. Let him see that he is betraying me, just as you made Peter see he had betrayed Jesus, and let him feel sorry for what he has done to me and to this marriage. Give us the grace and wisdom to deal with this infidelity so that our marriage will not end in divorce. Please help us to keep this marriage together. Amen.”Pray
How to Deal with Infidelity Guilt
Maybe you are the one who cheated on your spouse. As a result of that action you are going through a lot of emotional pain because you regret your action. What can you do to deal with the guilt that you feel?
- Ask God for forgiveness. God is willing to forgive you if you are truly sorry for what you did, and if you decide never to repeat that action again.
- Ask your spouse to forgive you. This will give you emotional release and help you to feel less guilty.
- Forgive yourself. When you are tempted to feel guilty, say something such as, “God has forgiven me for my sin. Isaac has also forgiven me. I, therefore, forgive myself. I will not let this guilt control me.”
- Avoid talking about the person you cheated with. Live as if he or she does not exist anymore.
- Remind yourself constantly that even the greatest of men have cheated before. Read the stories of Solomon, one of the wisest men who have ever walked on Earth, and David, a man God called “a man after my own heart” in the Bible. Let their stories encourage you that you are not the worst of men.
- If your spouse tries to remind you of your sin, remind him or her of the wrong things they have also done to you in the marriage.
Your marriage should not end just because your spouse has an affair. What you need to do is deal with the infidelity in your marriage by dealing with bitterness, improving your romantic skills, restoring healthy communication in the marriage, taking your mind off the relationship for a while, taking care of your body, and asking God to help your spouse renew his commitment to you. When you act accordingly, you can get your spouse to change his behavior and that can help to make your marriage last till death parts both of you.
How to Deal with Infidelity in Marriage
Can you trust your spouse again if he has an affair?
© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio