- Gender and Relationships
Dealing With Your Fear of Commitment
Growing up young and in love there were so many disappointed relationships and uncertainty of what would happen next. Lots of people believed you’d get over this as you mature. However, for some of us it follows us for life. We become very fearful of commitment. That rejection feeling or thoughts are not a good feeling at all. No one wants to take a chance on the thought that their heart that may end in pain.
Being the type of person you are you put all of your time and heart into this person. This included going shopping together to make sure they looked good, picking out the right car for them, and maybe house shopping together. Helping one another find the perfect job and maybe even going as far as marriage. Then one day it all comes crashing down. That person you trusted and put your heart in their hands has crumbled a part of you that made your pure and innocent love a thing of the past. That special place you once enjoyed together is hard to ever think of giving to anyone else.
The act of binding yourself with another person seems so dangerous that you don’t even want to take a chance on it. You thought that pledge of love you took with this other person would never be broken. Now it’s shattered all over the place. Now you are only confined to thoughts of being alone.
Now, when you think about being alone day in and out are those comforting thoughts; I’m sure they are not. Think about it; was it over night that you found your first so called love, no; I’m sure it took time. Yes, you will need some time to deal with the pain of this person you felt was committed to you, betraying your heart. However, the same way we can’t judge an entire group of people by race or color by the thoughtless actions of a few in your racial group, that have no regard for others lives, of course you wouldn’t want to be grouped with such people. This is the same with relationships; you have people that hold commitment in high regard and those that don’t. You can’t group all people of doing or making the same betrayal mistakes.
Would you want to give up a lifetime with the right person just because the wrong person betrayed, hurt or disappointed you? You had dreams of vacations with the one you love, long talks and fun walks with this one, of course there is someone else that can fulfill this. You must remember not to make Mr. or Mrs. right accountable for what Mr. or Mrs. wrong did. This means give this person a chance to have their own clean slate. Open your heart to this one who has given you no reason to doubt them and has only shown you love and consideration. Your gut feeling is they really love you, but, how will you ever know if you don’t let those last commitment feelings go. Explain to this person in depth the fear you are dealing with and if they truly love you they will help you work it out.
Your fear of commitment should not take over your life. Take your life back by having control of your own emotions. Give commitment a second chance. Never give up on you. This fear has made you doubt your own decision making, and no one knows you better than you. You can do it, trust yourself and trust there are people out there trying to find such a person as you to commit to and share a life of love with. Remember no one or nothing should control you. So take back your life and take it out of the hands of the one who hurt you. Share a committed life with someone. It may seem a little scary at first but so does anything new. However, as you go forward you learn these new things were not as bad as you thought they would be. Neither is learning to get over fear of commitment if you let yourself. No two people are alike as though we all are imperfect including you. It is healthy for you to move forward don’t ever stay stuck with feelings of what you can’t do. You can do anything you put your mind to.