- Gender and Relationships
Dear Gabby - The disappearing relationships
Gabby: Hello. How can I help you?
Andy: I've been dating this girl for 4 years but it had been an on-off relationship since last year. We supposed to spend Christmas and News year together but one week before Christmas she asked me a question that I already answered twice before two months ago. I refused to answer so she stopped all communication I did not call either. She suddenly sent me a text two days for my birthday wishing me well the best. I did not text back. what should I do just ignore her?
Gabby: What was the question you wouldn't answer?
Andy: I just sent you the question
Gabby: ? I'm asking about the question she asked one week before Christmas.
Andy: Oh she asked where I had to go when her mother came to visit.
Andy: I couldn't meet with her mother
Gabby: Are you two living together?
Gabby: Then I don't understand - why would you need to go somewhere when her mother visited?
Andy: I had to go work out of state, I told her that day and after
Andy: but suddenly that was asked again after two months
Gabby: Sounds like she is not listening to you - her mind is elsewhere.
Andy: but why stopping all communication? weird?
Andy: your opinion?
Gabby: My opinion is that the two of you have drifted apart over the last year and the relationship is over.
Gabby: She appears to want to remain friends - the birthday message.
Andy: she break up because i did answer a question weird
Andy: i did not answer seem like an excuse
Andy: from her
Gabby: Yeah, I think so.
Gabby: How do you feel about the relationship being over?
Andy: well, I was expecting that because most relationship has a time limit
Andy: So ill move on
Gabby: That might be a good idea. Some relationships just seem to wither away, with no one actively trying to patch them up.
Gabby: Since you don't seem to be overly concerned, perhaps you would be able to remain friends?
Andy: Nope.... I’m not interested...
Andy: the fact she used an excuse
Andy: turn me off
Gabby: Well, I guess you should just go on with your life. You don't seem too upset about it.
Gabby: .... Happy New Year
Gabby: Hello. How can I help you?
Patty: I want my ex back
Patty: we were together for 4yrs we have so much in common, we click and know each other well
Gabby: What caused the breakup?
Patty: he said he needed to be single for a while, he needed to sort things out so I gave that to him
Patty: then 3 weeks later i googled him and he's with another woman already? i was in shock complete shock
Patty: I just don't understand how he could get into a relationship so quickly
Gabby: You shouldn't be shocked - why do you think he wanted to be single?
Patty: his words were so he could focus on his job and he's just started at his new gym...
Gabby: Well, he was thoughtful enough not to say he met another woman he wanted to pursue.
Patty: then he rings me one afternoon and he was crying on the phone ive never heard him cry ever and he said I’m sorry I’m so sorry i miss you I miss you so much, where are you, how’s pop' I’m sorry you can ring me later I have to go??? I don't understand
Patty: no he never told me about her, I found it when I googled him and that’s when he rung me the next day
Gabby: Did he find out you googled him?
Patty: yes I emailed him and said 'how could you do this to us, you said you wanted to be single and then you hook up with someone it hasn't even been a month, does our 4yrs mean nothing to you' he rung the next day
Gabby: So he's hedging his bets. He wants to keep you on hold while he checks out someone else.
Gabby: I calls them like I sees them.
Patty: but I don't think I’d ever take him back after that, I could never trust him. he keeps in touch with my daughter. I still love him and miss him but that’s not why I want him back, we just insync I guess its called
Patty: or is that not to great in a relationship when you know your previous partner to well?
Gabby: You should always know your partner well. However, in one breath you say you want him back, then in another you say you don't think you'd ever take him back.
Patty: I’m not the type of person to just go out and sleep with the first guy that passes my way, and never thought he was like that either, may be I didn't know him as well as i thought I did
Patty: oh lol yes I do want him back, just how will I ever trust him, like what if he were to go back to her? and i would be none the wiser
Gabby: He has proven himself untrustworthy, both in lying to you and going off with another woman.
Patty: we just agreed on soooo many things, he was my other half. I have no animosity against this other lady, it’s more so I can't believe he got together with her so fast.
Gabby: He works in a gym -- lots of hard bodies there to tempt a guy. I'm glad he's maintaining a relationship with your daughter - she should be let down easy.
Patty: hmmm he always told me i was the one. he broke the girls hearts to and then he rings me apologising im completely at a loss
Patty: no he goes to the gym he don't work there. but yes rest of your statement is correct
Gabby: Well, it could have been cold feet. But the question is can you forgive and forget?
Patty: yes I can.
Patty: i have forgiven him and I am trying my hardest to forget him even doing meditation units
Gabby: Does he want to come back?
Patty: I have no idea he hasn't spoken to me since he phoned up crying, ive asked my dauahter not to mention him to me when he emails just for now because its still hurting like hell
Gabby: How long ago was this call?
Patty: the two older girls are going through a hate period of him, he's a good guy like he's very caring he was when he was with us, ummm they want nothing to do with him. he tore them apart
Patty: last saturday
Patty: at around 3:15 i think
Gabby: Well, he's not rushing back. Still wants both pieces of cake.
Patty: hmmmm its not healthy. I need to focus on me and carry on. I’m not carrying on straight into a relationship though to much emotions to sort through
Paula is typing...
Patty: what would you suggest?
Gabby: I agree with you; time to move on. Return to your path and help your daughters heal.
Gabby: He can't have both of you, make that clear.
Patty: nice yes that’s what i think I will do.
Gabby: After 4 years, he has to fish or cut bait.
Patty: oh he's not having me not after that
Patty: when he asked for a break I said 'ummm u so we're finished
Gabby: Then you've answered your own question, haven't you?
Patty: e said no I just want a break I said 'oh we're finished, either you’re with me or you’re not' then he said he wants to be single so I gave it
Gabby: Then shall we delete your opening statement that you want him back?
Patty: lmao omg I’m such an idiot lol
Patty: I’m soooo sorry
Patty: may be just needed to hear it from someone else
Patty: I feel like a fool
Gabby: LOL. Sometimes you just need a mirror. Trust your own instincts. You have a lot to do just raising 3 girls.
Patty :lol yes . yes I know what I have to do, just heal my girls love them completely be the best I can be for them.
Gabby: Giving your kids love has a much better return than giving a 2-timer love.
Patty: thank you Gabby: so much
Patty: just for listening to me I needed that
Gabby: You're very welcome.
Patty: take care