ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Dear Gabby –adventures of an online relationship advisor

Updated on April 29, 2015

The Psychotic Girlfriend

Gabby: Hello. How can I help you?

Larry: psychotic girlfriend/ break u

Larry: I need some advice on my current relationship. I need to end it but don’t know how

Gabby: are you asking how to break up with a psychotic girlfriend?

Larry: yes basically she has beat me up about 5 times like split my eye brows and broke my nose

Gabby: Nasty lady.

Gabby: Did she beat you up because you tried to break up?

Larry: no. this is past experience.

Gabby: What do you think she would do if you just told her you wanted to break up?

Larry: kick the nut out of me.

Gabby: Does she live near you?

Larry: I live with her

Gabby: You're really in deep.

Larry: I know

Gabby: Are there any police records or hospital records of the beatings?

Larry: yes but she played dumb and got me done!

Larry: I’m in the UK and the police aren’t exactly great here

Gabby: "got you done"???

Larry: got me arrested after she hit me! with a wine bottle 6 times

Gabby: on what grounds?

Larry: just because we had both been drinking that night. to keep the peace they placed me in a cell on grounds of being drunk. (she is prone to violence when she has been drinking)

Larry: I was not even drunk

Gabby: They may have done that to protect you.

Larry: yes but did not feel like that.

Gabby: In the US, battered women can 'hide out' in special shelters. Battered men can as well.

Larry: we have them in the UK as well but i am trying to avoid that as she knows where all my family live.

Gabby: Well, you have to get out of there, physically. Then get a restraining order on her. You want to be away from her when the RO is delivered to her.

Larry: yes i agree but i am scared it will make things worse. she will continue on if not at me but my family. She’s a nasty piece of work and has caused me no end of trouble. i got a place to go to out of town. but i fear she will torment or even damage my dad/ dads property

Larry: I’ve had to sneak onto the pc at 5 just so she wouldn’t know. I’m really at end of my options now.

Gabby: Find a women's shelter near you and tell them your tale. They know ways to handle such a mess.

Gabby: Does she work? Do you?

Larry: she does and I do. but I work for her grandad after she forced me to quit my job

Gabby: Is there any time where she is at work but you are free?

Larry: yes there is but we only have one set of keys we have a thob that lets u into our complex

Larry: and can only have one per household

Larry: if i leave with keys she will definitely kill me! :/

Gabby: How does she normally get the keys from you?

Larry: I am in 9/10 times as I’m not allowed to see my friends just work really or shopping

Larry: or when I have to get her drugs

Gabby: Okay, when you are loose, walk into the women's center and talk to them. Be sure you have enough time to get back to the flat if you need to.

Larry: ok thank you for the advice I had nowhere else to turn too so thank you

Gabby: You're very welcome. At least you are aware of the situation. Get out as soon as you can -- there are people who know what you can do and how you can get free safely.

Larry: thanks again have a nice day/evening

Gabby: Try to get some sleep; I hope it works out and soon!

The Enabler

Gabby: Hello. How can I help you?

Amy: :my boyfriend has been going thru financial hard times for some time now and I support him because I know he would do the same for me

Amy: and now it’s like I want to be taken out and not pay for anything and just you know be treated

Gabby: In other words, you're tired of supporting him?

Amy: i know he cannot right now and with the holidays coming he has been asking me for a lot more things he needs and it’s not that i don’t want to i do i feel appreciated but holidays my birthday are coming and I wanna feel special and given something nice

Gabby: A natural desire. Do you get the impression that he's not making any effort to get work as long as he has you for income?

Amy: I don’t make a ton of money but I do for him what I can in his time of need and I don’t wanna put the stress on him about taking me cuz I know like it’s really bothering him

Amy: he does try but I think he can try harder he’s a barber so he has a few of his faithful customers come to him every so often

Gabby: A barber is a fine profession. Still, it seems that this relationship is very one-sided.

Amy: but I’m his girlfriend and I wanna be courted and do things together

Amy: he’s expressed and asked if I’m tired of supporting him but i said no cuz I know everyone faces hard times

Gabby: Your need for a little courting is natural. After all, you're not even his wife; it's not like you two are facing all of life together.

Amy: and I don’t do things for him because I’m expecting a return but it’d be nice if we could like go on date

Gabby: It concerns me that instead of finding even some part-time work to get you something, he is asking for more.

Amy: very true but he has proposed to me and yes I know he ask for things he needs he has only told me one want

Amy: I never really express to him what I need because I do for myself or what I want because I know it bothers him the he can’t do right now

Gabby: The longer a person is out of work, the harder it is to keep in the battle. This is happening all over the world -- but people find new and different paths if one has been blocked off.

Amy: I Agree

Gabby: Tell him you want a diamond ring for Christmas. Let's see how much is just quieting down the worker and how much is sincere.

Amy: it seems like he has kind of lost his motivation and I don’t know if he’s scared to get back out there or what

Amy: and I find myself to be a content person with all that i have and giving all the time is nice to just get back a thank you or a i really appreciate that

Gabby: I think you're right on both counts - motivation is lost, and he is scared. And you are enabling him by supporting him.

Amy: so how do help him with his motivation but not make him feel like I just abandon him but me also not enabling the behavior cuz how I feel is if I love you what’s my own is yours and if I have so will you

Amy: I encourage him and try to help him better his self but the motivation for himself is just not there

Amy: and I think motivation is the most attractive thing in a man and he had that once b4 when he was pursuing me

Gabby: I think it's important that he is not thanking you or appreciating all you do. You know the song R-E-S-P-E-C-T"? . The current situation is too comfortable and safe to get him moving.

Amy: yes I know the song

Amy: we don’t live together he lives with his parents and so do I I’m 21 and he’s 22

Gabby: How about a trial separation, since you don't want to lose respect for him, and you need for him to have more respect for you? I think it's time for some tough love.

Amy: yes but I don’t want him to feel abandoned but yet know he has me in his corner

Gabby: You can be on the pep squad without being the team owner

Amy: lol right I want to be the cheer leader

Gabby: Tell him that.

Amy: yes and that will open up the conversation

Gabby: Aren't his parents putting any pressure on him to help out with expenses?

Amy: definitely and that’s where the little money he does get go to

Amy: and we've been going thru the normal relationship issues as well and I know it’s dawning on him about not being able to court me or whatever because he said he can’t afford a girlfriend right now and he doesn’t just want us to break up

Gabby: Well, young lady, it looks like you have things in perspective now. You certainly don't want to get any deeper into the relationship with this pattern.

Amy: what pattern??

Gabby: Him living off you

Amy: we've been together for about 4 years now and just this last year things got tough

Amy: yes definitely NOT but he was not like this b4

Gabby: Until he gets his situation corrected, only do free things -- walk in the park, listen to music, have dinner at each other's house and so on.

Amy: we do those things and do have lots of fun just in company together

Amy: I don’t know the last time we went on a date

Gabby: So don't break up -- just keep it that your money is yours, and his money (or lack of it) is his problem, not yours.

Gabby: Tell him you want to save money up, maybe for your wedding, and not just throw it down a bottomless well.

Amy: yes i got it I just dread the conversation idk why

Gabby: It sounds like you two were friends. If you take money out of the equation, then at worst you will still have a good friend.

Gabby: I like your idea of opening with the statement that you want to be a cheer leader.

Amy: right and i think that’s the perfect way to put it to him

Gabby: Well have a good night's sleep and tackle this over the weekend.

Amy: Yes and thank you.

The revolving door

Gabby: Hello. How can I help you?

Andy: hello, me and my boyfriend has been dating for a year now and

Gabby: and?

Andy: we always breaking up, and he came back to me last time we broke up I took him back, everything was going well until he decided to start ignoring my phone calls

Gabby: This does not sound like a healthy relationship.

Andy: I texted him to ask him what was going on he said he needed a break but he still loves me

Andy: he said he doesn't want to break up cause he loves but he just want a break

Gabby: The constant breakups suggest that you two are incompatible. We can love someone and still not be able to live with the person.

Andy: yes I understand. but I feel like this is not right I don't know what to do

Gabby: Take a break yourself -- go out with friends; find someone more suited to you.

Andy: okay ,but what do I tell him?

Gabby: He's on a break - tell him nothing.

Gabby: He can't have it both ways.

Andy: okay. I don't want him to think that I will always be available to him whenever he wants to come back to me

Gabby: Exactly. Don't be a doormat. Take this opportunity to see how you feel.

Andy: okay I will thank you so much.. I think I want to tell him that I’m breaking up with him for good, should I?

Gabby: No - don't burn your bridges. All you are doing is saucing the goose as the gander is sauced

Alex is typing...

Andy: okay well, Thank you

Gabby: You're very welcome.

never quite number one

Gabby: Hello. How can I help you?

Mandy: hello, I would like to ask your advice on what you think I should do about my boyfriend

Gabby: Fire away.

Mandy: well I have been with him for over a year now and he has just informed me that he loves someone else as well as me and I don't know what I should do, do you have any suggestions?

Gabby: He's been seeing this other woman for long?

Mandy: he had dated her before me but not while he has been with me- he's not been cheating

Gabby: Sounds like a man who hedges his bets. How could he have changed his mind about her without seeing her?

Mandy: he sees her around quite a lot and I really don't know

Gabby: My point exactly. I suspect he's trying to let you down easy. Either way, he's untrustworthy. At the very least, deny sex -- no reason he should be drinking from two fountains. And it will give you a clearer view of the relationship.

Mandy: right, ok thank you, and he says he loves her more than me but he still wants to be with me... what should I do about that?

Gabby: Dump him -- it will hurt less, and you will maintain your dignity.

Mandy: fair point, but I think I love him too much to let go!

Gabby: You love him more than he does you. You will only make an ass of yourself trying to hold on.

Gabby: How old are you?

Mandy: well, that's true

Mandy: I am 19

Gabby: Oh, good heavens, girl -- go out there and MINGLE while you're young and pretty.

Gabby: Tell him you want unconditional love and he is incapable of giving you that.

Mandy: but I have never felt like this towards some one before.

Mandy: and he is completely capable of that he has been for the past year anyway!

Gabby: Not true -- he was holding on to feelings for the other woman. And you will feel like that and more if you find the right man.

Mandy: well I guess so but I don't think it is possible to love somebody more than I love him.

Gabby: You'd be surprised. Think about yourself for a bit -- is there some reason you like being a victim?

Mandy: a victim of what?

Gabby: Of his mistreatment of you.

Mandy: I don't like it one bit

Gabby: Then STOP it!

Mandy: but I love him so very much!

Gabby: What do you have to gain by holding on to someone who loves someone else more?

Mandy: fair point

Gabby: It is not attractive to be overemotional and beating on one's breast -- and it closes off better opportunities.

Mandy: I guess so

Gabby: It may not be what you wanted to hear, but remember I have decades of experience and never found a method to make someone un-love another.

Mandy: thank you for your help

Gabby: You could always hold on to the thought that he might return to you -- but not if you are a clinging vine now. Believe me, you have more strength than you realize. And better things are on their way. Flex those muscles; it's always hardest in the beginning. But if you act a particular way it soon becomes real.

© 2015 Bonnie-Jean Rohner


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Bonnie-Jean Rohne profile imageAUTHOR

      Bonnie-Jean Rohner 

      4 years ago from Williamson, New York

      Thank you for the kind words. It was fun.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      4 years ago from Minnesota

      This is a fun, great idea. I remember the 'Dear Abby' column back in the day in the newspaper. Also, when I was in college, I had a 'ask Ann & Abby' column in our dorm paper. It was so much fun to be able to give others' perspective on their problems. I think this is fabulous. Voted up and hit many buttons.

    • Bonnie-Jean Rohne profile imageAUTHOR

      Bonnie-Jean Rohner 

      4 years ago from Williamson, New York

      Thanks. There were so many manuscripts that I decided to break them up into digestible bites. So there will be more to come.

    • Akriti Mattu profile image

      Akriti Mattu 

      4 years ago from Shimla, India

      This is such a cool post :)


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)