Dedicated To My Wife

I drive. Literally and figuratively, I drive. I’ve been the major bread winner in my family for my whole life. I’ve felt like I’ve been in the backseat for some of the decisions with raising the kids or decorating the home amongst many other things, but I’ve always had veto power. I’ve always felt like the driver and even resented that feeling at times. What I seemed to miss or forget or lose perspective on at times is the importance of my wife who I saw in the passenger seat.

We all had a rough 2009. I lost my job while my mother was at home dying a slow gracious death, losing a battle she knew from the start she couldn’t win with congestive heart failure. She took a 6 month outlook and tripled it, living as she always did with grace and heart up until the end. She wasn’t just my mother; she was my wife’s adoptive mother too. In hard trying times, when people are separated as my wife and I were throughout that time… it’s hard to know where your support is. It *feels* like everyone is driving alone but it isn’t true. It just felt that way for awhile.

For me, figurative turned literal when on one of the trips back home from my mom’s house, my wife had to gently force me to stop driving and let her take us home that night. I’d always driven us home before. It felt like my literal duty as well as my figurative duty as the man of the family. It felt a tad like failure that first time but the wave of support could be felt by the simple act of my wife driving us home. Like a gentle reminder of something that had always been there. From the passenger seat, I could reflect. I could relax. I could let my wife take me through all the obstacles she always had driven me through but I was just too focused perhaps to see it.

My wife and I are a pretty good team. We’ve gone through a lot. It started when my father died when I was age 15 and moved through the times where we had a few battles with cancer and had to lead more separate segregated lives and roles. I hope 2009 was the top of the “battles mountain” but I don’t think it was. It seems alright though, I feel better knowing I have my wife beside me. She’s always driving me home, always. Whether I’m taking a break from the passenger seat while she’s driving me home or I’m the one physically driving. She’s there for me and I’m there for her. Even at the most trying times, she can make me feel like my feet are on the dash and the world doesn’t matter... for all time.