ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Defining Romantic Love

Updated on December 10, 2014

Define love.....How do you define it? Romantic love that is.

This isn't a particularly easy topic since love can be defined differently from person to person. Even though we as humans look for one easy definition that encompasses everyone.

The dictionary definition is an intense affection for another. This kind of love covers the broad scope of family, friends, etc. But what about a romantic partner, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend?

I wouldn't be the most obvious person to ask since romantic love for me has always been fighting, fussing and screaming at each other. But I would dare to say this is probably love for many couples. However, most people do not want or strive for this kind of love this is more normal than most want to believe. The idea that there will be no fighting, fussing and disagreements is a fairy tale. Although you don't have to tear the house down.

The above version of romantic love is mostly an unhealthy love. It does nothing to build the other person up or make your significant other feel good about himself/herself. Shouting matches usually result in name calling and put downs if not directly, indirectly. No one in the beginning of a relationship would engage in this kind of behavior as it would result in an immediate dismissal of any thought of a possible relationship but as time goes by and we feel more comfortable with the person we are with we let our guard down and allow ourselves to act in a manner we wouldn't with anyone else. So why do we do it with a romantic partner? It might not result in the immediate dismissal that very second but it will end the relationship eventually.

Truly defining love is not an easy task. A friend defines love as the recognition of your counterpoint in another. Is this romantic love? In my opinion, no. However, I do believe that any relationship must have balance to work. To be able to find someone that not only you work well and are a good fit with and are romantically in love with is not easy. Most people can find romantic love or what they believe is love but finding that person you fit with and are in perfect sync with is an arduous task. So how do you find that person? There is no good answer unfortunately. Sometimes you find it and sometimes you don't. This is why you see so many that settle. Those people that end up with someone they can't live with and they can't live without. This is a nonstop merry go round, roller coaster ride with no end. This has been my experience with romantic love. And there really isn't a fix for this. You either learn to live with it or leave it. Then there's the opposite side of the spectrum which is a relationship without romantic love. Both are difficult and if I had to choose(if I were in a position of having to) I'm certain I would choose the fighting relationship with love over a loveless relationship and the reason for this is because two people in love can go to therapy and possibly fix their problems or at least some of them but there is no fix for a loveless relationship unless there is some way of learning to be in love with your partner and quite honestly the feelings are either there or they're not. But I must say the only way to avoid a relationship of constant fighting and yelling is to end it once it becomes the normal end result or fix it.

There's no doubt a relationship can work without romantic love but the big question is whether you want it to or not. Often times, once the romance wears off a person will go looking for those same feelings elsewhere ending up on a continuous cycle of look, find and leave. The reason for part of this is that the brain excretes certain chemicals and hormones during the romantic love/infatuation stage. One such hormone is oxytocin and is sometimes referred to as the bonding hormone. You can read about it in it's entirety here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin. Another such hormone is dopamine(Complete Definition) and is present in a variety of addictive drugs. Almost any type of reward increases dopamine levels. So it's understandable why dopamine levels would increase during a romantic love relationship. Yet another brain chemical is PEA, a naturally occurring amphetamine substance.

It is believed that love is mostly biology based and while this may be true it is purely an evolutionary concept independent of factors outside of arousal, attraction and bonding. It takes a lot more than these three things to make a love relationship work. It is referred to as the three brain system theory. How The Brain Falls In Love. While an interesting conceptual article it's entire basis is that of evolution without considering creationism.

In my opinion there are five types of love relationships. One where both romantic love and actionable love exist in it's purest, truest form which can be referred to as unconditional love and is quite difficult to find. Two, where love exists but unconditional love is only striven for. Being that I'm a cynic it is hard for me to embrace either of these definitions but I'm working to support a new attitude. Then there's three and four on the love scale and those are: where romantic love exists and where it does not. I personally believe that actionable love cannot exist without striving for unconditional love and unrestricted love most definitely can't survive without action. Lastly, the relationship that espouses no love of any kind.

Before you ever consider a relationship without love and romance ask yourself if you can live without complete intimacy and parallel with another person.

In the end, it is up to each individual and couple to decide what love means for them.

Would you consider a long term committed relationship/marriage without romantic love?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      Michele 

      3 years ago

      Love is like two candles burning for each other. Whenever one of them moves the other will too, because they got struck by the same wind.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S63xums8ow

      I think this is very romantic.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)