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Much Ado ‘bout Destiny and Marriage (What to Do with A Cheating Partner)

Updated on July 24, 2013
Lovers should be heading towards the same direction
Lovers should be heading towards the same direction

Destiny is personal. It differs from one person to another. While it is true that husbands and wives should take the same journey, there is also no certainty that husbands and wives share the same destiny. Only soul mates at some point are assumed to be having the same pathway in life. This is why individuals hope and wish to find and end up marrying their soul mates. However, there is no sure way to recognize soul mates. There is even a blurry side to this theory that only life experiences can prove. Those who have beautiful experiences in love and whose marriage last until their old age can attest that soul mates do exist, while those who had been so desperately working out to have successful relationships remain cynical.

Soul Mates and Destiny

A soul mate is a paranormal terminology referring to a belief that every individual has an eternal partner; and that in each life, persons are predestined to travel in pair with the same partner over and over again in many lifetimes. This pair is expected to meet each time they’re back in this world, taking over different physical bodies. Believing in this cycle while having no clue of ones identities, the idea of soul mates literally makes life interesting, at the same time challenging. It involves a process of picking up every pieces of the puzzle to make it whole again, and finally reuniting to one's eternal pair.

In someone else’s unproven theory, it is being said that life relies only on De Javu, love at first sight, and indescribable fondness as the only way in recognizing the spirit behind each new person. However in the real world, these three are considered pseudo-sciences that can’t be used as a precise basis of soul mate recognition. This difficulty in recognition leads to failed relationships and even failed marriages. I share the same belief that those who are successful in marriage are those who have truly found their other half...and though the idea of soul mate is not quite clear and comprehensive, I seem to agree with some of its principles. I like the idea how it could turn life into a simple process of accepting defeat in relationships, getting rid of bitterness at once by just believing in one phrase “We're not meant for each other”, wherein there is an assumption that destiny always play an important role.

Comes in pair........stepping on the same ground while facing the same challenges life has to offer.
Comes in pair........stepping on the same ground while facing the same challenges life has to offer.

Top Reasons Why A Partner Cheats?

In the modern world where marriages are constantly failing (excuse me for my words, but I also know that there are still successful marriages out there); it is not right to regret over our choices for presumably potential partners. Gut feelings aren’t precise after all, but that’s the only thing we have to arrive at a decision. Let us learn to accept that even when couples recite the same vow to the same group of people, and pledge commitment to one another before the same God; being two persons unique from each other give them a different commitment level. Family orientation and environmental factors affect the value system of each individual. These personal traits can only appear obvious when tested through the harsh realities of married life. Some people when facing difficulties become stronger in each passing day, while some become weaker to temptations. That is why when a partner cheats, we should be looking at a lot of reasons why.

  • First, he must have ran out of a better plan to resolve difficult family situations, and since he is weak, running away is a good alternative.
  • Second, he must be in doubt about his true value at home. He is not sure whether he is being loved or where does he truly belong, and when he saw an opportunity to be loved outside, he readily grabbed it.
  • Third, he must have felt that the responsibilities as a husband or as a father get harder to fulfill each day; he felt his best is not enough and staying would downgrade his being a man, the burden, too heavy has weakened his heart and emptied his courage to stay more .
  • Fourth, he might be just extremely weak to temptations. This does not mean he couldn't be you soul mate. The possibility is still there, he could still be the one, though his physical body seemed to resist. In this case, he needs help. You must assist each other to fulfill your destiny.
  • Finally, he must have recognized that you are not his soul mate. That would hurt a lot, but the truth will set each one of you free to continue your journey in search of the real one.

All these can be recognized as personal struggles to find true happiness, not different from our own. So it would be easy not to be mad at somebody else’s weakness. Though I am not saying it’s easy to pretend not angry and mad at the situation, it helps when people think about cheating the other way around. This is the only effective way I can think of, to put a stop or just even minimize the growing number of crime of passion these days. Everyone should better start thinking that a person is designed to be in constant pursuit of his soul mate, so let go, or else be angry and sad through out your whole life.

How to Handle a Cheating Partner

It is logical to say that in marriage, it's good to keep reservations for yourself. Eventualities can happen unexpectedly, but still keep an open-mind and an optimistic heart to work everything out and make it last.

A cheating partner often sends signals each time a marriage go through life’s crossroads, so be constantly on guard. In life's crossroads, where people often meet and separate, it is important to listen very carefully. Use your heart. If a partner wants to follow a different path, then it could be his destiny pulling him to where he should be. If destiny calls, constant nagging and endless fighting won’t do any good. It will drain your brain and wear out your spirit if you resist. Life follows its own course and no human being can be in total control of it. Acceptance is easier when you are prepared, so here is the list of all the things that you (and me) can do to prepare for situations like this.

  • Be alert. Be extremely familiar with his ways. Changes in his styles may be a sign he is cheating on you. It’s less painful when you are aware of what is going on, but remember you are not doing this to start trouble.
  • Discover the truth. It is hard to gather the truth from him so investigate, be your own investigator. If he is in into social media, check on his activities. Monitor it subtly. There are already monitoring applications available today. Check what his friends are up to. His male friends must know and might sometimes be the go between.
  • If it's true that there is a third party involved, check if he is seriously hooked with this woman. It certainly takes courage to stay mum about what is going on, but keeping your cool while it is still on a pre-mature period is a good idea. Even if takes a year or two, break the news only when you have reliable proof. Find a place where you two can talk like two sane people, without yelling at each other. Make him feel that you are there to talk, that you are not mad, but needs his explanation. Ask him to tell his version of the story and weigh whether you take the bait of his alibis or not. If he sounds sincere than bluffing, then decide according to how the situation affects you.
  • Lay out your card. Consider the situation according to your parameter, not his. Do not conform if you cannot exactly live with his decision. It is hard to pretend you are alright, when you are truly not.
  • Show him you are not willing to share this road with another girl. That is not how life appears to be even in the beginning. It is always between one man and a woman. He has to choose eventually. Convey the idea that you are willing to let go, and ask how he truly feels. He too has to listen to his inner self. If you think he is your true soul mate, he must feel the same way too; otherwise, it’s going to be a one-sided journey. Be realistic.
  • Do not play an Amazona ready to put up a fight. That does not resolve any issue of a cheating partner. If your husband is in love with somebody else, and not able to keep up with the promises he made during your wedding ceremony, then there is nothing you can do with that weakness. Let go, somebody else (his true pair) might be waiting for him; and your pair might be waiting just a little ahead.

If we can master the things listed above, I think life becomes less complicated. Let's let life takes its course, and if God has a place in our heart, then it helps when we accept things as they are, and Let GOD handles it for us.



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    • profile image

      Ramonito 2 years ago

      This is so true . eventually our thughot life makes it way into our actions and testimonies. How important it is to keep our minds on tne Lord and those things that are pleasing to Him!

    • go-barbara-go profile image

      go-barbara-go 4 years ago

      Thank you RelatablePosts,

      Sorry for the late response. Today, I have gotten out of the pit of death. I am back on track after a few months of struggle against an illness.

      Indeed, the last part " let go and let God" is true in every situation, be it heart or health related issues. This line helped me as I battled against another life's trial.

      Thanks for dropping by.

    • RelatablePosts profile image

      holey wiked 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      well stated, I agree with the last part the most!

    • go-barbara-go profile image

      go-barbara-go 5 years ago

      Nobody knows, life unveils one scene after the other. All we need to do is to take that journey, a trial and error so to speak. Others are quite lucky, others may not find theirs after all. Destiny of the spirit does not follow our own (physical being) timetable, so one lifetime is not a guarantee to find yours. Maybe it will take 10 lifetimes. I have weird personal experiences that leads me to insights like this...and I am happy and anticipating.

      Thanks for dropping by. You are a very deep person.

    • profile image 5 years ago

      Fascinating hub - do you just know when you have found your soulmate or is it a kind of pre-ordained destiny that leads us to our other half? How active do we have to be to find this mystery person and why do so many end up married but lonely? Let go let God? Who knows. And I can't forget that in some cultures there is polygamy - so what is that all about then? I have no real answers but really enjoyed reading this - thanks go-barbara-go

    • go-barbara-go profile image

      go-barbara-go 5 years ago

      Thanks Billy. Sometimes life's events becomes very painful and tough... and the only thing we can do is to think on a deeper level. If not, we'll break and shatter. I am happy I belong to this community.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      You are pretty young to have such wisdom. I have been on this road, but the role was reversed....and I agree with all you have written. Fighting is a complete waste of time....of course there are emotions involved, but there is also a reality that can't be ignored. Love dies at times, and that is a reality. To hold onto unrealistic expectations is silly and harmful in the long run. Great hub!