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9 Best Self-Help Books for Single Women

Updated on August 18, 2013

Finding Love

For most single women, dating is harder than it should be. There are simply too many negative messages out there about the scarcity of good men, or your expectations may be too high after a lifetime of watching rom-coms and reading romance novels. Keeping the faith in finding a soulmate, or even just a decent date, can be tough.

Here are 9 fantastic book picks for dating, love and relationships. What sets them apart from other books in the category is that they're optimistic. A recurring message in many of the books is for women to be accountable for their own happiness. Some of them will help you improve your confidence in order to feel whole before jumping into a relationship and others will give you great advice on where to meet men and how to keep the right one after you find him.

#1: Love Will Find You by Kathryn Alice

After 10 years of being a single mother, author Kathryn Alice finally met and married her soulmate. She had two more boys after the age of 40. She found her soulmate using all the techniques she outlines in this book. Now she's not only happily married, but a successful relationship counsellor who is directly responsible for hundreds of marriages.

Love Will Find You focuses on doing the inner work to release the negative believes you have about love and the heartbreak you've experienced in the past. A great chapter tells you how to make a "soul call", where you speak to your soul mate and tell him that you're ready so that you can start uniting. Numerous success stories scattered throughout the book will uplift you, and her teachings will bring you to that positive state to draw to your soulmate closer.

#2: The Spiritual Rules of Engagement by Yehuda Berg

This book is not just for single women who are looking for Mr. Right, but for married women who want to strengthen their marriage as well. The rules are based on the spiritual laws of the universe. Yehuda Berg is a happily married Kabbalah teacher with four children. Aside from teaching Kabbalah at the Kabbalah Centre, he also provides counselling for couples.

His book empowers women to honour their own "Light". Women must not make the man the source of their happiness. Buy sharing and loving in a broader sense, and not giving away their Light away easily to men (through flirting, having sex too soon, or even being too available), they'll naturally attract the right man to them.

Every woman should read this book, preferably more than once to fully absorb all the wisdom.

#3: Let Love In by Debra Berndt

Like Kathryn Alice, Debra Berndt also met her soulmate late in life. For decades, she dated the wrong men and believed she was doomed to be single. Through years of self-help and hypnotherapy, she started to have breakthroughs in her belief system. From a young age, she was programmed to believe she didn't deserve love based on false information from her surroundings. Now she's able to share how to finally overcame deeply-rooted negative thinking.

What sets this book apart from the other relationship books is that there's a heavy focus on hypnotherapy. Free hypnosis MP3s can be downloaded with the purchase of this book, or she provides 16 meditation scripts that you can repeat out loud, or record yourself.

This book will help you dig to the root of your core beliefs and help lift you out of it.

#4: All the Rules by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider

What can be said about The Rules that hasn't already been said? The bottom line is that they work. For women who find it difficult to believe in their own self-worth and find themselves constantly jerked around by undeserving men, The Rules gives them the tools to create boundaries.

Doing the rules will help weed out the jerks and the time-wasters, but they can be a challenge for many girls to follow. It helps to be surrounded by like-minded Rules followers. The authors have a listing of Rules support groups on their website and there are also a few great private Facebook groups that you can request to join.

#5: The Tao of Dating by Ali Binazir

Dr. Ali Binazir is a Harvard-educated author and speaker who first received success in the relationship self-help arena with a dating book for men called The Tao of Dating for Men. After the success of that book, encouragement from female friends led him to write The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible. It was an even bigger success, rating #1 in Dating books on Amazon for 88 weeks.

Dr. Binazir's teachings help women get in touch with their feminine side and there's a fun chapter with exercises on how to do that. He also advises women how to be proactive and make a plan as to where to meet men that would interest them. Some of the lessons conflict with hard-core Rules fans, but it's definitely worth reading to gain confidence and to be in touch with your feminine essence.

Watch his inspiring Ted Talk below on female empowerment.

#6: Get the Guy by Matthew Hussey

You might have seen Matthew Hussey on TV shows such as NBC's Ready for Love, or attended one of his sold-out workshops on dating. He began his career coaching men to increase their confidence and found many of clients slyly asking about women during their sessions. After working with thousands of men, Hussey developed a pretty good idea of how the male mind works when it comes to love.

He began to teach women how to date in workshops. Word grew and he became a sensation. Get the Guy focuses on increasing confidence for women, and to have fun in dating.

Like Dr. Ali Binazir, he is also a single guy, and he also teaches women that it's okay to make the first move. Although this conflicts with The Rules or The Spiritual Rules to an extent, I like Hussey's book because he teaches women how to have fun and to get out of their comfort zone, while being a high value woman. Also, there's nothing sexier than a hot guy who understands women.

#7: Not Your Mother's Rules by Ellen Fein & Sherrie Schneider

This is a 2013 update of the authors' 90's hit The Rules (see #2). In this version, their daughters are old enough to give advice in a world where constant communication is inevitable. This book provides some new rules on how to restrict contact through social media, Skype and the like. There's even a text-back time chart for women based on their age groups! Still strict? You bet. Does it work? Of course, especially for college girls looking for more than dorm room hookups.

#8: The Soulmate Secret by Arielle Ford

Arielle Ford also found love in her 40's. It's always inspiring to read a self-help book with advice that have helped the author achieve success. Like Kathryn Alice's Love Will Find You, Arielle Ford's book helps you release your negative beliefs and provides meditations in the book, and free MP3s that you can download. If I had to choose between this book or Love Will Find You, I'd choose the latter, since Kathryn Alice have worked with more couples and have more success stories, but this book is a great accompaniment if you're looking for more advice on soulmate attraction.

#9: Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey

Funnyman Steve Harvey spent decades making people laugh, but comedians do more than crack a few good jokes. They need to understand the human psyche and observe human behaviour so their jokes ring true. Steve Harvey understands men so well that he began dispensing relationship advice to women on a radio show. The women kept coming back with questions and this book was born. It spawned a 2012 hit movie with an all-star cast.

Harvey is a happily married man who settled down with his dream girl after years of playing the field. He outlines how his wife managed to tame him in the early days, and reveals why men behave the way they do (cheat, lie, stay uncommitted). Men have even accused him of breaking a man code with his teachings!

This book does align with The Rules. Sometimes he's even stricter (like the chapter on withholding sex for 3 months), advising women to set clear boundaries with men, and how to weed out the bad guys. And of course, it's funny.

Have you read any of the books on the list? What did you think of them?

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      3 years ago

      I'm going to check out that first book you mentioned on your list, and maybe the revised "Rules," though I don't know about the original. But thanks for the information. The books look like they could give me some help.


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