ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Commitment – It’s Good for You, Him and the Kids

Updated on January 9, 2018
tamarawilhite profile image

Tamara Wilhite is a technical writer, industrial engineer, mother of 2, and a published sci-fi and horror author.

The Importance of Commitment

Commitment by two parents is why children of two, married, biological parent families thrive while blended families fail more often and single mothers regardless of income have children with worse family outcomes. About 10% of children of two married parents have problems like addiction, mental illness or teen pregnancy while 25% of never-married mothers do.

Sources of these statistics: “Strong families make successful children, not the nanny state, says study as No10 launches baby guide” UK MailOnline, 05/18/2012; “Are Both Parents Always Better Than One? Parental Conflict and Young Adult Well-Being” by Kelly Musick (Cornell University) and Ann Meier (University of Minnesota), 2008; “Children of married parents do better no matter how much money government gives single moms” by Robert Morley in “The Trumpet, 5/22/2012 )

Two adults who commit to each other for life will invest more time, attention and resources into the family than those just living together. Adults who commit by getting married are more likely to stay together while the child is growing up than those who do not marry. If you want to have children, the best thing you can do for them is commit to each other and get married.

And if this isn’t argument enough, remind him that marriage commits you to him, too, and improves his quality of life, life expectancy and lifetime earnings. (Source, “The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better off Financially” by Richard Niolon PhD, October 23, 2010)

Another consideration is the lie that half of all marriages end in divorce. Shaunti Feldhahn's studies show that the divorce rate for first marriages is closer to 30%. This means that a sizable majority of first marriages last, far more than the half we are told will end.

By assuming that the marriage's survival is a flip of a coin, you decide to leave because it seems so likely. If we knew that more than half of first marriages actually lasted, we'd have more faith in the institution and fewer fear-driven behaviors that undermine the relationship, such as having secret bank accounts and credit lines "just in case".

Shaunti Feldhahn's studies showing that most marriages do make it show that families aren't as likely to break up as stay together; therefore, those who commit to try to stay together most likely will.

Commitment means that you will work hard to work through problems instead of leaving when things get hard.
Commitment means that you will work hard to work through problems instead of leaving when things get hard. | Source

What Doesn't Count as Commitment?

Commitment does not require abandoning your family. It means that you are adding another person to your family – while you join his family. You should not enter a commitment, marital or not, with someone whose family despises you or undermines you. In a tug of war between a lover and blood, too many men fall back in line with their families because they’ve had other lovers in their lives. You’re just one more.

Commitment does not mean that you abandon your friends. You cannot expect your partner to meet all emotional needs. A boyfriend or even a husband is not a girlfriend. Most guys don’t want to gush about their feelings nor spend hours analyzing the social dynamics of a situation. You need girl friends around to empathize with, socialize with and emote with.

The line that must be drawn for women in a committed relationship is close male friends. Male sexual infidelity is emotional devastating because it is a severe breach of trust. But it may actually be one mistake. However, if he’s doing it serially with one person, it’s actually a second relationship, and you should kick him to the curb. If he’s betrayed you more than once, the same thing applies – he’s not committed, so dump him.

A woman’s emotional infidelity is more dangerous to the relationship than a man’s lone sexual indiscretion. Why? Because being with the other man and sharing with him emotionally can lead her to fall in love with him or simply fall out of love with her partner. Sharing the emotional turmoil of your committed partner with another is a kind of infidelity, and your male friend may agree with you while undermining your partner simply to be a good friend or actively criticize him in the hopes of gaining your confidence, since this so often leads to you falling into his arms.

Addiction can be described as an over-arching need for a thing, something deemed more important and potent than the people in our lives. “It’s me or the bottle.” “If you go to the racetrack one more time, I’m leaving.” Addiction impairs someone’s ability to commit because it elevates the thing – drugs, alcohol, gambling – over the people in our lives.

An addict may love you, but he cannot commit to you because he values the addiction more. The lies addicts tell to hide the addiction or circumvent a loved one’s controls erode the frail trust even more. If he is an addict, it is fair to say that you love him but cannot commit to him until he is clean, sober and sane.

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • krsharp05 profile image

    Kristi Sharp 

    6 years ago from Born in Missouri. Raised in Minnesota.

    Great hub about commitment. I'm getting ready to get married and this is perfect justification! Thanks for sharing. -K

  • Riverfish24 profile image

    Riverfish24 

    6 years ago from United States

    Very interesting hub. Great read and quite agree with what is written here.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)