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Do Not Let Disagreements Lead to Hurtful Insults
Arguments Need not be Cruel
All relationships involve arguments and disagreements now and then. It is normal even in the best relationships to have a difference of opinion from time to time. In fact, couples who never disagree are likely only keeping their feelings to themselves, instead of bringing the issue into the open and seeking a solution. The key to dealing with those times when disagreements do arise is working together to find a solution that works for both sides.
Respect Goes A Long Ways
The first thing to remember when a disagreement arises is mutual respect. 'All is fair in love and war' may sound good when you say it to your friends, but in reality it usually leads to war. Relationships are not a competition and the goal should never be to win. After all, if you win that means your partner has lost. This situation does little beyond making your loved one feel belittled.
Too often we find ourselves tempted to use whatever we can during an argument in order to gain the upper hand. When you live with someone you learn their weaknesses. It is a natural product of trust and should not be taken lightly. If your partner confided in you about a painful event from their past, do not use this information against them. You will lose the argument and their trust.
Another thing you should never use against your partner is their insecurities. If you know that your partner is insecure about the size of their nose, do not tell them that their nose must be getting in the way of them seeing the truth. It may seem this does not even need to be mentioned, but too often couples use their partners insecurity to their own advantage. You will only reinforce their insecurity and erode the trust.
Disagreements should not be loud
There are some who feel that the louder they say something, the better their point comes across. Often times, the exact opposite is true. When spoken loudly, words often sound confrontational and threatening to others. The likely reaction will be one of self defense or counter attack. Neither of which will serve to bring about a positive solution to the disagreement.
If your partner is the one raising their voice, resist the urge to shout right back at them. Simply suggest to your partner that it would be better to avoid the subject until both sides have calmed down enough to discuss the problem civilly. Shouting matches only make things worse.
Stay focused on the issue at hand
It may seem unnecessary to even say this, but all too often during a disagreement someone will bring up another issue entirely. This only expands the argument and before long there are so many issues being thrown about that neither party can remember how the whole disagreement began in the first place.
Deal with one conflict at a time. When you start fighting too over too many issues at the same time, you will soon find yourself in the middle of a war. It is then too easy to become overwhelmed mentally and emotionally. War seldom has any winners, so resolve the small conflicts before they grow into much larger issues.
Another mistake people make when having a disagreement with their significant other is bringing up arguments from the past. This serves no positive purpose, it only opens old wounds back up. Once a disagreement is settled, put it aside and move on.
When disagreements arise in your relationship, sit down with your partner and calmly discuss the issue with each other. Stay focused on the issue at hand and avoid saying things that you will regret later. Little disagreements are normal and can be easily resolved with a little effort and mutual respect.
© 2012 Christopher J Wood