Do We Need to Forgive and Forget?

A hot topic/question on HubPages recently is about forgiving/ forgetting. I’m going to answer the question, “ What is the point of forgiveness if your never able to forget?” the best way I know how- by example and some more questions to ponder.

I am an honest person who can honestly say that I have a hard time forgiving, and most importantly forgetting. Being a Christian can make it easier, but, Christians still struggle with forgiveness as well. There are a lot of horrible acts of random violence in this world. If someone hurts/ kills a loved one, for no reason at all, can you easily forgive….or even forget? You’ll never forget that loved one and it’s almost a slap in the face to tell someone who’s lost a loved one to “forget about it and move on with your life.” Everyone goes through different stages of grief, and it can be hard to not judge someone else for not forgiving/ forgetting the wrong that has been done to them and in a certain amount of time.

Ultimately, who is doing the forgiving?

Jesus died on the cross for our sins, so that whoever believes in him should not parish, but have eternal life: John 3:16. God takes the guess work out of it. If He can forgive, then why can’t we? Should we have to forgive if He already has? I was once in a relationship where the young man wanted me to repent all of my sins to him for forgiveness. My immediate response was “Are you God?” “What does it matter to you?” “If I have a relationship with the Lord, and I have repented my sins, why do I have to ask you for forgiveness?” I’m sure all he wanted was to have an open, honest relationship without any skeletons in the closet, but I was a little taken back by his desire to “forgive” me for all my wrongs that occurred during times when I did not even know him.

How many times do we forgive the same person for doing the same thing?

Since forgiveness is a conscious choice, I’m not going to decide that for everyone. You do need to consider if the person asks for forgiveness and if they are willing to change. An apology and a promise to change lacks integrity when the same sin is committed time and again. I honestly don’t believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins so that we can all go around killing, asking for forgiveness, and then killing again. That’s not the message that God sends. We all make mistakes; some small in comparison to others, but one thing is true. Whether we believe in a higher power or not, we, as a society need to live the most productive, fulfilling life as possible. We shouldn’t expect that we can do whatever we want, hurt innocent people with no consequences, and expect that people will forgive and forget time and again. We all need to be as contributing to society as possible, acknowledge our mistakes, learn from them, and prevent them from happening again.

Forgiveness is a conscience effort to make sense of what has happened to you. You may blame God, you may even want to forgive Him for “letting this happen.” I believe it is sometimes easier to forgive the person, but you can’t forget the horrible act that was committed. Forgiveness can be beneficial to one’s health; no one wants to be bitter and resentful. The main point of forgiveness is not for you to forget about what happened, but for you to know that forgiveness (or the lack thereof) is not going to change the events that happened- it won’t bring back your loved one. Forgiveness will bring you a certain peace into your life that you won’t feel if you can’t forgive…..but don’t worry, you don’t need to ever forget.