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Do You Grumble About Being an Orderly? Here Are Seven Guaranteed Ways for Termination

Updated on September 2, 2019
kenneth avery profile image

Kenneth is a rural citizen of Hamilton, Ala., and has begun to observe life and certain things and people helping him to write about them.

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The Real Definition of an Orderly

in healthcare, orderlies (also known as a ward assistant, nurse assistant or healthcare assistant) is a hospital attendant whose job consists of helping medical and nursing staff with various nursing and medical interventions. The highest role facing an orderly is that of an operations assistant. An operations assistant requires people of a higher level of education to be knowledgeable in advanced medical terminology and assisting with specialist surgery set ups, typically an operations assistant understands more about surgical procedures than that of a registered nurse working outside of theatres. An operations assistant is more of a direct assistant to consultant level doctors than that of nurses.These duties are classified as routine tasks involving no risk for the patient.

To me, this definition of an orderly not only sounds or appears very serious, but IS very serious. I happen to be close to this Orderly Position because in the late 1960’s, some of my family members had to have medical help and while I was visiting them in their room, some of the nicest guys (and girls) would come by and check my family member to see how they were doing and they wrote the results on a clipboard, smiled a genuine smile and walked away.

Before I get to the “meat” of this piece, here are the qualifications of an orderly: it's possible to become an orderly with a high school diploma. Once hired, orderlies receive on-the-job training. Some employers may also require orderlies to have certification in basic life support so that they are capable of performing cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR). Some people who are interested in becoming an orderly always ask, how much does an orderly make? The answer is (at some hospital institutions) the starting hourly-rate is $13.07 per hour. Not bad

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Then Once More Time I

had to visit with my grandpa when he had to be admitted to the local hospital for medical attention. I had sat in the chair near bed for so long that my legs had “went asleep,” so I quietly walked into the hallway to get my legs awake. Then at the back of the hallway, I saw two guys that I knew well. They both were in their late 50’s and with a little reconnaissance (asking about my family members who knew these guys) and come to find out that their main duty was sneaking into the parking lot where their cars were parked and inside one of the cars sat a plastic jug of home-brew which the two orderlies would take several drinks as the night shift (they worked on) wore on. As I passed them, they were smoking cigarettes, and this was in the time when smoking was okay in hospitals, but the aroma of home-brew was on their breath and clothes, and big smiles were on their faces.

At the young age that I was then, I confess at dreaming to have a good job like these two, but that one area of drinking in the parking lot was what turned me off, so I started dreaming about being a DJ for some FM radio station is some big city. Interesting. Both dreams went up in smoke.

So if any of you guys or girls are right now working as a hospital orderly, then just wait. I want ask you one question: Do You Grumble About Being an Orderly? Here Are Seven Guaranteed Ways For Termination.

I sincerely-hope that you will NOT follow these tips on how to get canned. No. You did not read it here.

7.) Appearance Makes All The Difference – between a great orderly and a non-caring orderly. So if you want your supervisors to put you on report, just show-up for work with mustard and catsup stains on your white uniform and wear sandals instead of your hospital shoes. Believe me. This one tip may not get your fired right away, but your termination papers will be started sooner than you think.

6.) Communication Among You, Your Patients and Doctors – have to be concise, clear, and easily-understood. So on your next shift, head to the employee break room, get a cup of coffee, a few cheeseburgers and just sit there hour after hour. Do not go to your regular work station. In a few minutes, the Senior Nursing Coordinator will visit you and ask you (in a cold nature) just what are you trying to do? You hesitate. Chew more burger and answer in such a way that she cannot understand you. By doing this, your Orderly Position is getting nearer and nearer to being history.

5.) Sexual Harassment in 2019 is a Very Sensitive Issue – so if you really want to be fired, just start making lude remarks to every woman, nurse or patient. But do not look like you are being funny. Ask those very personal questions—one being, would you (a woman patient) like to head to Europe when you get out of here? Count on harsh, threatening words coming from the woman’s husband who is sitting near the woman’s bed. Now you laugh. But tell the husband that he cannot touch you because he will be arrested for assault. But he can file a serious complaint against you and within hours, you will be selling used cars for a living. Unless you start bellyaching about this job.

4.) At Your Lunch Break, Head to Your Car – in the hospital parking lot and then “hit the hay.” And I mean go right to deep sleep. REM to be sure. So what if the hospital administrator and security bosses find you sleeping in your car? If these bosses ask what do you think that you are doing, grin, and reply, oops! I thought that I was doing a serious surgery this afternoon, and please, call me, “Doctor Sponge.”

3.) Make Sure That Your Bosses are looking, then fill your pockets with anything that belongs to the hospital—pens, sticky pads, white-out, paper clips, wash cloths, disposable socks, the change that the nurses give to buy sodas, yes, even that. Then just walk away. Yes, they will surely remark that they did not know that you were a thief. Grin and continue walking.

2.) As You Walk Down a Hallway – and find a patient about 45, rolling in a wheelchair, then get behind him and start running like a distance runner and be singing “America, Land of The Free,” and run until you are hit with a taser and a stun gun that the local police use on you when the nurses called to complain about you.

1.) This One is a Sure-Fire Winner – when it is pay-day, get in line for your check, but when the person who hands out the checks, you grab them as fast as you can and tell them that these checks are for your cousin, and as you get a few more, tell the guy that you have a serious gambling debt and certain people will want to see you on that night.

And do not be shocked when you are called to the office of the administrator who will tell you the reason(s) why you, a five-year employee suddenly began to be a pure troublemaker. Then you grin, laugh like Burt Lancaster, and walk to your car and go home.

Simple as that. (But I am not responsible for you being sued.)

September 2, 2019___________________________________________________

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© 2019 Kenneth Avery

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