Do You Hate that You Love to Hate Love?
"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Alfred Lord
Or so he says...
I believe I can safely say that most of us use this famous quote and want desperately for it to reflect our truth. However, unrequited love, at least in my opinion, is the strongest feeling of loss. Loss of faith, loss of motivation, loss of sense of purpose, loss of self and most importantly loss of mental sanity. Sometimes faking it until you make it just isn't enough when it comes to matters of a broken heart.
Have you ever been in love so deeply that your entire world seems surreal? So blinded by the brilliant light of another that you completely lose sight of yourself and your path altogether? I know I have. It really sucks; but in a deliciously, aggravating and satisfying way. Call me masochistic but I thoroughly enjoy a good heart shattering love affair. It is fun, stressful (in a healthy way, if you allow it to be), exciting and you are re-born with every time the pieces are put back together. It is important to remember that our bodies regenerate. When our hearts break, it just gives us more pieces to give out; during the regeneration process our hearts come back together, not only whole but bigger and stronger than ever before.
I firmly believe that we all harbor a secret fetish. We hate that we love to hate love. How many times have you said after the end of an unhealthy relationship, “I hate love, ain't nobody got time for that”; you were done with men / women forever? My answer to that question: More times than I care to remember; however somehow I always manage to pick up the pieces of my heart, put them in my purse, get my “fuck em” dress on and put one foot in front of the other. I do this for survival, in order to continue down my path. I have become so accustomed to this process that I hardly notice when the puzzle of my heart has been put back together. Until... BAM! There I am again, holding the purse strings of my heart after trusting it in the hands of another; all the while having given small pieces of that break to others I meet along my journey.
It is an eternal loop. Although we may find that “special someone” on our path, the one that makes our whole hearts pound or our shattered pieces vibrate; the one we chose to commit ourselves or broken selves to, fully, there will always be heart break within the relationship. The beauty comes from not only putting the pieces of your broken heart back together but from making the relationship whole again; falling in love again, and again, and again. Coming back together with a stronger ferocity every time. My advice from the experience of unrequited love; to hell with the “woe is me” attitude! Jump on that love roller coaster, learn to enjoy the stomach turning, nauseating and dizzying feeling of being tossed and turned around by romance. It can be an adrenaline rush or an anxiety attack; the choice is yours but the ride never stops.