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Do You Hate that You Love to Hate Love?
"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Alfred Lord
Or so he says...
I believe I can safely say that most of us use this famous quote and want desperately for it to reflect our truth. However, unrequited love, at least in my opinion, is the strongest feeling of loss. Loss of faith, loss of motivation, loss of sense of purpose, loss of self and most importantly loss of mental sanity. Sometimes faking it until you make it just isn't enough when it comes to matters of a broken heart.
Have you ever been in love so deeply that your entire world seems surreal? So blinded by the brilliant light of another that you completely lose sight of yourself and your path altogether? I know I have. It really sucks; but in a deliciously, aggravating and satisfying way. Call me masochistic but I thoroughly enjoy a good heart shattering love affair. It is fun, stressful (in a healthy way, if you allow it to be), exciting and you are re-born with every time the pieces are put back together. It is important to remember that our bodies regenerate. When our hearts break, it just gives us more pieces to give out; during the regeneration process our hearts come back together, not only whole but bigger and stronger than ever before.
I firmly believe that we all harbor a secret fetish. We hate that we love to hate love. How many times have you said after the end of an unhealthy relationship, “I hate love, ain't nobody got time for that”; you were done with men / women forever? My answer to that question: More times than I care to remember; however somehow I always manage to pick up the pieces of my heart, put them in my purse, get my “fuck em” dress on and put one foot in front of the other. I do this for survival, in order to continue down my path. I have become so accustomed to this process that I hardly notice when the puzzle of my heart has been put back together. Until... BAM! There I am again, holding the purse strings of my heart after trusting it in the hands of another; all the while having given small pieces of that break to others I meet along my journey.
It is an eternal loop. Although we may find that “special someone” on our path, the one that makes our whole hearts pound or our shattered pieces vibrate; the one we chose to commit ourselves or broken selves to, fully, there will always be heart break within the relationship. The beauty comes from not only putting the pieces of your broken heart back together but from making the relationship whole again; falling in love again, and again, and again. Coming back together with a stronger ferocity every time. My advice from the experience of unrequited love; to hell with the “woe is me” attitude! Jump on that love roller coaster, learn to enjoy the stomach turning, nauseating and dizzying feeling of being tossed and turned around by romance. It can be an adrenaline rush or an anxiety attack; the choice is yours but the ride never stops.
Cheyzies-
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Comments
This is a very interesting hub... and it addresses our most basic need, which is Love ; which of course is merely acceptance...
Well thought out!!!
I get where you're coming from.
Some people love to live life flying by the seat of their pants. They enjoy being a passenger in their own lives and want to see (where life will "take them") or they subscribe to the: "If it's meant to be it will be" philosophy.
However I also believe there are people who do know what they want and make it a point to attempt to (avoid) things they don't. They hate learning via trial & error such espoused with the adage "follow your heart".
Those people choose to ignore "red flags" or are unclear about their wants and needs. This makes love "messy".
Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart.
The older we get and more relationship experiences we have the less love becomes "messy". We have no interest in riding the roller coaster of emotions that lead to drama filled nights and power struggles.
People say relationships are hard work but the real hard work is finding the "right person" for oneself.
The goal becomes to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another. Compatibility trumps compromise!
"True love will never fit into some manufactured box of limitations."
Actually it's (your) wants and needs that determine who (you) choose. Some people seek out challenges over experiencing harmony.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on. The choice is up to us!
When people get into their 40's and beyond they realize "true love" isn't messy at all. In fact if the relationship is messy it just means you've chosen the "wrong person" to be your mate.
Love isn't something that just "happens to people". We have to say "yes" an awful lot of times to build a relationship. We say (yes) to exchanging contact information, yes to going out, yes to kissing or kissing back, yes to going out again, yes to having sex, yes to spending more time together, yes to becoming "exclusive", yes to moving in together...etc
Hollywood movies and romance novels have convinced us that finding love "happens" by accident or coincidence and "one thing led to another".
Everyone has a "type" they either find attractive or are repulsed by.
That is the initial foundation of (their) manufactured box of limitations. No one says "yes" to everyone. With age and experience we learn to analyze why we said yes when we should have said no.
When it comes to love and relationships most of us (fail our way) to success. If this weren't true we'd all be married to our high school sweethearts! Figure out who we are and what we want/need is key.
What you considered to be an "ideal mate" at age 17 may not cut it for you at age 25, 35, or beyond. That's just how life goes.
We evolve over time regarding our wants and needs.
Thanks for reading and thank you for the feedback... I agree with you (to an extent) however the point I am making is that there is a thin line between love and hate; sometimes you want to strangle your lover with that line (or at least I do). As we are all equal parts of the opposing make-up, I believe one can not exist without the other... we are both light and dark, good and evil, beautiful and ugly, loving and hating, etc and so on... the point is the struggle in learning to recognize that we actually love those times of expressed hate in our mate selection because it is never about the right or wrong choice, person, place, time etc. We are in exactly the right place at exactly the right time, learning everything we are supposed to be learning. We can set all the boundaries, rules, criteria, etc on any given relationship however I believe people call each other in because there is something we are deeply needing to learn from the experiences shared with that person. True love will never fit into some manufactured box of limitations. Love is only reasonable when it is completely unreasonable.
If someone says they hate to love what they're really saying is they hate loving people who don't love them back.
Everyone loves being in love. What they hate is being disappointed, having their heart broken, being insecure, and jealous.
If someone is experiencing having one bad relationship after another it's probably time they should reexamine their "mate selection criteria".
The only thing all of your bad relationships have in common is (you).
Each of us (chooses our own) friends, lovers, and spouse.
Essentially these people who {hate love} have given up on trusting (themselves) to choose "the right person" for themselves.