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Do You Really Want Your Ex Back?

Updated on October 15, 2009

Why Would You Want Your Ex Back?

When someone stomps on your heart, why would you want them back? Or, were you the one that stomped on their heart? Either way, pain is pain, and surviving a traumatic break up is difficult. So troublesome that sometimes it can seem that being in a bad relationship is better having no relationship. Difficult enough to let your mind play tricks on you, and actually believe 'maybe it wasn't that bad, really.

Wanting your ex back is a vicious circle. It's a love-hate merry-go-round. You need to revisit the reason why the affair, marriage, or friendship fell apart. Was the relationship a matter of convenience or an enriched significant experience? Did the relationship provide luxurious material things and exciting weekend trips and getaways? Was the sex invigorating or only average at best? Were you treated badly, abused, or were you treated with respect and equality?

It's important to examine each reason about why it fell apart, and just how badly you were hurt, or how severely you hurt the other person. Sometimes a broken heart can be damaged beyond repair; there are limitations. Even though there are things you miss about the other person, are those things worth chancing the same outcome?

If you do get back with your ex, most likely the first few weeks, even months, will be absolutely joyous and sensational. The passionate flames will seem to burn brighter than ever before. But, the when a hint of doubt enters into the picture, would you or could trust and carry on steadfastly?

Doubt, anxiety or jealousy can eat you alive! And, even if they are unfounded – this time, would you be able to shake it off and believe the relationship is strong and healthy? Believe me, you need to be prepared, because WILL remember how violated, ashamed, mistreated, and degraded this person made you feel.

Did the relationship break up because of family involvement, or did your partner dislike certain members of your family? Did you originate from different cultures, religions, or ideals? Don't doubt the saying that 'blood is thicker than water.' Family bonds are strong and deep, and you need to tread lightly. Demanding family alienation will guarantee problems. Avoiding the others blood-ties is only a way to ignore, or be in denial about problems that need to be faced and worked out. Sooner or later, denying yourself or partner to interact with family will backfire and explode in your face. Your partner might begin to feel anger or a sense of loss, and this can lead to yet another disastrous break up.

Open and honest communication is key. And, don't even think that everything you will hear is going to be sugar-coated. Many times the truth hurts, but it needs to be respected. Knowing the truth is better than false pretenses, promises, or lies. Disagreements can hurt, but so can honesty. You did want to re-open the wounds and build a stronger relationship, one that will be truthful and open, right? If you can't accept or offer truisms and progress from there, perhaps you would be wide to re-think this whole thing.

My grandmother once told me that a relationship is like a piece of fine china. If it gets broken you might be able to mend it, but it will be very fragile and can break more easily than before.

Putting a relationship back together is one thing, but keeping it together is a horse of a different color.


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