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Do you think an Affair just Happens?

Updated on May 24, 2018
DDE profile image

Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing is a big part of her life. Online work has improved her lifestyle.

Infidelity and faithfulness

The many cheating couples, have lame excuses when it comes to having an affair.

· ''They don't know how their relationship got to the point of an affair it just happened.''

It is sad to know that such cheaters can think of those lines, and feel guilt about their actions.

To have an affair, you got to have a plan in motion, it does not just happen out of the blue.

An affair is well-planned out before any action is taken.

You can meet people from any part of the world, and once you choose to step over the boundaries you are having that affair.

Don't be surprised at yourself. It is all you, and not someone else who is taking action.

You got to choose the next step to improve the situation.

Off-course you were thinking of having an affair, but not without you contemplating on the consequences.

You don't just find yourself in the arms of another by some kind of magic state of mind.

When you spend too much time with a colleague you tend to lose track of reality and fix your mind on what is right in front of you.

· For example:

If your co-worker is right by your side daily, you can grow closer, and start to share personal experiences, and conversations.

In these ways emotions can go deeper, until one day you have had enough of talking, and figured out it is time to move on from that stage.

The tension builds up, and before you know it, the affair had already taken charge.

It is not easy to trust yourself. Being alone with opposite sex the emotions can come alive, and the tension can grow higher, or uncontrollable.

The need to talk to someone can lead to many surprises.

You make mistakes and can find out yourself but in an awkward position.

An evening out, can change everything from what you are expecting and just that happens.

When you choose to have too many alcoholic drinks, one thing can lead to another, and the next day you blame the alcohol for your wrong doing.

Marriages go bad when there is a lack of attention love, respect or communication. Whatever ruins a good marriage it can allow you to have an affair.

The need to get away from that nagging wife, or unhappy marriage, makes you seek the other as part of your life.

The kind of relationship that is all sweet in the beginning can end badly. Every relationship begins that way.

When you get into your comfortable zone this happens all over again.

· So what does an unhappy marriage do to you?

· Do you think unhappy marriages causes infidelity?

No, an unhappy marriage does not cause infidelity.

When you are unfaithful to your partner then you are causing that unwanted infidelity.

· When partners feel dead inside for the first time in their marriages they choose to have an affair and say, '' The affair just happened.''

An individual who thinks an affair just happened is the one who failed to see their real actions.

Many individuals believe that an affair does not happen on its own. Only the person involved in this behavior believes it.

If you cheating on your partner, it is your choice, and there should be no excuses. You put yourself in that situation.

· Why get married if you are going to have an affair?

With such behavior it is hard to control one's actions.

You make a commitment, and then one day realize you can't go on anymore with the same partner.

Most people don't think twice about having an affair they work toward that accomplishment.

Cheaters look for a sense of value from others, if not from their current partners. Cheaters feel the need to look for security.

Both partners are wrong in such cases, though it is what they have chosen to do.

You have set up to meet each other, and acted on your feelings which led to the infidelity.

It can be tormenting for cheaters who take an affair lightly.

A cheater should be responsible for their actions.

Marriages fall apart all the time. The many divorces have shown the results. You trust your best friend with your husband or wife.

At the end of the day something can brew-up.

This can be without you even noticing that something had happened.

In most situations you fail to see the other side of the other person.

You don't think it will happen to you!

What lays ahead you will never know, and what develops from a friendship is more than what you will ever think of.

· Your open mind lets it go too easily.

Innocent people get caught up in affairs and they say an affair just happens.

In reality that is so not how it all happens.

Don't go out with someone you know will cause your good relationship to go down.

· For example:

You don’t pay attention to your husband's needs and he is constantly with women you think ''they are just friends,'' and their ''conversations'' are just ''general conversations.''

When one of the women asks your man out on a date, that can make you feel quite shocked.

She wanted to have an affair with him.

· Now you see how an affair begins.

The friendly touch improves, and you never know what would be next.

Just keep your eyes open and hear every word in conversation thoroughly to know more.

An affair happens when you make that decision.

It is an opportunity taken that had presented itself.

It is your personal choice.

People who stay in a bad marriage or the unhappy marriage to keep their commitment can't get out immediately.

Their own feelings are kept within; mostly the issue is about love, neglect, money and lack of interest.

· What would you be without a commitment?

Couples married for over thirty years, and have four children, now adults.

The couple has been swingers or has had an open marriage for many years.

They have given each other full consent to have other partners, however, they chose to do that.

In the arrangement they have increased their partners, and have become friends with many more partners.

Most people won't go for the idea of open marriages.

It works for preventing the affair that just happens.

Open marriages don't always work out for most couples.

· How often have you heard ''I never meant for this to happen,'' or ''It is not what it looks like?''

Sometimes individuals don't believe they can actually get themselves in such situations. It is called self-justifying instead of apologizing.

· When does an affair happen?

When a partner is taken for granted an affair slowly creeps up.

Partners who take their significant other for granted, or who would go to great lengths to find another to satisfy their needs.

It can be from cooking for them, or to the bed department.

The empty feeling is being filled by another with laughs and romantic touches.

Cheaters can claim they did not have the attention, love, or devotion from their partners including, admiration, or respect.

· Why does the affair happen?

The partner who wants out of the marriage uses the excuse as betrayal to get out.

The individual has already thought of an affair, and feels the divorce request will work out perfectly to get them out of a commitment.

If they stay in a troubled marriage surely they would cheat in any way.

It works before you have the affair. You admit you would betray someone if you don't leave right away.

Cheating does not fix relationships; instead it does the exact opposite.

Cheating destroys relationships and marriages,, and keeps you telling lies continuously.

· An example of a cheater.

A woman has claimed to have had an affair while dealing with major Depression.

The problem here, her husband did not pay attention to her health issues.

Basically, she was isolated and had neglected her life.

There were lots of hang ups, like her personal life was falling apart in her marriage. The problem the husband did not give her a chance to fix things between them.

· He would look at her and say, ‘get a life woman because I won't be coming to you anymore.'

The struggle was enormous.

She did just that, and found a friend to make her husband happy.

After all, this time she finally felt worthy of herself. A friend made her feel good about herself.

He lifted her out of her depression mode, and her close connection to this guy had developed into more than just a friendship

The woman however, knew she could not pursue the relationship. It would be wrong of her to go on seeing him. She chose not to.

· Do you think this was her fault?

The woman feels she was completely unfaithful to her husband.

The friendship of another man would have not had to come into her life.

She coped with major depression without the help for her husband; instead she chose to deal with her depression with another stranger.

· Cheating can happen to anyone but only if the individual allows cheating to happen.

An Affair Should not be an Excuse

Cheating in Relationships

Unhappy Marriages

When Does an Affair Happen?

See results

© 2014 Devika Primić


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    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Au fait, An incredible response from you on this title. Will power is not everybody's strength to pass over such thoughts. Control is also weak in certain individual's minds. Thank you for sharing such an interesting view.

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 

      2 years ago from North Texas

      Infidelity is not a good answer to any marital issue and only adds more problems to the mix. Marriage counseling is the best answer and it does the most good to save a marriage when engaged in at the first suggestion of problems. The famous Dr. John Gottman believes most people wait too long before seeking intervention through counseling and that by the time counseling is attempted it is often too late to save the marriage -- when counseling is sought at all.

      It is my humble opinion that when people agree to marry they should also put in place a strategy for avoiding or managing anything that may in future threaten the relationship/marriage. That way there are no surprises and no excuses for floundering around trying to decide what to do, no wrestling with feelings that should not be allowed to continue. People who have planned what they will do when confronted with possible infidelities are far more likely to recognize and avoid them.

      Yes, affairs can happen by accident when one has not thought through what they will do in such an event and allows themselves to be wishy washy and take foolish unnecessary risks. It is a matter of disciplining oneself and the best way to do that is before anything happens so that if and when it does, one will already have a plan of action and not have to be wishy washy while deciding what to do, all the time being influenced by feelings that should be nipped in the bud the moment they present.

      No, in my viewpoint not having a plan is not a good reason or even a good excuse for following through on what even a wishy washy person must know is wrong. Having a plan on exactly how one will handle a forbidden opportunity, however, can make the going much smoother and strengthen a marriage.

      Marriage, relationships, and sex education were my main courses of study in psychology when at the university. One can control his/her sexual appetite and one can control his/her feelings if one so chooses. Lust often passes for love when experienced through undisciplined thoughts and ideas and if allowed to do so, will destroy a marriage and a family. Everyone has it within their power to prevent this from happening. It always requires will power, but it can be done.

      Very thought provoking subject as I can always count on you to provide. :)

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      SANJAY LAKHANPAL Well-mentioned thank you

    • SANJAY LAKHANPAL profile image

      Sanjay Sharma 

      2 years ago from Mandi (HP) India

      You are absolutely right. I completely agree with you. An affair is deliberately cultivated just for the sake of it.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      mr-veg thank you once again for stopping by at my hubs all my best to you.

    • mr-veg profile image


      4 years ago from Colorado United States

      Nice article Devika... the thing is there are number of excuses to having an affair but neither of them holds good. I totally agree with your points laid out here loud and clear... good work !

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi kenneth avery, thank you kindly for stopping by at my hubs I appreciate you taking the time to comment here

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Dear DDE,

      Hi. Thank you and I understand about time not always being on your side.

      And your presence in my hubs and your notes are highly-loved and appreciated by yours truly.


    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello kenneth I try to stop by at your hubs but time is not always on my side your presence is kindly appreciated thank you for all votes.

    • kenneth avery profile image

      Kenneth Avery 

      4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

      Hey, DDE,

      You are so good to read and comment on my hubs, I thought that I would surprise you and read more of your works. I loved this hub. Every word, syllable.

      This would make a great play for community theater, "Do-it-Yourself Affair," might be a pliable name.

      But I voted Up and all the way, DDE.

      Thank you for being such a great friend and follower, plus sharing your natural talent with HP.



    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      mylindaelliott thank you very much fro sharing your thoughts here

    • mylindaelliott profile image


      4 years ago from Louisiana

      I agree they don't just happen. There is more to it than that.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      rdsparrowriter ''Damage in the heart is hard to recover.'' well said thank you for stopping by I appreciate your time and effort.

    • rdsparrowriter profile image


      4 years ago

      I don't know much about real affairs and marriage much except for what I have seen and heard. As far as I understood is that it's simply because of attraction and having trouble controlling one's emotions which is lack of self control. It's up to each individual to move forward with it or away from it married or unmarried. Trust is hard to gain, it's easier to lose. Damage in the heart is hard to recover. Interesting topic.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      FlourishAnyway so true and often this is misunderstood. thank you.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image


      4 years ago from USA

      Affairs don't just happen. They are the result of choices large and small.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      midget38 thank you

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 

      4 years ago from Lagos

      well first i'd say I LOVE WENDY!

      back-to-the-story, i believe cheating is a global 'mishap' very much avoidable. there are many reasons why people cheat which is not justifiable. The breakdown of a marriage starts with a puncture in the communication channel. However, that is not reason enough to cheat. Cheating is not a mistake as some say but a calculated emotional response to lack of affection, love and inability to fulfill emotional needs.

      Each time i watch the reality TV show CHEATERS hosted by Greco, i shudder because of human insincerity. Even some when caught on camera will blatantly deny the act. so so sad!

      thumbs up for this telling piece.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 

      4 years ago from Singapore

      You are right. It's just poor decision making!

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Jackie thank you

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 

      4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      A marriage always needs work to prevent affairs or divorce but it takes two always to have a chance.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Shyron thank you for sharing your thoughts here so kind of you to come by all the my best wishes.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi D.A.L. thank you for the vote up, useful and interesting it is Dale said it all.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Dale I am impressed by your interesting comment and you have made such valid reasons and as you say ''Human nature heh, what's it all about then???'' Hmm definitely something more to think about about us. Thank you very much fro sharing your mind here. Regards DDE.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi kidscraft thank you for sharing your continuous comments

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      4 years ago from Texas

      Devika, things happen, and people change, and not always him, not always her, who plays the cheating game.

      I know it is harder for a woman to cheat, most often she is left to tend the children and the home and he is free to roam. And a Tomcat who is roaming will always find another kitty and he usually (not always) thinks his wife will never know.

      There is her story, his story and then there is the truth of who is cheating who and why. And it is not always a love story sometimes it is a Lust story.

      But you story if very interesting.

    • D.A.L. profile image


      4 years ago from Lancashire north west England

      My thoughts are decidedly with- Inspired to write {Dale}, whom puts most of my thoughts in his comments. Another thought provoking work which has inspired many comments and accolades, which are well deserved. Voted up,interesting and useful.

    • Inspired to write profile image

      Dale J Ovenstone 

      4 years ago from Wales UK

      Hi there DDE interesting article, as always.

      Affairs are because of:

      We are human animals & as nature intended, are automatically 'attracted to the opposite sex,' (or the same, if gay) that is why one is in a relationship in the first place, because they 'love the opposite sex.'

      Now it is only down to the cheater as to why he/she DECIDES to cheat on their partner. And has to do with 'personal reasons (both in mind, & in relationship-& there could be many as to why one would take such disloyal action.)'

      Cheating can be because of 'neglect,' 'or revenge,' or looking for that 'missing sexual attention' in which their current partner has now neglected. Maybe the cheating partner needs to 'see if she/he has still got what it takes to be fancied' by another (outside of their marriage.)

      Some folk are automatically loyal to others (the majority in relationships) & some are not so.In other words, loyal folk have a sincere conscience about doing such a dastardly deed behind their partners back, because they feel-do not do what you would not like done to you.

      Some may have cheated with a past partner, but has never considered even contemplating cheating on their current partner. (A strange reason to consider, for sure.)

      Temptation is not an excuse at all. A marriage commitment has vows, and both parties agree before they tie the knot. And in a way, so is boyfriend-girlfriend material (built on trust, honesty & loyalty-to check compatibility, for future growth together.)

      Unfortunately, as human we are forever changing our outlook, and especially, our tastes in life, and people and get this...

      That darling partner they once knew HAS CHANGED SO MUCH since they were together.

      Human nature heh, what's it all about then???

      Take care DDE, & keep writing amazing articles.

      Many regards. Dale

    • kidscrafts profile image


      4 years ago from Ottawa, Canada

      I think that affairs do not just happens; as individuals, we each have a choice to go for it or not and there are consequences when we chose to go for it.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi MsDora thank you very much or stopping by

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Ericdierker affairs don't just happen I hope so too thank you for commeting

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Ericdierker affairs don't just happen I hope so too thank you for commeting

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      4 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Good job Devika. I hope this hub helps someone who needs it.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      4 years ago from The Caribbean

      Devika, you're right that nothing just happens. Affairs happen for different reasons, but they are all unavoidable. You raise some good questions.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      billybuc so kind of you to comment on my hubs thank you very much

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Interesting subject and you covered it well. Affairs do not just happen in a vacuum....they grow over time.


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