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Do you ever really ‘get over’ someone?

Updated on June 10, 2013

Going through a break up can be extremely painful. Dr. Phil (well known TV personality and psychologist) compares a break-up to that of a death stating that one needs to allow themselves to grieve in order to move on.

Many feel like they will never be able to love again after the ending of a relationship while numerous friends and family members turn to comforting them with words such as ‘you’ll get over him’ or ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea. You’ll forget all about her soon enough”.

The question is, is it possible to ever completely get over someone?

Relationships differ

There are:

  • ‘Flings’ where you may be with one person for a few weeks (or even days) before moving on to the next
  • The friends with benefits relationship where you may not be officially dating or at all monogamous (sometimes a deeper connection is formed then with a fling due to many reasons)
  • The long distance relationship where you may not see each other often but still be involved
  • The serious relationship where you're dating for a few months but are monogamous
  • The long term relationship where you’re together for a long period of time

The first few relationship types (flings, friends with benefits and the long distance relationship) may be easier to move past in comparison to the last couple of relationship types (the serious relationship and the long term relationship).

The main focus here will be on the last couple of relationship types with regards to whether or not you can actually get over someone.

The term ‘getting over someone’ as a notion is debatable

The above term is often used interchangeably with forgetting about a particular person but is this at all possible?

The truth is that after a valuable relationship has ended your feelings for that person don’t just go away.

You found something attractive in that person when you started dating; whether it was their cute smile, their sense of humor or their personality. These thoughts and emotions don’t just disappear and you’re always going to feel this way.

If you don’t see the person ever again (depending on how long you were together and how much time you spent together) there are still going to be a lot of things that might remind you of, and cause you to think about him/her.

Compliments of Adrienne Kayla Taylor
Compliments of Adrienne Kayla Taylor | Source

How do you move on?

The way forward and probably the action people often confuse ‘getting over’ or ‘forgetting’ with, is accepting the situation and the ending of the relationship.

Once you have come to terms with the fact that you will no longer be with your ex and that the relationship has come to an end indefinitely, then only can you move on.

As previously mentioned the feelings will never completely go away but you will open yourself up to love again (eventually).

When you move on you don’t completely forget about the other person because that’s not physically possible. You merely come to terms with the ending of the relationship and move forward in aim of something better.

After a break-up

For many people the hope that they will one day be ‘over’ that one person they care so much about is what keeps them going after a break-up. It’s what gives them hope that there are plenty others just like him/her out there and that the break up means nothing. When it becomes evident that those feelings will never completely go away life can become unbearable unless you accept the fact that the relationship is over and that although you still have feelings for the other person you need to move on.

The feelings may fade as time goes by and you may accept the circumstances but the fact is you will never completely be ‘over’ your ex.


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    • Jade89 profile image

      Jade Monique Taylor 4 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa

      That is one of the hardest things to deal with - having a relationship end when it's something you both didn't want. Have you thought about Long distance dating? I know that it can be extremely hard but sometimes it's better than losing your love all together.

      Regardless of whether you try it or not, have faith that everything happens for a reason and that no matter the situation right now, if you're meant to be together, in the end you will be - whether it's 1 year from now or 10.

      Thank you for commenting!

    • profile image

      Niki 4 years ago

      I feel pretty broken for life. Its awful knowing there is nothing I can do to get him back. Even though I did nothing wrong and he was so in love until he moved. Anyway thanks for the article.

    • Jade89 profile image

      Jade Monique Taylor 5 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa

      Thanks for the comment Kayla.

      So many of us have been there before. I don't think there's one person who hasn't at least once in their lifetime.

    • Jade89 profile image

      Jade Monique Taylor 5 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa

      Thanks so much for your comment Daxian. I really love your theory on breakups and emotions lol. It's really interesting and a really uplifting way of looking at things.

      I'm glad we agree with regards to the fact that certain relationships were just not meant to work out and that everyone can go on with their lives and heal.

    • profile image

      Kayla Herring 5 years ago

      i know how that is .

    • profile image

      daxian 5 years ago

      Jade this is a deep article and what you said is key. Some relationships just aren't meant to be. I believe those feelings do go away eventually. Feelings and emotions can be very deceitful. Emotions will have you hold on to someone you know is no good for you just for the sake of not being lonely. I look at relationships like this....and I hope this doesn't sound cruel but here's my theory on breakups and emotions....You will even miss a DOG, if you have spent a considerable amount of time around that dog and then the dog runs away. That's why I don't get caught up in the emotion of "missing someone" anymore. Anything and anyone can be "missed" but you eventually move on and get over it. Relationships are like a bus. If you miss one, there will be another one coming along the same route in about 15 minutes. lol

    • Jade89 profile image

      Jade Monique Taylor 5 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa

      Thanks for the comment Tom!

      I'm really glad you were able to get over that feeling. So many of us have experienced at least once in our lifetime.

      I think it's important to take the expression to heart (no matter how cliché and over-rated it actually is) - It's not you it's me. It really never is you!

      Sometimes relationships just aren't meant to be. We need to learn that in order to be strong enough to move on easier.

    • profile image

      Tom 5 years ago

      Great article

      For me the major hurdle was getting over the feeling that "if this person no longer want's me then I must be worthless". It wasn't until I got past that feeling that I was in a position to meet someone new.

    • Jade89 profile image

      Jade Monique Taylor 6 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa

      Epigramman, Thanks tons for your kind words :)

      I will definitely check out your friends work. Look forward to doing so.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 6 years ago your purpose of writing my friend - it is both enlightening and educational - your words could grace any magazine as a paid gig online or newstand in magazines like Cosmopolitan or a daily column in a newspaper - yes I have loved too .....and we often do take those people into life with us - as they sometimes remain in our minds and hearts forever ..... please check out my buddy CARDISA -if you can - she is a great lady, a buddy of mine and esteemed colleague - and she writes about the affairs of the heart too.

      lake erie time ontario canada 8:00pm

    • Jade89 profile image

      Jade Monique Taylor 6 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa

      Thanks a lot Nixxy! Hope you enjoyed reading the article :)

    • profile image

      nixxy 6 years ago

      wow the pix u hav up r absolutely gorgeous!!!!!!!

    • Jade89 profile image

      Jade Monique Taylor 6 years ago from Johannesburg - South Africa

      Thanks a lot Paul. I know that almost all of us have been through really hard break-ups. It's something that we all experience at least once in our lifetimes.

    • Paul Kuehn profile image

      Paul Richard Kuehn 6 years ago from Udorn City, Thailand

      Very well said. I can identify with everything you have said.