- Gender and Relationships
Do You Feel A Sense Of Relief Now That He's Gone?
Break-ups suck, pure and simple. However, once the tears have been wiped, your heart has time to heal and you can breathe a normal breath again, sometimes there is a huge feeling of relief...
You no longer have to worry about what he's "really" thinking or why he's stopped being as present in the relationship as he once was before. You don't have to wonder why he chooses to consistently spend time doing other things versus spending time with you. You don't have to wonder what his mood will be like or if he will text or call. No more stressing about where you rank in in his life—although it's obvious since you are no longer together. You don't have to wonder why he consistently answers the phone when you're with him, but when you are apart he chooses not to pick up. No more wondering why he sounds emotionally distant on the phone and why conversations have become so straining that you want to pull your teeth out. You don't have to worry why sex has become such a last minute thought with him or the idea of him touching you does nothing for you sexually. And lastly (although I'm sure there are so many more), you don't have to "hold days" or your entire weekend in hopes to see him, although he never did this for you. Whew!
Literally, there are men that can suck up your energy and spirit by not communicating—therefore creating distance and a disconnection between you. There are other guys that cause so much anxiety when you feel you can't even go out with your girlfriends or live your life without being questioned. When these men are gone, it can give you a major sense of relief. Like you have just dropped a heavy chair you were carrying on your back for miles.
You may not feel this sense of relief right away, depending on the relationship you had, and how much of an emotional roller-coaster ride you went through. However, once you have had a substantial amount of time away from him, without hearing his voice or seeing his face, you will notice that your spirit will feel much lighter. You will sleep better and you will have more focus when it comes to your job or career. And sometimes, you end up losing weight—without trying. It's crazy what an unhealthy, stressful relationship can do to your body.
I dated a guy that caused my brain so much anxiety and my body extra stress trying to understand why his personality and actions changed so dramatically towards me after a few months of seeing his Prince Charming side. Unfortunately, he wasn't willing and frankly mature enough to communicate anything, except for telling me that everything between up was great—even though it was apparent that it was not. No woman in their right mind enjoys playing the guessing game of what they might have said or did to turn a guy off. Spending time stressing and wondering about what went wrong becomes exhausting.
This guy also went from being very consistent in his actions, to very inconsistent. One minute he was calling and texting several times throughout the day, and making plans in advance to see me. The next minute—as our relationship progressed, I would be lucky if I even heard from him once during the day or sometimes several days would go by and no word from him. And, if that wasn't making me feel ever-so special, he also stopped planning ahead to see me. What girl doesn’t enjoy feeling as if she is going backwards in a relationship? Seriously!
His actions were wearing me out emotionally. It was no longer enjoyable to be with him. He wasn't making an effort. Instead of being open and honest, he was dragging our relationship down a slow treacherous slope that I was feeling every inch of. No fun.
There is a moment when you have to be honest with yourself and know when enough is enough. If a guy can't talk to you so that you can work on mending the relationship and making it stronger, then it will continue to go downhill. Communication is important for any relationship to be successful and without it; distance is created as well any hope of a lasting connection. The guy I dated continued to create this disconnect with me by refusing to communicate.
The day I ended things, I was sad. There were many qualities that I did appreciate about him; however, lack of communication was not one of them. My heart was broken. I cried. After a many days went by there was this overwhelming sense of relief. I started sleeping better. When I would walk, it felt as though I was floating on air. My brain felt less pressure and more clarity, and my spirit felt a sense of joy. I started to feel like the old me—before being sucked into my ex’s emotional games. I had returned to my own life again, and it felt fantastic!
Ladies, when you can learn to let go of racking your brain about all the things you think you could have or should have done differently to have possibly kept a guy, and just immerse in the quietness of your life without him....you will notice that it feels amazing. Take time to notice how differently your breath is and how light your steps are when you walk. Notice the tone difference in your voice and how relaxed your brain and body feels. I'm not saying that there won't be moments that you miss him, or that you will not think about him, however, there is a big difference between the routine and companionship versus Him you’re actually missing. Listen to your body.
Bottom line, if he was really who you were missing—there wouldn't have been so many complications to have caused you to break-up in the first place. So, take a deep breath and enjoy that he's gone....because now you've made room in your life, for meeting the right guy.
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