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Tips for True Love: EHarmony, Chemistry and Other Dating Sites , Do They Really Work?

Updated on January 19, 2013

Matchmaker Matchmaker Make Me A MATCH!

This is what it has come to. Yes, we have finally arrived full circle in the world of dating. The most modern and sophisticated adults have turned back the hands of time so-to-speak. The age old tradition of hiring matchmakers to assist hopeful singles make that first move. These sites help our modern bachelors and bachelorettes reach out for companionship and love. In fact eHarmony has a handy little IPhone app that places possible matches at your finger tips anytime, anyplace. They also have 20% of the dating market as well as over 250 million in revenues (1) and advertise sophisticated personality tests, including the length of ones fingers, all designed to provide detailed information to match the personality types of potential daters.

Is this a good thing? The answer is Yes and at times, no.

The benefits for single adults are clear. Learning basic information about an individual prior to meeting can help to narrow potential problems before they begin. Rather than spending several dates together developing heart strings and ties (2) only to find later “we are definitely not suited for each other”. In these cases someone may leave the dating process badly bruised and hurting.

Another benefit involves the crucial musts of life. Rather than learning simple information such as favorite food or vacation preferences, the ‘musts’ are standards we live by. An individual who wants to build their lives together with someone who shares the same Christian values, child rearing beliefs, or political views can clearly wave the banner(s) they live under. If you do not agree with the beliefs of a potential match, simply point and click them all away.


Just Two Date Nut Buns


However, there can be problems with this system such as the loss of spontaneity and faith.

Many happily married couples can attest to the fact that personal beliefs, desires, and wants have changed over the years. It was the addition of a caring boyfriend/girlfriend turned loving husband/wife which helped them see a side of things they would never have chosen for themselves. Things changed only after experiencing life  with a friend or loved one whose unique point of view introduced them to new ways of thinking and being. This can help an individual grow and even make positive changes in their own lives. Imagine a world where we only connect with those who have personalities just like our own, boring, limiting, and stifling.

Click, click, clicking away potential mates or friends that do not have the eye color or ethnicity we envisioned. Click, click, clicking away those who have a few hundred dollars less than we expect a mate to have; not considering their potential to grow and prosper. Click, click, clicking away someone who has a ‘bubbly’ personality because we believe happiness can only be found with staunch conservative types such as ourselves… bah-humbug!

A few suggested ways one might increase spontaneity and diversity in meeting

  • While online, try broadening the acceptable matches by leaving the ‘body types’, ‘ethnicity’, or even the ‘annual salary’ free from prejudged choices; however, remain consistent on the 'musts' you base your personal code of ethics on.
  • Join a local church singles groups, and or other neighboring groups that hold similar values and beliefs. Yes, this requires face time, and leaving the iridescent laptop flame we have become so accustomed to.
  • Take 10 to 15 minutes of SAFE TALK time over a secure phone before deciding. Always paying extra care and attention to protect your safety, identity, and reputation. Secure phones are available through some prepaid cellular services or online phone accounts that DO NOT connected with your own personal private information. Also make certain to listen to what is said, but also how it is said, for out of the heart the mouth speak(3)

Which leads to the most important consideration…

  • Consider spiritual aspects over generic personality types. The ‘spirit’ and heart of an individual drives their character, ethics, and values they live by. While personality can be put on like a new jacket, adapting our smiles and words to whatever we want to appear to be; the spirit of an individual cannot hide the truth easily or for very long(4)

Match making services are certainly a necessity for many youthful professionals in today’s bustling world. Very few individuals desire to find their potential mates in dark happy hour lounges or night clubs any more. It appears the bright laptop computer screen and a monthly subscriptions to one of the three major dating sites can be safer and more discrete; however it is important to consider what we just may give up… diversity, spontaneity, and old fashion "getting to know you… getting to know all about you..." first, then clicking delete if it’s not a match.



(2) Proverbs 4:25;

(3) Matthew 12:34;




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    • steffsings profile image

      steffsings 7 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

      @leslie_espinola: Hello and thank you for your comments. I look forward to reading your upcoming hub on this topic.

      I agree with "overhyped" ~ Fortunately(?) OFFline/real world introduction/dating are probably more successful and widely used. I would love to be a part of research that covers more than the generic 'was this a good experience for you?'

      Instead, any effects on self esteem? reputation? increase/decrease in other meaningful relationships (if at all)?...

      Thanks again for stopping by, do come again...

    • leslie_espinola profile image

      leslie_espinola 7 years ago

      I liked your article, but I think the leading dating sites are quite overhyped. For my age group, Okcupid is a great little free site that resembles facebook more than it does eharmony with its endless tests and slightly uptight regulations. A lot of the members are also members of the big 3 and they 9 times out of 10 say they have more luck and enjoy the company of the people that make up okcupid. I'm considering writing a hub about this myself!

    • steffsings profile image

      steffsings 7 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

      WannaB Writer: Thank you for your wisdom & insight! It is wonderful to hear the truth that "cultural differences" do affect relationship ~ sometimes making things very challenging ~ but 48years gives us all hope!

    • WannaB Writer profile image

      Barbara Radisavljevic 7 years ago from Templeton, CA

      I'm glad I no longer have to deal with this issue. I met my husband when we both lived in the dorm at UCLA 48 years ago. We are different in many ways, since he was born in another culture. Sometimes those cultural differences have made for a rough road, but we have come through the rough places because our basic values are the same.