ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Does His Ego Need Fluffer's?

Updated on October 26, 2015
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Some men need to know—constantly—that they are attractive, important, liked, and funny, as well as that women still desire them. The bigger the ego the greater the need for this type of reassurance. Men who need to be consistently reassured will usually keep an entourage of people in their life who enjoy fluffing their egos. Wonderful.

Fluffer’s for this guy can be filled with both men and women—making sure that his ego is fully filled from as many people as possible, however, for most men they will usually surround themselves with an abundance of women.

The women that this man will keep in his life love, love, love to fluff his ego. Depending if this guy is single or not, these women might be "just friends"—and I say this lightly because their actions are sometimes questionable, or they are part of a multiple group of women that this guy is dating or sleeping with. Frankly, it can be hard at times to clearly tell the difference—even if you are exclusively dating him.

Dating a guy who needs so much attention from other women can be frustrating, especially since they love to stroke his ego so immensely that you can't help but wonder if that is the only thing being stroked by them. Hmmm??

You would think that the attention that you give him would be enough, but it isn't—and not for lack of trying. This guy's ego needs to be doted on all the time, from as many people (again mostly women) who are willing to. And yes, watching this obnoxious scene becomes annoying (and disrespectful)—very quickly—especially when your dates are mostly in groups settings—you, him and his entourage of women. Yay!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that men shouldn't have women friends. Knowing that a guy has a lot of friends—both sexes—is an attractive quality. People like him and that is a great thing. Right? So, you justify the fact that having an abundance of friends—even if they're mostly women—is better than having no friends. That goes away rather quickly when you see how important these "friends" are, not in his life but for his ego. Being around his entourage he will act like he's the most important person in the room—often forgetting about you. Also you can't ignore the obvious flirting that is happening right in front of your eyes.

These women have no problem throwing themselves at him—fawning over him, complimenting him and giggling at his jokes (which usually aren't that funny). His pack of women will also have lots of physical contact—hugging him a great deal, touching his arm, hand, leg, back and kissing his cheek every time they see him—regardless if you are dating him or in a serious relationship. Anyone on the outside looking in would definitely think that he is single by the way he carries on with these women. Yikes!

Here's the thing, it's already hard enough to compete with a man's job, children, his guy friends, or extra activities (golfing, biking, football, etc.) that he might also be involved with, let alone an entourage of women that he needs to keep around to fluff his ego. What makes dating a guy like this even more difficult is that he does not see any issue surrounding himself with so many women even when he has chosen to be in a relationship.

The issue isn't that he has a lot of women friends, it's the fact that they don't understand boundaries because he doesn't feel the need to make any.

When a guy needs his ego constantly fluffed, putting up boundaries means that the attention he is getting could potentially lesson which does not work for him (his ego). He can't possibly think of receiving less attention. And, if you have any issues with him hanging out with his lady friends, you become the insecure women in his eyes. Really?!

Here's the thing, I one hundred percent feel that when you are in a relationship you should create time to hang out with your friends separately as well as plan group outings with your significant other. However, these group activities shouldn't consume the majority of the time you see each other. To fully established and develop a deeper connection, one-on-one time is essential.

A guy should want to spend time with you, without his friends always being around.

My friend dated a guy who had a hard time being alone with her. He needed to be around his friends all the time. Every time they would make plans that she assumed was going to be just the two of them he would invite all his "close" friends—which happened to be mostly women. The only time his "group" of friends wasn't around is when she would suggest dinner and/or a movie at her place—which was like pulling teeth for him to do. She would sit there on their dates watching this guy she was in a relationship with be doted on by other women. They would giggle and hang on to his every word as if he was sharing something so important that they couldn't possibly look away. His love for needing to have attention over-ruled the relationship he had with my friend.

The final straw with this guy was when they planned what she thought was a romantic getaway together that ended up being a romantic getaway with not only the same entourage of women but also several of his guy friends. Seriously!?

This guy needed so much reassurance that he was important and liked that he couldn't even take a trip alone with his girlfriend.

Ladies, if a guy's need for having his ego fluffed becomes more important than you, it is time to re-evaluate if he is the guy for you long term. Everyone needs self-assurance every once in a while (including you) so if you are never getting quality time in your relationship it's not worth sparing his ego anymore. Walk away and let someone else deal with his ridiculous need for attention. You deserve to be with someone who wants you to feel important and adored. Enough of the fluff.

P.S. If you enjoy my writing, please help me become more known by clicking on the links above—Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, and following me here on HubPages. I appreciate it! Sending you light and love! ;)


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image


      5 years ago

      Very interesting article.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      5 years ago from Chicago

      "Some men need to know—constantly—that they are attractive, important, liked, and funny, as well as that women still desire them."

      "The issue isn't that he has a lot of women friends, it's the fact that they don't understand boundaries because he doesn't feel the need to make any." - Both statements are very true!

      I believe just about everyone wants to (feel) attractive and desirable even if they are in a relationship. Deep down few people want to feel "lucky" they have someone or if that relationship ended they couldn't have someone else (if) they wanted. In the words of Beyoncé's "Irreplaceable"

      "I could have another you in a minute. In fact he'll be here in a minute".

      Women sing along with that lyric as an "empowering statement".

      The reality is men also want to feel like they have those options as well. Most women can get dressed up and go to any nightclub and expect to be "hit on" at least once if not more during the course of a night.

      While men would love to have women hit on them most rarely if ever experience that. I suspect it is one of the underlying reasons some guys enjoy watching pornography and going to strip clubs.

      They get to have the (illusion or fantasy) of being around women who openly make it known they crave/desire men. In reality the only guys who get to have a female entourage typically are rich/successful, famous, celebrities/athletes, or extremely good looking.

      Deep down most men have fantasized about walking into a room and turning women's heads or having them come onto to them just as many women have the same desire to be seen as the light in a room.

      Having said that I don't think most guys are who have lots of female friends are aware it's a ego need of theirs unless someone points it out to them.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)