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Does His Ego Need Fluffer's?

Updated on October 26, 2015
Miss-Adventures profile image

My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Some men need to know—constantly—that they are attractive, important, liked, and funny, as well as that women still desire them. The bigger the ego the greater the need for this type of reassurance. Men who need to be consistently reassured will usually keep an entourage of people in their life who enjoy fluffing their egos. Wonderful.

Fluffer’s for this guy can be filled with both men and women—making sure that his ego is fully filled from as many people as possible, however, for most men they will usually surround themselves with an abundance of women.

The women that this man will keep in his life love, love, love to fluff his ego. Depending if this guy is single or not, these women might be "just friends"—and I say this lightly because their actions are sometimes questionable, or they are part of a multiple group of women that this guy is dating or sleeping with. Frankly, it can be hard at times to clearly tell the difference—even if you are exclusively dating him.

Dating a guy who needs so much attention from other women can be frustrating, especially since they love to stroke his ego so immensely that you can't help but wonder if that is the only thing being stroked by them. Hmmm??

You would think that the attention that you give him would be enough, but it isn't—and not for lack of trying. This guy's ego needs to be doted on all the time, from as many people (again mostly women) who are willing to. And yes, watching this obnoxious scene becomes annoying (and disrespectful)—very quickly—especially when your dates are mostly in groups settings—you, him and his entourage of women. Yay!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that men shouldn't have women friends. Knowing that a guy has a lot of friends—both sexes—is an attractive quality. People like him and that is a great thing. Right? So, you justify the fact that having an abundance of friends—even if they're mostly women—is better than having no friends. That goes away rather quickly when you see how important these "friends" are, not in his life but for his ego. Being around his entourage he will act like he's the most important person in the room—often forgetting about you. Also you can't ignore the obvious flirting that is happening right in front of your eyes.

These women have no problem throwing themselves at him—fawning over him, complimenting him and giggling at his jokes (which usually aren't that funny). His pack of women will also have lots of physical contact—hugging him a great deal, touching his arm, hand, leg, back and kissing his cheek every time they see him—regardless if you are dating him or in a serious relationship. Anyone on the outside looking in would definitely think that he is single by the way he carries on with these women. Yikes!

Here's the thing, it's already hard enough to compete with a man's job, children, his guy friends, or extra activities (golfing, biking, football, etc.) that he might also be involved with, let alone an entourage of women that he needs to keep around to fluff his ego. What makes dating a guy like this even more difficult is that he does not see any issue surrounding himself with so many women even when he has chosen to be in a relationship.

The issue isn't that he has a lot of women friends, it's the fact that they don't understand boundaries because he doesn't feel the need to make any.

When a guy needs his ego constantly fluffed, putting up boundaries means that the attention he is getting could potentially lesson which does not work for him (his ego). He can't possibly think of receiving less attention. And, if you have any issues with him hanging out with his lady friends, you become the insecure women in his eyes. Really?!

Here's the thing, I one hundred percent feel that when you are in a relationship you should create time to hang out with your friends separately as well as plan group outings with your significant other. However, these group activities shouldn't consume the majority of the time you see each other. To fully established and develop a deeper connection, one-on-one time is essential.

A guy should want to spend time with you, without his friends always being around.

My friend dated a guy who had a hard time being alone with her. He needed to be around his friends all the time. Every time they would make plans that she assumed was going to be just the two of them he would invite all his "close" friends—which happened to be mostly women. The only time his "group" of friends wasn't around is when she would suggest dinner and/or a movie at her place—which was like pulling teeth for him to do. She would sit there on their dates watching this guy she was in a relationship with be doted on by other women. They would giggle and hang on to his every word as if he was sharing something so important that they couldn't possibly look away. His love for needing to have attention over-ruled the relationship he had with my friend.

The final straw with this guy was when they planned what she thought was a romantic getaway together that ended up being a romantic getaway with not only the same entourage of women but also several of his guy friends. Seriously!?

This guy needed so much reassurance that he was important and liked that he couldn't even take a trip alone with his girlfriend.

Ladies, if a guy's need for having his ego fluffed becomes more important than you, it is time to re-evaluate if he is the guy for you long term. Everyone needs self-assurance every once in a while (including you) so if you are never getting quality time in your relationship it's not worth sparing his ego anymore. Walk away and let someone else deal with his ridiculous need for attention. You deserve to be with someone who wants you to feel important and adored. Enough of the fluff.

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 19 months ago

      "Some men need to know—constantly—that they are attractive, important, liked, and funny, as well as that women still desire them."

      "The issue isn't that he has a lot of women friends, it's the fact that they don't understand boundaries because he doesn't feel the need to make any." - Both statements are very true!

      I believe just about everyone wants to (feel) attractive and desirable even if they are in a relationship. Deep down few people want to feel "lucky" they have someone or if that relationship ended they couldn't have someone else (if) they wanted. In the words of Beyoncé's "Irreplaceable"

      "I could have another you in a minute. In fact he'll be here in a minute".

      Women sing along with that lyric as an "empowering statement".

      The reality is men also want to feel like they have those options as well. Most women can get dressed up and go to any nightclub and expect to be "hit on" at least once if not more during the course of a night.

      While men would love to have women hit on them most rarely if ever experience that. I suspect it is one of the underlying reasons some guys enjoy watching pornography and going to strip clubs.

      They get to have the (illusion or fantasy) of being around women who openly make it known they crave/desire men. In reality the only guys who get to have a female entourage typically are rich/successful, famous, celebrities/athletes, or extremely good looking.

      Deep down most men have fantasized about walking into a room and turning women's heads or having them come onto to them just as many women have the same desire to be seen as the light in a room.

      Having said that I don't think most guys are who have lots of female friends are aware it's a ego need of theirs unless someone points it out to them.

    • profile image

      MaryRB 19 months ago

      Very interesting article.

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