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Tips on How to Approach A Shy Girl

Updated on July 8, 2014

When it comes to guys, I am extremely, extremely shy. In fact, when I like a guy, they probably think the opposite is true because I tend to do the whole avoidance thing (and as you've guessed, no, that type of behavior hasn't gotten me anywhere).

Us shy girls are a special breed and need to be pursued with care. If you like a girl who seems to be a bit on the shy side, here are a few tips on approaching her.

  • Say hi (...but in person)!

My biggest pet peeve when it comes to guys is when they want to "approach" me first by doing so on social media sites. I feel like this should be done after some initial "real life contact" has been made. If you see a girl you are attracted to and would like to get to know better, start off small by trying to catch her eye to just smile or say hi. If she looks away or doesn't respond, don't get discouraged, just try again next time. A shy girl might not think you're actually interested and want to say hi to her, which is why she might not keep eye contact with you. In fact, she might be surprised. If you do it again (and again), she might start to think 'hey, he is noticing me.'

  • Make conversation with her.

After you're starting to get some response from her, try to make some conversation. Shy girls need you to be the initiator (and will probably need you to be for a while). Don't be nervous because that will make her feel more nervous and the situation will become even more awkward. I understand that it's hard to try to make a conversation with someone you don't know, but think about your circumstances. Where do you see her? Is it at school, at work, the gym, around the neighborhood? Make a conversation that has to do with the surrounding(s) you're seeing her in. For example, if she's in your class at school, talk to her about school. If she's wearing a band shirt, talk to her about music. Even if she responds with few words, and doesn't ask anything back, it's okay. Remember, she's shy. Just try again. The more you talk to her, the more she will warm up to you. Trust me.

  • Move on to a social media connection.

After you've talked to her a little bit here and there, I feel like it's okay to then try and contact her on social media sites. She probably won't think you're totally creepy since you're someone she has already spoken to and seen (although it would probably help if you guys had mutual friends). I know that it's so much easier to talk to people through Facebook or an instant message. She will also probably have more to say. The next time you see her, you might have even more things to discuss! Just don't be overbearing or too forward; don't ask her anything about her relationship status as of yet. Aside from social media, if you want to take the plunge and ask her for her phone number, even better. For example, if she's someone from school, you can have the excuse to want her number in case you miss class or need notes.

  • Ask her to hang out.

If you want to hang out with her, try to do so in a group first. Ask her to come along with you and a group of your friends somewhere and tell her she can bring some of her friends too. She will probably feel more comfortable. If she declines, try asking her one more time on a different occasion (but wait a little while). If she still declines, try steps 2 and 3 for a little longer. She might feel a little bit pressured to hang out if she feels like she does not know you well enough, even if it's in a group setting.

  • Ask her on a date.

Just the word "date" can make a shy girl nervous (but that all truly depends on the person). If she does accept the invitation to hang out, see how it goes. Talk to her, make her laugh. See how responsive she is to you and if she's warming up to you (you will definitely know if she is). If you're ready to take the plunge, ask her if she wants to hang out with you. Don't say it's a date; there will be no pressure. Do something fun; go bowling or to an arcade. There will be more interacting and less of the feel of 'OMG, I need to impress.' If that all goes well, then you should consider yourself one lucky man who more than likely scored a date with his crush.

Best of Luck!

Those are a few of my tips in trying to approach and form a friendship (and an eventual relationship) with a shy girl. Remember, it might take some more time and you need to be patient, especially if you really like the girl. Once you have a shy girl's trust and she feels comfortable around you, you'll basically have her for life (so don't screw it up!). Personally, this is the ideal situation of how I'd want a guy to act with me. Hopefully some of this advice will work for you! Good luck!

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