- Gender and Relationships
Does Your Life Revolve Around Him?
Many women get into the unhealthy habit of planning their schedule, and frankly a large part of their lives, around a man.
Most of us have been guilty of this. Many more women have that annoying friend (or two) who can't possibly make plans with their friends until she has figured out when she is seeing her boyfriend. Oh, and if you do make plans with her, she will easily cancel if her boyfriend or the guy she is dating decides he wants to see her on the day that you have pre-scheduled with her.
Women who will wait around for a guy to decide when he will make time for her, are only forming bad habits for herself and for him.
Don't you value yourself enough to want a guy who will take the time to plan ahead for when he is going to see you? I'm not saying last minute planning isn't going to occur once in a while, however, if he continues to make last minute plans, why should you cancel your plans? You shouldn’t.
You shouldn't cancel your plans for him unless.....
1. He has been in an accident
2. Someone close to him has died and he needs your emotional support
3. He's been out of the county or state and was able to fly in briefly to see you before flying out again
4. He's a CIA agent and you only ever have limited time to spend with him
5. He's in the military and he was able to come home on an unexpected leave
6. He received tickets for a sporting event last minute that he wants to take you to
7. A close friend or family member surprised him with a visit and he wants you to meet them
8. An unexpected work dinner has come up and wants you to join him
9. He's been out of town for a long period of time (work, vacation, sabbatical) and came home early to surprise you
***even if you break plans with your friends for any of the above reasons, these reasons shouldn't continue to come up again and again, if they do....he's being inconsiderate of your life.
If a guy doesn't have his crap together or respect or care about you enough to schedule quality time with you, this is a Big Red Flag. You shouldn't have to wait around for a guy to plan when he is going to see you—especially last minute. Often times, what can happen when you "save days" hoping to see him, you turn around to find out that he has already made plans with his friends, family or to go to some sporting event. None of these things he has thought of including or inviting you to. Wonderful.
I have a friend that continually schedules her life (other than when she's at work) around a guy. If you call her to schedule "girl" time her answer, "I need to wait and see when I am seeing _____ (name of whatever boyfriend or guys she is seeing)." Many times, she ends up not seeing the guy because he has already made other plans with his friends. There have also been many occasions when she will make plans, however the second the guy she is dating is free she will call and ask to reschedule with me. Very annoying since usually when she calls to reschedule its last minute.
There is a huge difference between discussing with your significant other what your week looks like and which days you are available versus keeping your entire week open. When you take time to plans what day or possibly two that will work for both of you to see one another, not only does this give you something to look forward to, you can also find time for things you want/need to do.
Knowing when you are seeing a guy, versus sitting around waiting with the assumption that you will see him—are two different feelings. One feels great and the other makes you feel anxious. Yikes! And, not making other plans for "just in case" will eventually make you annoyed.
When your social life with your friends starts to completely cease due to a guy—who isn't even panning around you, that's when you definitely need to start reevaluating your choices. Making time for a guy should never make you feel unappreciated, secondary or unimportant. Your relationship should not be one-sided when planning time together.
There's another woman I know who will disappear out of her friends lives when she is in a relationship. She is either consumed with being with him or waiting around to hopefully see him again—having very little contact (if at all) with her friends during this time. You can always tell when she is in a relationship because she will vanish out of your life, but, will reappear when she is having an issue with a guy. She plans her entire life around a guy to the point where it is borderline unhealthy. Even if the guy she is dating is out with his friends, she will wait around "just in case" he wants to see her when he's done hanging out with his friends. She is too readily available to him and in no means does he do the same for her.
There needs to be a healthy balance when you are planning time when to see a guy. I've said this many, many times—if a guy can plan time with his friends, working out, running errands, watching sports and eating, but he has a hard time planning things with you....he's just not that into you. Sorry, but it's true—and I know this from experience.
I was one of those women who would not plan anything on the weekends because I wanted to make sure my schedule was open to see the guy I was dating. Well, he was not doing the same for me. In fact, he would continually make plans to do everything else and see everyone else, but me. Never once in the beginning of the week would he discuss scheduling a day over the weekend to see one another.
When I would mention that I wanted to see him, he would never tell me right away that he already had plans—making me think that he also wanted to see me. It was a rude awaking when every weekend I was sitting around waiting for him to hopefully make time for me—but, he didn't. The only time that he would miraculously make time for me was when his plans got broken or changed. After almost a month of planning around him, I started planning around myself—which involved no time for him. Not only was this guy not worth my time, I let him waste my time. Ugh!
Ladies, if you are dating a guy who seems to have a hard time scheduling time with you in advance, then try offering him a day or two that you are free. Stick with those days and don't get into the habit of altering those days to enable him to fit you in. As you get closer to the days you have planned ahead to get together and he still hasn't confirmed, schedule something else. Work hard at not waiting around or breaking plans with your girlfriends for any guy.
Bottom-line, friends will be in your life forever—as long as they don't feel like they are being used to fill your time only when you are single. Men, can tend to come and go—until you find the right one, so work hard to keep your friendships strong. Remember, the right guy will value you and your time. He will also make an effort to plan you into his schedule as well as his life.
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