ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Domestic Abuse : Everyone Always ask the Same Question

Updated on March 16, 2017

Why Do They Stay?

Why Do They Stay? A piece written by Hilzoy on Obsidian (Hilzoy, 2009). It is a well written visceral look into the reality of the cycle of domestic abuse. Most people rack their brains trying to understand why someone would consider settling into a relationship with a monster without an understanding of the systematic breakdown of psychological coping mechanisms involved in the vicious cycle.

I’ll never forget the moment I saw Farrah Fawcett in the movie The Burning Bed (1984). From what I remember her abuse started either right around the honeymoon are shortly thereafter.

Men wait until they have a hold over you, which makes it more difficult to contemplate leaving. They also choose victims that are vulnerable, and when the abuse starts, it blindsides them. The article noted how “profoundly shocking and disorienting” this can be. There is a misconception according to (Hilzoy, 2009) that all victims have low self-esteem, which could not be further from the truth. Domestic violence can happen to anyone, and the surprise element is often what the perpetrator goes for when the abuse starts.

I remember something similar happening to me with a guy I dated for a short period. Looking back, I now realize all the signs were there. The head over heels start to the relationship tricked me into thinking it was real, “they are often things like he falls for you too hard and too fast, or he wants to be with you all the time” (Hilzoy, 2009). He wanted to move in immediately. Personally, the first time I saw the ‘crazy’ in his eyes, we had just taken an eight hour drive out of town to visit his sister. I felt absolutely trapped. He had already sold his condo and moved all his things into my place. The obsession was there but initially misinterpreted for a romantic whirlwind. The confusion was present, wondering how it was possible to misjudge someone so completely, the heartfelt apology, feeling like the rug had just been pulled out from underneath me.

Fortunately, it did not rise to the level of physical, and I immediately started plotting my way out as soon as we returned to town, but it was not as easy as one may think. I felt overwhelmingly disorientated by the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine, and later found out he was bipolar which explained a lot but certainly was no excuse. My point is that I agree with this article and one can never be too careful. It was an enlightening, eye-opening experience and one well learned from; I now look carefully and stay far away from those infamous, red flags.


When Will it Stop


Greenwald, R. (Director). (1984). The burning bed [Motion picture]. United States: MGM.

Hilzoy. (2009, April 10). Obsidian Wings: Why Do They Stay? Retrieved from


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)