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Domestic violence must be stopped. The Hell of living in a violently abusive relationship

Updated on April 22, 2015


Beware of an abusive relationship.

Domestic disharmony as a forerunner to violence.

Having children in the house won’t stop the domestic violence.

Domestic violence makes marriage a "living Hell".

A victim of domestic violence speaks out.

Home life can be Hell sometimes.

This was caused by a hammer.
This was caused by a hammer.
An electric iron can be a cruelly deadly weapon
An electric iron can be a cruelly deadly weapon

Beware of an abusive relationship.

Quivering in the corner is not the solution. I have to do something, if not for myself, at least for the children who shouldn’t have to hear me screaming in the evenings after another violent attack. There must be some way out.

The pain in my left eye, where the scalding water, was thrown is excruciating. My fingers, the ones that got broken when the hammer was brought down on them with the maniacal strength that my "life Partner" possesses during a frenzy period, are starting to swell to twice their natural size. I say natural rather than normal, for this is not the first time that they have been broken. I won’t be able to use that hand for some time.

I feel so useless and defeated. I pray to God, if he exists, to take me out of this nightmare situation.

Domestic disharmony as a forerunner to violence.

Things were not always like this. Oh no, when we first met everything was sweetness and light. The small attentions and the compliments that were showered on me in the early days really did convince me that I had met my soul mate, the one person that I could spend the rest of my life with. I had a difficult upbringing, with a father that was seldom at home, as he was in the merchant marine, and a mother who was probably not as faithful a wife as she should have been. We children had to listen to the sounds of lovemaking coming from the big master bedroom, and know that it wasn’t "our Daddy with our Mummy".

When our father did come home, most of the time seemed to be spent arguing, although I don’t think he ever found out about the lovers. He may have had a "girl in every port" himself.

Anyway, with this background, it was easy for me to fall head over heels in love when I started to get treated as special. There were some warning signs that I should have noticed. The most obvious one was the almost obsessive jealousy if I got chatted up by any other person, and there were sometimes massive sulks, if I wanted to go for a night out with colleagues from work.

Rather than being made wary by such demonstrations, I took them as reassuring signs that I was loved. I could still remember the loose nature of my parents’ relationship, and I felt good that that was not what I had.

After three months we decided to get married. Money was not a problem. I had been left a house by my grandmother, who doted on me. I was the only one of us working, but there was no mortgage to pay, so that seemed to be not a problem.

Having children in the house won't stop the domestic violence.

About a year after we were married the children came along. Twins; a boy and a girl. I loved them from their first second of life. If truth be told, the love that I felt for those babies and their need for my love that I could sense every day, strengthened me to deal with the problems, that were starting to become more apparent in the marriage.

There had been some outbursts before the birth of the children. The exact time that it should take me to get home from work had been calculated. If I were five minutes late there would be an inquisition. I would be accused of seeing someone else. There were some pictures on my "Facebook" taken at some work outing.

"These are the people you are putting ahead of me" was the complaint.

I began dreading if there was a transport problem. I knew that my evening would be one of unalloyed nagging then.

It was when the twins were around a year old that the violence started. I think things were leading up to an explosion from when I had gone back to work after the birth.

The jealous outbursts were becoming more frequent. I once had the newspaper snatched from my grasp, and thrown out the front window. I was accused of looking at dating ads.

Several times cups would be thrown at the wall, or plates smashed on the floor. Once some hot cooking oil was thrown all over my best clothes.

"That will stop you shagging around" I was told.

The first time I was assaulted was on a Friday Evening. There had been a signal failure on the trains and I was about forty minutes late in getting home. I had the usual sinking feeling as I approached the house. I put my key in the lock, and opened the door. Before I got to the living room all hell broke loose. The crockery was flying again, but this time, not to the walls or the floor. A plate hit me just above the eye. Before I could properly react, I was hit with an iron, wielded with full force. The blood coursed down my face.

The verbal abuse was as bad as anything I had heard before.

I won’t repeat it all here; but I was accused of sleeping around, and told I was a "useless piece of shit", and more of the same.

Upstairs the babies started crying.

I didn’t need to go to the hospital this time. The cuts and bruises, although they looked awful, were not so bad as to need medical attention.

Of course there was plenty of crying afterwards.

"I'm sorry"

"You know that I love you"

"I hate myself when I hurt you"

"I can change".

This is the kind of thing that was said and because, on a certain level, I was still in love, I believed.

I felt that we could put the problems behind us, and move into the perfect relationship, that would be so much better than the one I saw my own parents put up with.

Domestic violence makes marriage a "living Hell".

I was wrong. Things have got steadily worse since. I try to pretend at work that the bruises and cuts are accidental.

It is too shaming for me to admit that my perfect marriage is a "living Hell".

Twice I have had my fingers broken. Once, when I was asleep, I woke to find my fingers being crushed in an electric nutcracker. The second time was today. I was doing washing up at the sink, when I was sneaked up on from behind, and a lump hammer was brought down with full force on my left hand. Three fingers were broken. The pain is agonising. Why does it always have to be those sneak attacks?

That is why I am sitting quivering in a corner. The twins, who are toddlers now, are at the top of the stairs. They are in so much shock that they are not even crying.

Oh God above, how can I get the three of us out of this living hell?

The police are not always known for their understanding in my situation.

My wife is gone out for a while.

Lord God. Please give me the resolution to be gone, with the children, before she returns.

If you are affected by the issues in this story, or if you need to find out more, visit this website.

Violence against men in the home

While the above account is fictional, it does represent a true picture of what happens in homes throughout the world. Over thirty per cent of violent incidents within the home involve attacks on the male partner by the female. The police are often less than sympathetic to the victims. The result of this is that a large proportion of such crimes are unreported. This is not a situation that should be allowed to stand.

Violence and bullying of any sort is despicable. It should never be allowed to happen.

A victim of domestic violence speaks out.


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    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      6 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      Thanks for those really kind comments nemanjaboskov. I really appreciate them.

    • nemanjaboskov profile image

      Nemanja Boškov 

      6 years ago from Serbia

      A very clever use of the passive voice, Chris :)

      You managed to make me feel the pain, the frustration and the fear, and I really applaud you for creating such a work of art!

      You are truly a great writer and a human being with a big heart.

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      Hi sligobay.

      I,m glad things are OK for you now.

      Please God, they stay that way.

    • sligobay profile image


      7 years ago from east of the equator

      christopheranton: Excellent bit of fiction writing with a message so necessary to convey. i had some bad experience personally with emotional abuse from which I escaped before it became physical. Thank you.

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      You are so right Nell.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      7 years ago from England

      I totally agree with you, and if there is any in a marriage, the person who is being hurt should just walk away, I know it is not that easy, but what is the alternative?

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      Thanks Nell. Violence against men is one of these things that most authorities almost refuse to believe exists, but it accounts for about thirty percent of domestic abuse.

      There should be none, against either men or women.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      7 years ago from England

      Hi, Well you got me until the end! what a great way of bringing this to the publics attention, I knew about violence to men, but it really shocked me at the end, well done! rated up, cheers nell

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      mysterylady 89 and MandyPandy5.

      Thank you both for your supportive comments.

      I hope things improve all victims of domestic violence.

    • MandyPandy5 profile image


      7 years ago

      I thought this was a true story by a guy at first. I was about to go crazy in the comment box by saying "get away nowwwww!!" but then I read other comments and calmed down,lol. But in any case this could possibly be a mans true story and it was very well written. Great job! It is sad that not enough resources are out there for men in this situation. I hope this Hub helps bring awareness!

    • mysterylady 89 profile image

      mysterylady 89 

      7 years ago from Florida

      Although I suspected who was being abused, you kept me in suspense until the very end. Bravo!

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      Thanks Healing Touch for the supportive comments.

      The story is fiction though.

      I only live with my cat, and I dont have any children.

      I just felt it was an issue that deserved to be aired.

      God bless you also.

    • Healing Touch profile image

      Laura Arne 

      7 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

      I know your pain. You must read my hubs on abuse. I was totally with you as you explained the abuse. I remember being afraid if I was one minute late. I hated my life. God bless you. I hope your ok and the kids.

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      Thanks for your appreciation Garnetbird.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Wonderful dramatic writing--Thank you for caring about Domestic violence.

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom


      Thanks for reading.

      Hi Stan.

      I,m lucky that it has never happened to me either.

    • Stan Fletcher profile image

      Stan Fletcher 

      7 years ago from Nashville, TN

      Well done. The switcheroo at the end was masterful. I can't imagine being in this situation, although I'm sure it happens.

    • ctanner1966 profile image

      Christine Beeler 

      7 years ago from Cairo, Egypt

      Awesome job.

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      You were wise to avoid Wesman.

    • Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

      Wesman Todd Shaw 

      7 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

      Very true, in most cases, Christopher; but the tale that was told was that this one got aroused by abuse. . . .It's hard to say, luckily I didn't "go there" either.

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom


      Thanks for dropping by. I hate any type of bullying.


      Just as well you didn't slug her back, as you would have been the one to get nicked (arrested).

    • Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

      Wesman Todd Shaw 

      7 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

      Great piece of writing!

      Believe it or not, I've had a . . . very unexpected, and even less appreciated black eye. . .from a . . .woman.

      ~oh the shame!~

      You know, there's been times I wished I'd slugged her back.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      7 years ago from south Florida

      This was a very clever way, Christopher, to bring to our attention the fact that domestic abuse does not always mean the male partner abusing the female. It can also be the other way around as you so chillingly suggest. Excellent hub with the denouement at the very end.

    • christopheranton profile imageAUTHOR

      Christopher Antony Meade 

      7 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

      Thanks Christopher. I think any form of bullying, whether it is in the home, the school, or the workplace is disgusting, and should not be tolerated; no matter who the perpetrator is.

    • Christopher Price profile image

      Christopher Price 

      7 years ago from Vermont, USA

      Very well written Christopher.

      Throughout, I was assuming the narrator was the wife and the abuser her husband, and the revelation at the end set me back a bit. Very skillful!

      It's true, domestic violence can go either way, and none of it should be overlooked or tolerated. Abusers can be either gender, and there should be no stigma for those victims seeking relief.

      Peace. :{)


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