Don't Fight With Your Spouse
When Allah sent down mankind to the earth, he also sent down Satan and warned not to become enemies with each other. Satan, because of his promise with Allah, is the one which will always try and create animosity and enmity of humans with each other. This enmity and imbalance can be found with any relation among humans. Whether it be the relation of employer and employee, husband and wife, parents and children, you will always find some kind of tension and imbalance between these relations.
Since the begining of humanity humans are suffering first hand because of this imbalance. People don't agree with the government to pay taxes, lawyers are arguing with biases. Everywhere there is the same situation and we as humans can't help but be biased based on our judgement and past experiences.
In this kind of situation of humanity, Allah is the only one who can love both parties equally. There is no fear that Allah will be biased for men or women or animals also for that matter. Allah loves all human kind equally without an ounce of injustice. And it is in this context of love and fairness that He has set out rights and responsibilities to both men and women in the form of Quran and Hadith.
Allah states in Sura Nisa that men are caretskers of women. Man is the one who are providers of women under them. Particularly a married man is regarded as "Muhsin" meaning one who provides protection. Muhsin in Arabic language basically means a fort. A fort provides protection on all four sides. Just like that a man gives sustenance and protection for his family.
Al qayyum is one of the qualities of Allah. He describes himself as Qayyum in Ayat ul Kursi. Qawwam is derived from this word qayyum which means a part of Allah's quality has been bestowed on man in Quran. Allah talks to men as caretakers of women and responsible for the money matters of the household. This responsibility begins with paying Mahr to the wife at the time of marriage. This a condition of making a marriage valid. He cannot even ask for a discount or lienecy in the payment of Mahr. That is a part of being aman, according to the Quran.
In this regard he can not force his wife to work and make ends meet in times of financial difficulties. If she goes and does a job on her own, that will be counted as charity for the woman.
These are one part of what makes a marriage work by placing the financial responsibility on the shoulders of the man.
One may ask then what do women play a part in the other side of the equation??
Allah continues in the same verse by saying that as a, result of such a trearment., good women are a source of calmness in the household. They are the reason voices and tempers are lowered in the house. They are the removal of tensions. Women are in control of the emotional temperature for the entire family.
One more responsibility of women is to guard the things which are invisible. It means guarding things which belongs the husband and wife. In this, apart from material things, the secrets between husband and wife also needs to be guarded. Any friends or persons the husband does not approve also should not be entertained by the wife.
Such a balance between husband and wife is the source of tranquility and peace in the family. This creates a strong bond that passes on to the children and further generation.
This kind of relation between husband and wife creates stability for the children of future generations. Allah states that the first reason of marriage is that spouses find peace with each other.
When such peace and love is absent or missing, both spouses should try and work out to make the relation better with each other. Allah's guidance should be a kind of benchmark for seeking resolutios for disagreements and discord in marriage.
May Allah guide us to fix our broken relationship and to do what is bestfor ourselves and to seek the right kind of guidance in all matters. Aameen
