Don't Let The Loser Win!

To hate fatigues.
-Jean Rostand-

Throughout our lives we encounter people who purposely push the wrong buttons. Too insecure and scared to live a peaceful life, they call you out on your flaws and make your life hell. They steal things from you (objects, lovers, etc.) and ruin moments that, having gone off without a hitch, may have allowed you to lead a different, happier life. To be sure, it is easy to hate these people. Yet, what can one gain from hating someone who so obviously hates themselves? The answer is very little.

Case in point, in junior high, it became the goal of a repeating student to find out my weak spots and to jump upon them whenever possible. From the first moment I saw her, I knew that she was someone I shouldn’t waste my time on. She was coarse and rude. She enjoyed cheating off of people and spreading rumors. She used the fact that her parents were divorced and that her mother’s new husband disliked her as crutch. Yet, being that I’ve always been too compassionate for my own good, I let her into my bubble and suffered the consequences. In short time, she had turned my best friend and me against each other and had soiled my reputation irreparably in the school community. As my mom worked as a teacher at my school it not only made things uncomfortable for her there, but it also drove a wedge between us that will probably never go away. I hated this girl for years, but now I don’t. Though what she did was wrong, it proved to help me weed out the people who genuinely cared about me from the people who cared to a point. As a byproduct of her malice, I learned that my world was very small and living in it was suffocating me. By alienating me from hypocritical people who called themselves Catholics, but who didn’t have a Christian bone in them, I learned that I didn’t need people who are content with only seeing half of me. If I had not been giving this vision at such a young age, I doubt I would be the proud person I am today. With this in mind, how can I hate her? She did me a favor and now, over ten years later, I can be grateful.

A more recent example is someone I knew in college. She was the head of this pot smoking clique whose members stole things for her and helped her terrorize others. My compassionate tendencies once again getting the best of me, I allowed her to work on class group projects with my group so that she wouldn’t fail. The two times I worked with her, she did nothing and nearly cost us our grades. During our senior year, due to a lapse of judgment, I began to date one of the group members who just happened to be the secret crush of this girl. As a result, I had to deal with a bunch of drama. For example, she worked on the technical crew of the play I was in and each night of the run I nearly missed my cue because I had to look for a prop that mysteriously went missing. One of the nights I did miss my cue and the play came to a halt. It was embarrassing, but since my director could let it slide, I could too. Besides, my cutie was working offstage and a smile from them could brighten up any bad situation. However, thanks to rumors and the influence of the leader, our relationship rapidly deteriorated. Before I knew it, I was single again and my ex was involved with the leader. Broken hearted, I passionately hated these two. Were it not for the love and support of a friend turned love of my life, I would’ve never realized that they deserved each other. Furthermore, I’d still be wasting my energy hating them.

When you allow yourself to hate someone, you are giving them more credit than they deserve. You are putting your life on hold (if only a small portion of it). Every second you waste hating someone is another second they gain feeling like they have power over you. Instead of wasting energy hating someone who has wronged you, I urge you to use that energy to love someone who has brought happiness into your life even more. In other words, let go and move on or else the loser wins. You'll be so much healthier for it.